Life on the Edge - Testing the Power of Intention

Going Right to the Top and Going Public

2010-09-26T23:53:00.000-06:00

      I left life in small town USA two years ago, for the lure of a tropical paradise without much to fall back on. Twice, I've run out of money and come running home. Well I'm headed back for the third time and it's bound to be the charm. I am more determined to make this work, than I've been about anything in my life. I'll use every resource there is but rather than messing around with the little ones, I'm going right to the top. I know what I want and I believe the strength of my intention will bring it to me and set the circumstances, allowing me to live the life of my dreams.

      Intentional living has been around for a long time. From "reaping what you sow" in biblical times, to the more modern, "what comes around goes around," all of humanity lives this way whether they know it or not. In recent times, movies like The Secret, have introduced the idea into mainstream thinking. "Create your own reality" and "Thoughts become things" - Are they just catch-phrases or are they symbols of an intensely profound concept? I am here, along with you, to find out.
      Obviously, I believe in the power of intention. I learned of it twenty years ago and have used it many times. What makes this time different, is that I have much more at stake, for in a sense, my life is on the line.
      Have you ever heard of someone who, in an effort to proclaim their faith in God, forsakes all their worldly possessions and declares that God will provide? I've always been a bit suspicious of such a thing. Why challenge God? Yet somehow I have, inadvertently, almost put myself in the same position. I left my old life, without much to come back to if the new one didn't work. My outlook did not allow for that possibility. Now, faced with dwindling resources, I've been working on a new plan, but its success is yet to come and my time is running out. Oh, I'll never be homeless. There is always a way to get by. But I don't want to just get by. I want to grow and create, honing my skills, using my talents, giving my gifts to the world in a joyous celebration and I happen to want to do it in Costa Rica.
      So here's the deal: I have one month and one day until I'm on the plane back to Costa Rica. I have about $300.00 in the bank and a house to get rented in four days so that my mortgage gets paid and I can leave. Today is Saturday. My intention is to have found the perfect renter by Monday and to have $5000.00 in the bank by the 20th of October, one week before I leave. Why wait til the last minute, right? I do not know how this will happen. I only know that it will.
      This is my life. It belongs to me and I am unwilling to accept living it less than to its fullest. I am using the law of attraction and my power of intention to get me where I need to go and, yes, I am doing it in public! I will write each day for one month, telling of the techniques and reporting my progress. I have no hidden motives and no need to force a happy face. Countless questions will arise and I intend to explore them honestly, sharing victory or defeat and inner quandaries.
      I'm very interested in your comments, whatever they may be. I have never exposed my inner self to the world in this way and I want to hear its response. If you would like to know more about me and the background to this story, you can find it on my web site:
Costa Rica Travel Journals - New Life Adventures.
Tomorrow we'll get started!

A Trail of Inspired Thoughts

2010-09-25T18:41:00.000-06:00

    A few years ago I had some spare air miles and an invitation from friends in Mexico. So I went on a whim. I never imagined that it would lead to where I am today.
    I fell in love with the Latin culture, took a few more trips to Mexico and then decided to check out Costa Rica. Even as I was in the process of moving there I often wondered what drew me to this new world. I used to joke about looking for my “Latin roots.” You would appreciate that if you saw me in person. My coloring is quite the opposite of any Latino.
    Proponents of intentional thinking tell us to follow our feelings and use them as a monitor of where we need to be and a guide for our decisions. That is the main thing that made me move. Of course I can give you many other reasons for my wanting to be in Costa Rica, but really, above
all, I just want to. I have been doing this, following my feelings, so much lately, that when people ask me about my ambitions, I respond with the same dumb smile your labrador retriever has when you throw the stick. I dunno, I just want to.
   Looking back on the last two years in Costa Rica I see a trail of inspired thoughts. The first one was to write an email journal. Someone suggested it as a way to keep in touch with friends at home. I’d never had the discipline to do this before, but this time the idea stuck with me and I followed through. My friend, Hatch, said to put it online so I could show photos. I love taking pictures so I did that. Then there were my journal readers who told me to write a book. Desperate for a new way to make money and continue my life in the tropics, I decided to do it. I had planned to seek out a publisher when my friend, Wendy, who was listening to Eat, Pray, Love in audio book form, told me I could do the same thing. Now that idea really excited me, I knew I could do it. Two months later, I ended up with a very fine product. When I put it up for sale on my web site, my first customer, Gary, suggested I create an eBook for those who prefer to read rather than listen.
    “Ok, “I thought, “That sounds good too.” That took another month and everyone who has read it, loves it.
    I feel like I have been following instructions! The person to come along with my next directive was my friend, Nancy. After three months of intense work, my audio and eBook were selling slowly, time was moving on and I still didn’t have enough money to give it another try in Costa Rica. I did not want to let myself wallow into a discouraged frame of mind. All the “what ifs” were rolling around in my head and I had no positive answers for any of them.
    Nancy asked me if I had seen the movie, The Secret. Of course I had. I owned it!
    “How long has it been since you’ve watched it?” she asked.
    I couldn’t remember. That same day I got an email from a stranger, someone who had bought my book. Everything Kate said to me pointed me in the same direction as Nancy. I needed a good shot of positive thinking. I watched the movie. And you know what? During the movie I got my own inspired thought! That was where this blog came from.
    “The hell with “what if!” I was going to alter my perspective and focus on knowing that somehow this will all work out. I decided to change the way I responded to my “what ifs.” What if I looked at them with curiosity and discussed them openly and objectively with the world? I think that as humans, when there is something we feel a critical need for, there is always a doubt somewhere in our mind. “What if it doesn’t happen?” “What if things go wrong?” I believe a thinking person questions things. Even the guy in The Secret, who uses positive thinking to get a parking space, must notice other parking options, while headed to the place he really wants to park. The idea that we might think of a "plan B" shows doubt.
    One of my first readers of this blog commented that he was curious as to how I was going to get this $5000.00 I am expecting in a month. I said that I am curious, too. What if I don’t? Will I feel like a fool? Absolutely not! I will feel more like a scientist and continue on with the experiment, remembering to pay attention to every inspired thought.

What I am working on today:

    My main concern is getting my house rented. I have been imagining the perfect renters for my particular house and my particular situation. I see them as I fall asleep and as I wake up in the morning. The times between wake and sleep are when we are in the alpha state of brain waves and somehow, that is a powerful place to visualize. I learned this twenty years ago from a book by Jose Silva called Silva Mind Control. His methods are what got me and my two babies out to Montana and into a great new life. I showed the house twice yesterday and twice today. There’s one couple I have a good feeling about. We’ll see. Tomorrow is the deadline!
    I’ve now got my 79 year old mother thinking about this thought creates reality stuff. She watched The Secret with me and is trying it out to sell her house. She has had it for sale all summer with not even a bite. She just took it out of the hands of the realtor and put it in mine. I re arranged all the furniture and took pictures. I’ll be putting posters all over and ads on Craig’s list. This is her deal, but I am doing my best to support it.
    As for the $5000.00...... It hasn’t showed up yet but it feels really good to imagine. I’ll keep you posted.

Visualization, Confrontation and Calendars

2010-09-24T22:53:00.000-06:00

     Well, you just never know how things will work out, do you? I told you that today was my deadline for renting my house. I have not rented it yet. I also told you that my mother has decided to try using visualization and positive thinking to sell her house. It just may be sold, already!

     I have had lots of calls on my rental and a few lookers, too. I don’t like to wait until the last minute. I wanted to get this resolved today, but it is not. Thursday is the first of the month. I know the place will be rented by then. I have a couple in mind who looked at it the other day. I should have their rental app. by tomorrow. We’ll see.....
   In the mean time, my mother has had her house listed with a realtor for the past three months with hardly anyone taking notice. All you hear are negative things about the housing market. Yesterday I put up a sign with a greatly reduced price. Today I made posters and put them up all over. And tonight a couple came and looked at the house. I think they are seriously interested. I think they are going to buy this house!
   So who knows how things will work out? I only know they will.
     The first time I learned of and tried using the power of intention, I was a distraught single mother with two babies, from two different dads, crying to the heavens - “Where have I gone wrong in my life?” It certainly was not my plan to raise two kids alone. I was compelled to look inward and being the practical person that I am, I sought counseling. I ended up going to a drug / alcohol / and miscellaneous misfit center. Which was the only thing that fit my budget (free). No, I have never had drug or alcohol problems, I was the miscellaneous misfit. It was called Confront and that’s what we did. We sat in a circle and confronted our problems by yelling and screaming, pummeling pillows and crying until we were exhausted. Then we all felt better and went home, until the next Wednesday when we did it all over again. My friend, Sharon, who lived across the alley, hated those warm Wednesday nights in the summertime,”Close the windows, they’re at it again over at Confront!”
      I don't know what I took from that experience but I do remember their example of us being like of a cup full of fear, anger and all that other bad stuff. They said if we got rid of all the negativity then the good that was underneath would come flowing up and fill the cup to the rim. Apparently that happened to one of us. Jared had been just pitiful. He’d lost his job, had no place to live and his girlfriend left him. Every Wednesday his woe is me was worse than Eeyore. Then we didn’t see him for a few weeks. When he got back we hardly recognized him! He really looked good. He had enrolled in a nursing program, got a nice new apartment and of course, a new girlfriend. Everyone was frantic to know how he had done it.
He had taken a workshop in the Silva Method, which is simply a method of visualization to create what you want in life. I studied the book and decided - this was for me. I was so inspired that I made a plan. I was going to get my kids out of the city and into a better life in Montana before my son started Kindergarten.
I made up a calendar, I think it was thirteen weeks long. I had to finish my house, get it on the market, sell it, quit my job, pile my things into a truck and move 3000 miles away. Every night after I put my kids to bed I looked at my calendar and visualized the completion of each step in the process. I remember those nights. I felt so alone and with such a big job looming over me, yet at the same time, I knew there was someone/something on my side, there to help me. I believed with all my heart, in my dream of a new life in a better place for myself and my children. And what is more, I was unwilling to accept anything less. As time moved along, the sale of the house, the closing and everything happened either on the exact day I had visualized or the day before! I got my son into kindergarten in Montana right on time. I still have that calendar, today.
I made another calendar almost twenty years later in preparation for my move to Costa Rica. That calendar was seven months long. Again I gave the gods no alternative. I was going to live in Costa Rica - and I did. Now I have one with thirty days on it - twenty nine left to go.
I’ve used many different methods to materialize my desires over the years. Among other things, I have cut out pictures from magazines, listened to tapes of lectures by aliens (seriously) and written letters to God. Lately I use that groggy time between wake and sleep to picture my dreams fulfilled. Often at bedtime, it flows into some lovely dreams. Then in the morning I watch The Secret for twenty minutes while I do my exercises. Throughout the day my energies are directed toward my goals. Often I stop and notice how much fun it is and how much there is to appreciate in life. Today I received encouraging emails and supportive comments on this blog. People write with all kinds of creative ideas. Strangers want to help. I feel like I’ve got a bunch of cheerleaders out there, just for me! If you ever get discouraged with the state of mankind, just talk to me. I can attest to the good in human nature. People are wonderful!
      Well, even though I did not get my house rented by the day I had in mind, I’m not discouraged. I’ll keep on going in a positive direction and maybe I’ll pick up that old Silva book I’ve got and look at it again.......

AND Today I start the countdown!
Yesterday I sold an eBook - $9.36
so $5000.00 - 9.36 = $4990.64 to go!

Embedded Beliefs About Money

2010-09-24T17:16:00.000-06:00

    It’s five a.m., I’ve been awake for an hour and the demons have come to haunt me in the night. OK, they’re not demons - just bad thoughts. Call them demons and they take on a life and a power of their own. They’re just thoughts. But isn’t it interesting... you start with one little negative thought and it is like a magnet. It sucks in every other negative thought floating around and before you know it there’s a slew of them piling up on you, one after the other, each waiting their turn for a chance to dominate your mind.

    It started with my focus on the perfect renters, as I fell asleep. I woke slightly now and then throughout the night, just enough to focus again, thinking “Good, I’m still in alpha, this is another opportunity to bring those good renters to my door. “ Then after the third or fourth time I couldn’t get back to sleep. Am I trying too hard?
    I began to think about the people who had come to see my house. I must have shown it twenty times in the past three weeks. They all say they like it and take a rental application. That’s the last I hear from them. Thing is... I’ve known that the place was not right for any of them. The bedrooms are small. It is not the perfect house but it is really nice. I loved living there. I just need the perfect people for this particular place.
    There was one woman who seemed like she’d be a really good tenant - but she did not want the place for another month. I don’t want to lose a month’s rent. But if I get the $5000.00 that won’t matter as much and I just realized that I’ll get $5000.00 if my mother sells her house - but will she give it to me? (See that is how the negative thoughts progress from one subject to the next.)
    My mother has said since even before she had the house listed with the realtor, that she would give a commission of three percent to whoever brings a buyer. A friend of mine called the other day. He sells real estate. I told him how much my mother had lowered the price of her house, in case he knew of anyone interested. He immediately asked if she would pay a commission. I confirmed it with her. Yes, she would pay three percent. I had asked her the other day if I would get the same commission she’d declared to others.
    She laughed, “Oh, you want it, too!”
    “Well of course I do!” I said, a bit indignant, “And besides that, I’m your daughter and I need the money!”
    She agreed, yes, if I got her house sold she would pay me the same commission as anyone else. But there was reluctance in her voice. Even though I have taken on this project, she might say that the particular buyers who looked at the house last evening, did not come due to my effort. She has already mentioned that they came because they saw the sign out front with the lowered price and that the price is the reason they are interested.
    It is pure coincidence, if there is such a thing, that the $5000.00 figure I chose for my goal is close to the same amount of the three percent commission. I decided on that amount when the house was still in the hands of the realtor. I was not expecting anything from its sale. And after my mother ended her contract with the realtor, she lowered the price. I had no way of knowing any of this when I set my intentions. I chose $5000.00 because you are supposed to pick an amount that you think is believable to achieve and I figured that much would keep me comfortable until I got the writing income going.
    I didn’t actually figure out what this commission would amount to until last night, after the potential buyers left. I didn’t want to think about it at all. I know what my mother is like about money. There are many things we think differently about. I do my best to accept her for who she is and forget about it. She wants to sell her house, I want to help. But wouldn’t it be great if it helped me out, too?
    Why do I feel like I am standing here waiting for a hand out? I doubt any random person who brought in a buyer would feel the same, when expecting their commission. Man, these deeply embedded beliefs about money that I carry are insidious! How do I get them out of my head?
    Here’s my story. Like many of you, my parents grew up during The Depression. My father was born and raised on a Pennsylvania farm. His dad left his mother with four kids to take care of. I remember the stories about the clothes washer they had, powered by a mule in a harness, that walked round and round in a circle. And how, in the winter they would wake up with skiffs of snow on the floor, blown through the cracks in the wall. My mom was from a small rural town in Canada. I don’t think they were poor, but back then everybody was suffering. They’ve both had their money issues.
    My father ran the show as I was growing up and he valued only two things - work and education. He was a serious example of the adverse effects of the Puritan work ethic. He never indulged in an activity that was not focused on an end result of making money. (My God! I’ve been like that for the past three months, trying to get this writing career going.) And my mother - I think she just never felt she deserved any luxury or even anything special. Those beliefs were handed down to me continuously, through the habits of daily life.
    I came out of it with the idea that I was bad at handling money. As a teenager, after school I worked at Dairy Queen and all summer at the local amusement park. Every week, my father doled out ten dollars of my paycheck for me to keep and put the rest aside. He didn’t trust me with it. And I must say, a few years later when I needed a thousand dollars, it came in handy.
    I managed to raise two kids on my own with only a pittance of child support. We never had much to spare until they got older and I had a good business going. I made a point of letting them manage their own money but today they are not much better than I was. I limited my debt, but I never saved money. I took my kids on vacations and spent money on “frivolous” things - like fun! I was intent on expressing different values than my parents’ and in this area I succeeded. My children appreciate the value of a good time.
    I know my rebellious nature worked against my best interests, in this case but I wonder if in touting values so different from my parents I was covering up my true beliefs about money.
    My father was a smart man who worked hard. Of his three siblings, he was considered the successful one. He was transferred many times in his job. In an effort to put myself and my brothers in the best schools, my parents always chose a neighborhood where we were at the bottom of the income bracket. My friends all skied, but we couldn’t afford it. They wore the nicest clothes, matching outfits with plaid skirts and little vests from The Villager Shoppe. My parents shopped at Sears and K mart. My escape from all this was to become a hippie and wear crazy clothes, like my great grandmother’s floor length dress with one hundred buttons down the front. Again, I rebelled, but inside, did I somehow get the message that I didn’t deserve what others around me took for granted?
    So many years later we are still plagued by things that happened to us in childhood. I say we because I know I’m not the only one. When does it all end and how do we just get over it and get on with our lives? I guess it is just part of the work in progress. Well, at least I’ve got it out in the open. I heard a line the other day, “You are only as sick as your secrets.”
    I feel better now. Writing is cathartic. Maybe now, those demons will let me sleep.

Today’s Progress:

Not much. I am waiting for the rental application from the couple I favor to rent my place. I will give them one more day. My second choice is a woman who will not be moving in ‘til November. She seems like a great renter but I will lose one month’s rent ($800.00) if I rent to her. Tomorrow is the last day of the month...... UPDATE! Since I posted this an hour ago I was contacted by the perfect renter! Yes! There is such a person. She is a single mom with two kids, just like me. That house was great for me and my kids. I'd been thinking about how I would love to have someone in a situation like mine living there. In fact, I happened to go to the coffee shop today and pick up a paper. The headline article was about all the homeless in Montana these days. I read, with compassion and sadness that most of the homeless are single mothers and their kids. I wished I could afford to reduce my rent and help someone out. I can' do that and live in Costa Rica, though. And I won't have to for this woman, she has a good job and can afford the house. I would so glad to have someone there who needed and appreciated a house like mine. I'll meet her tomorrow afternoon. It feels like things are happening!!!!!

Running Total - I still need $4990.64 to make my goal of $5000.00 by the 20th of October.

Making Things Happen vs. Letting Things Happen

2010-09-23T22:40:00.000-06:00

When I started this project, I was constantly monitoring my thoughts about myself, regarding money and abundance. I take my work seriously. I wanted to do it right and be successful. At one point I wondered if I was trying too hard.

      When contemplating the use of intention to affect your circumstances, a balanced outlook might also consider letting go of the outcome. Is that contradictory? If you intend to get that new job, can you simultaneously not care? There are those who say the harder you hold on, the more easily it will slip through your hands. Is it best to go with the flow, accepting what comes your way as what is meant to be? Is anything meant to be or are we always choosing what is, whether we know it or not, through our thoughts and expectations? These questions illustrate one of life’s great contradictions. We must find a way to reconcile both views.
      Using the job example: you intend to get a particular new job. Why? You want to make more money. You set your intentions on that job. You picture yourself in that office, at that desk and then out to dinner in an expensive restaurant, to celebrate. Then you don’t get the job. A week later your supervisor decides to retire and you are promoted into an even better job. You are getting all the things you pictured just not in the way you expected them. This happens all the time.
    What this shows us is that our underlying motives are important. In the example, yours was for more money. You envisioned its fulfillment through a particular job but it came to you another way. Some of my most enjoyable experiences have occurred when I had absolutely no expectations and set no plans. I suspect my underlying motivation of wanting a good time was the thought that created the reality.
      It also shows us that some things are just out of our hands. Who knew your boss was going to retire? The intricate web of connecting circumstance - if that didn’t happen, then this wouldn’t have happened and caused those things to occur - is mind boggling. Trying to figure it all out can be bad for the health. On the other hand, try smiling, laughing and relaxing in the moment. This has been scientifically proven to be healthy. And it is just such behavior that is the catalyst to the fruition of intentional thinking. Holding thoughts of happiness and appreciation for the world around us keeps us in a positive frame of mind. Like attracts like and positive things come our way.
   I’ve been enjoying working on my house - cleaning and getting it ready for a new renter. I appreciate how nice it looks. As I labor, my mind reviews its many pleasant memories. I mop the basement floor and remember my daughter’s sleep overs with her friends down there. I weed the vegetable garden and think of how I built that raised-bed garden and got fertile soil for it from the shores of the Flathead Lake. Not knowing what was in store, the deep down, good feelings I felt in that house, told me it would all work out. That is how to let go. Just follow the good feelings.
So do those good feelings mean I should stay and live in the house myself? No. As soon as I asked that question the good feelings were gone. What I need is to hand my house over to someone who has those same good feelings for it. And that seems to have happened, not on the day, nor with the people I envisioned but in a way to fully meet my needs. On October first I will be signing a lease with the perfect tenant; a single mom, with two kids, just like me, who loves gardening, just like me. I know she will love living there, just like I did. And that makes me feel even better.
    So I am going to stay with the happy thoughts and let go of trying to do everything right. I’ll still continue to visualize that $5000.00 in the bank, not knowing where it will come from. And I’ll find other creative ways to reinforce my vision of the pleasing prospects of my bright and shining future. Tonight I took a suggestion from a reader and wrote my wishes down. I used special paper. I placed it on the night stand by my bed and I laid a candle and a crystal on top to bring energy from the ether.
    And one more good thing to think about - I sold another eBook.
Running Total - $4981.28 to go.

Progress

2010-08-31T20:19:00.000-06:00

Today has been a great day.
Very busy. I got a lot done.

Now I am too tired to write. The two glasses of wine I had at Gallery Night in Whitefish might have something to do with that.

Progress is being made. I achieved my goal of getting a good tenant in my house. My new tenant is a lovely person. Due to the rental of my house, I am now $740.00 closer to my financial goal. Tomorrow my mother and I will have a yard sale and that will put me a little further ahead. And the prospects of her selling her house are looking good, too. I am totally confident that I will meet or exceed the $5000.00 I am expecting.

And more good news. I sold another eBook today!

Running Total: $4231.92 to go.

Success Leads to More Success

2010-08-30T22:32:00.000-06:00

      Today was another good day. I made $100.00 at my yard sale.
I totally know I will meet or exceed my $5000.00 goal and have even been thinking of what goal I want to set next. It is said that whenever we begin to experience the power of intention in our lives we want to use it more and more, we set our sites higher and we come up with bigger and better goals. The encouragement I feel from attaining my first goal of getting the perfect tenant increases my confidence that the next one will be fulfilled - and the next one........

So what are my next goals? A successful writing career is one. I want to gain a good, steady income from my writing. That includes sales of my book and whatever other writing jobs I can come up with. Another is to be able to travel around Costa Rica for the next few months, visiting people and enjoying new opportunities.
The ultimate goal - the big one for me - is to be united with my soul mate, the love of my life. Now that would really be a testimonial to the power of intention, possibly the intention of two people at once. Blogging about this would be a big stretch for me. I am pretty private about that kind of thing. I don’t know if I would do it. But it might be fun if I did. I already have a name for it. I’d call it "My Fabulous Love Life"! That would be a true expression of intention because, you see, I have no love life.
   When we want something we are told to visualize, think and feel as though we already have it. If we continue to say, “Someday he’ll come along, the man I love...” then we are creating that continual someday in the future, not in the now. So I guess I’ll just have to make it up as I go along and lie to you guys. Not! You’d never believe me any way. I don’t know how to write anything but the truth. That’s why I haven’t tried writing fiction.
Well, the ultimate goal has a few others in line ahead of it so I don’t have to worry about that now. But it’s fun to imagine..... What would My Fabulous Love Life be like? Would interesting things start happening the day I began the blog? And would I even be able to tell about them in my G-Rated internet world? (NO, I will not change the rating. If you’ve read my book you know my view - porn doesn’t pay.)
    Enough of this nonsense! Back to more practical matters. Running Total: $4131.92 to go.

Have YOU gained dinero through your thoughts?

2010-08-29T21:56:00.000-06:00

      Hello friends. Today is day eight of my new blog. I made a commitment to write every day but it is really hard to keep.
Writing something substantial takes about four hours. I have not had the time to do that for a few days.
   I’ve been working on getting my house ready for the new renter, having a yard sale and answering my many emails from all my readers who are becoming my friends. In between that I am trying to help my mother get her house sold and neglecting my exercises because I am not getting enough sleep.
   Well, the lack of comments on my blog makes me think that nobody really cares if I write every day, but I did make a promise to do so and I will continue to.
   I have a question for anyone who is following my blog. I want to know if you have had the experience of creating a financial goal such as mine - $5000.00 in less than a month - and attained it. If you have done this or if you know someone who has, let me know about it. I would love to hear the story. Tell me the amount of money, the time allotted, the reason they did it and how it worked out. There’s got to be success stories of this kind out there. The guy in The Secret who wrote Chicken Soup for the Soul tells his one million dollar story and that’s cool but I want to hear from people who are not necessarily celebrities, just like me. You can write about it in the comments right here or send me an email, through my website’s home page.
    And I want to say thank you again, to all the people who have made such kind and encouraging comments in support of my pursuit of my dreams. I want you to realize your dreams, too.
Running total: Same as yesterday - I am $968.08 closer to my goal of $5000.00

La Musica - en el Agua, el Aire y la Sangre

2010-08-28T01:10:00.000-06:00

I have been so happy living in the moment, enjoying all that is around me. It was a cold and windy autumn day, here in Montana and as the leaves showered down, I was grateful to be here watching the seasons change. You don’t see that in Costa Rica. But even more than that, I was glad to know that I would soon be far from this cold weather.

Tonight I went to hear a fantastic band from Argentina, Los Pinguos. Every song was in Spanish. There were three guitars, a drum and two horns and they all sang with incredible energy! It was a sold out show and everyone loved it. But I felt like I had it over on everybody else. I get to go live where great music like that is in the water and the air and the blood. I can’t wait to get back to Latin America!

This is just a short note because I got in at almost one a.m. but I promised to write every day. The second day of the yard sale went well. I made another $100.00 plus enough for the concert.

Running total: I now am $968.08 closer to my goal of $5000.00

Like Attracts Like

2010-08-27T20:55:00.000-06:00

      Lately I have been a living testimonial for “like attracts like.” I’ve been feeling good about everything. Even the cold weather doesn't bother me all that much, mostly because I know it is temporary. I enjoy putting up posters for the sale of my mother’s house. Today I took them to all the banks around here and was pleasantly received by smiling, helpful people. I enjoy answering all the email I am getting these days. All kinds of people are offering me places to stay and helpful suggestions. And today I got an email from a High School English teacher whose words made my day.

      He said, “ I am especially impressed with your extraordinary writing voice, and I am certain that is why people react so positively to your writing. You are willing to address issues and life events that many authors avoid. This intellectual and emotional honesty in your writing is a tremendous gift to your readers who have empathetic hearts and reach out to other people. I have been touched by your writing in a special way and at a special time in my life, and I am extremely grateful to you. You have provided both affirmation of many of most important feelings and values and encouragement to take the somewhat scary steps to reform my life.”
   Can you imagine how that makes me feel? I read it to my mother and said, “See Mom, I can really write!” He is the fourth professional that has complemented my work. There have been two other English professors and a public speaker who wrote to me, cheering me on.
   Frankly, I did not expect this venture to go so smoothly. I thought I would have fits of disbelief to rant about and great, sad obstacles to overcome. But no - everywhere I look there seems to be more to appreciate, even including the television commercials, which usually annoy me. The other day I caught myself thinking about all the talent and creative skill that goes into the making of a commercial. If you watch them with that in mind it gives a whole new perspective. Ok, I may be going over the edge here. Heaven forbid I become a Pollyanna.
   Positive thinking seems to be contagious. My mom is picking up this optimistical disease. We have been watching The Secret in the mornings while I do my yoga and I think she is beginning to believe it. When you want something bad enough you’ll try anything and she really wants to sell this house. This is a big leap for someone of her generation and I am proud of her for having an open mind. I also think that since we share the goal of the sale of her house, the power of our thoughts are multiplied. I expect to see results right away. Our target date for the sale of the house is the 15th of this month. We already have two families interested.
   When I am not hanging with Louis Armstrong and noticing the Wonderful World around me, I am in a Costa Rica dream. I am feeling it. I am thinking it. I am visualizing myself back in Costa Rica - warm, warm, warm....... the weather here in Montana, is getting colder by the minute. I see myself on the airplane, headed south. I love flying. I especially enjoy the take off. Often, there is someone with an interesting story in the seat next to me and conversation makes time fly by. I’ve been to all the long layover spots, Atlanta, Salt lake, Houston and I’ve got that figured out. I wander around finding things to do. I see myself landing, going through customs, taking a taxi to my friend’s house in San Jose and being warm, warm, warm all the time. By now the bus at Los Caribbeaños is routine but I know I’ll be riding with a smile, back to Puerto Viejo. I can feel it now, tearfully hugging my daughter, Chelsea and beaming as I walk down the street, people calling out hello, glad to see me back. And there’s more, so much more. I see myself and my daughter, in the bright sunshine, driving my little red sidekick with with the top down, exploring mountain towns, visiting the locals, practicing my Spanish. And maybe we’ll come upon a place where Chelsea can work with animals and learn new cooking techniques and somehow find meaning and a fresh outlook on life. I can see it all now and it feels so good.
   Yes, like attracts like. The positive feelings I am sending out are coming right back at me. All it took was one little bit of success to get things going - the achievement of my first goal, getting the perfect tenant in my rental. That gave me the confidence to dream on and it’s become a lovely ride. Like attracts like and I like it!
Running total: I sold another book today. I am $977.44 closer to my goal of $5000.00

Puritan Ethic, Latent Guilt and Sleeping with the Laptop

2010-08-26T19:04:00.000-06:00

      Not every day is as bright and shining as yesterday was. I tell you this to show you I’m human and I’m not Pollyanna. Often my temperament seems to follow the weather. Today was one of those windy, partly cloudy, fall days - a moody day that can’t make up its mind. At times the sun burned through the clouds and made you think it was actually going to get warm. Then a few minutes later it was dark and grey.
I always think of an old Joni Mitchell song at this time of year:

I get the urge for going
When the meadow grass is turning brown
Summertime is falling down and winter’s closing in.

Yes, I’ve got the urge for going and in three weeks I’ll be gone. I must be suffering from departure anxiety. I awoke this morning to an intense dream. I had just arrived in Costa Rica, got a place to stay for the night and settled in. Early the next morning, I awoke to find the front door wide open and everything gone - my clothes, my credit card, passport and - God Forbid - my laptop. My wonderful, marvelous MacIntosh that I rely on for sustenance, was gone. And with it all, the information I use to keep my life going; my connection to my friends, my web site, my writing - all gone. I should have kept it in my bed with me. I was devastated. Someone asked, was I going to go back to the States now and I said no. I would work it out somehow but I was extremely upset. Nevertheless, there is a happy ending. I woke up! When I realized that it was just a bad dream I was so happy that I felt fantastic. I really felt good, relieved not having to live through that. I'm telling you, waking up felt so good it was worth having the bad dream. I felt all warm and fuzzy, happy. It was great.
   Before my move to Costa Rica, I spent seven months preparing. Part of that, the fun part, was going through my clothes and picking out only the ones best suited for the climate and my lifestyle. I also bought some more, really nice things. I was so happy with my clothes. I just loved them. Oh, don’t get me wrong here, I’m not clothes obsessed, not at all. But the thought did go through my mind that maybe I loved them a bit too much. A big part of my move to Costa Rica involved the trimming down of all my material possessions. I think, in the back of my mind I may have felt a slight bit guilty for my indulgence in my clothes.
      Then, a month into my new life in Costa Rica, all my clothes were stolen. All of them, except what I had on. It happened during the night, just like in the dream. For the detailed story, you’ll have to get my book. It is too long to recount here. Suffice it to say that it was a terrible experience. But I learned from it. I discovered the Ropa Americana stores. And when I got back to Whitefish the next summer all my friends pitched in to give me their hand-me-downs. Now I when I wear that pretty red shirt I think of Jayme and the green one that keeps me warm, reminds me of Sarina. All in all, it turned out to be an experience that made me grow stronger and more confident. But I don’t need another lesson like that - not with my computer.
So what does this have to do with the power of intention? Maybe my attachment to my clothes caused the whole thing to happen. Maybe my latent guilt for collecting, carefully washing, folding, caring for and even buying a special travel iron for my clothes, got the best of me. God, where did this ingrained, Puritan ethic come from? I am a liberated, free spirited hippie girl. Well....whatever... as long as I don’t lose my laptop.
      I remind myself that, although it is a bit worse for wear, due to the Caribbean climate and lifestyle, I’ve hung on to my computer for two years in Costa Rica. I wouldn’t have it today if it weren’t for the security trunk I had custom made for my car. That saved me several times. (It’s in the book.) I’ve kept the my Mac for two years so surely I can hang on to it for a few years longer. But I maybe I’ll sleep with it in Costa Rica.

Running total: Still at $977.44 closer to my goal of $5000.00

It Works!

2010-08-25T20:08:00.000-06:00

        Yesterday I walked into the Credit Union to pay my mortgage. I was told my balance was $185.00 less than it normally is and no one knew why. I thought about just keeping quiet. That is the kind of mistake I don’t mind.
But I didn’t, I asked my loan officer about it. He checked with the computer guys, downstairs and got back to me today. After going through sixteen years of mortgage payments they found that I had overpaid over the years. Well, that may not be such a big deal, but why didn’t they find it last year or next month? They found it NOW, at the time when I am putting in a special request for money from beyond. And no, it is not $5000.00, but every little thing counts, including the $9.36 I got today, from another book sale.
I am jazzed. I am happy. I am feeling so good about this project. And to think it came from an inspired thought that occurred when I was about to get depressed. (See blog “A Trail of Inspired Thoughts”) I didn’t want to let it get me down, but after working day and night on something which had no guarantee of success (my book) and coming close to the end, still low on funds, I didn’t know what to do. At that point, everything and everybody came to my rescue. And as they continue to come, I realize that there is no end to this. The benefits and abundant outcome just keep getting bigger and spreading to more people.
      So many kind and caring people have come to my door and landed on my virtual lap through this blog and it’s progenitor, my travel journals. That alone, is worth more than any money I may procure through this method. But it does not have to be one or the other. I / we can have it all - money, friends, fulfilling work and a tropical wonderland to live in. What a life!
      And you know how it goes, the more you have, the more you want to share. As I said in my book, “If She Can Do It, So Can I !” my bigger dream is that everybody’s dreams come true. Today I got a call from an old friend. He’s had a rough life - and he’ll tell you that, too. Nothing goes right for him, things just never work out no matter how hard he tries. Sounds like he’s pretty much given up. That was the same story I heard from him a year ago when we emailed and ten years ago when our kids were in school together. I don’t presume to tell anyone how to live their life. I usually just listen and try to accept him for who and where he is in life’s journey. This time, perhaps because of my overflowing joy from another success, I took a risk and laid it on the line.
   He’s moved around the country, always bitter and blaming about the last place he lived. I told him, “Robert, wherever you go, there you are. The problem you need to fix is within you.” He argued that he has tried to be positive but people let him down and things don’t work out. I reminded him of the way I heard him talk to his son years ago and said, “Robert, I bet you learned that when you were a child. I bet someone told you that you would never amount to anything. We have to expose these ingrained beliefs in order to put them to rest.” And I made him promise to watch the movie, The Secret. I’ll let go of the outcome on this one, but I believe I planted a seed.
    Another unusual thing happened to me today. I got a call from someone who needs help in rescuing a child. Imagine that! Me, being able to have that kind of affect on someone’s life. Oh, I answer all my emails, help people find their way around Costa Rica and encourage and inspire them to follow their dreams, but to actually redeem a broken life? I would love to be able to help. I’ll go where I’m led and see what transpires. International intrigue was not what I had planned, but these days I feel like I can do anything.
    So that’s where we are on day eleven. Money’s coming in. I’m feeling exceedingly grateful. And the joy is spreading. Whoops! Pollyanna’s back.

Running total: $1171.80 closer to my goal of $5000.00

Will Wonders Never Cease?

2010-08-24T20:34:00.000-06:00

I think that is a rhetorical question but I know the answer.
The answer is no. Wonders will never cease. Today I got another $100.00. It came, not exactly from out of nowhere, nevertheless, unexpectedly. This time it was from a benefactor who enjoys my writing so much that he paid one hundred dollars for my book. I am very grateful.
I posted my travel journals for two years without charge and will continue to do so. Since I decided to make my living by writing and wrote my travel journal book, some of my readers who had already read the journals, purchased the book as a way to thank me and support my writing. Simple words cannot express the gratitude I feel for this. It tells me people like my writing and encourages me to stick with it. I don’t know exactly what it is, but I must be doing something right so I’ll just keep doing what comes naturally.
And as for the wonders....... I like that expression turned into a statement, “Wonders will never cease.” I’ll have to use it more often, in fact I can imagine myself going around saying it all the time. Yes, I’ll walk down the street, look to my right and point out something to someone nearby, saying, “Look, wonders will never cease!” Then I’ll walk a little further and look to my left, “Wonders will never cease,” I’ll repeat. Then, I’ll look up to the birds soaring, down to the little flower, growing through the pavement and then behind me to every good thing that ever has happened to me in my life. And I’ll keep walking, looking ahead, with a heart of overflowing optimism, still saying, “Wonders will never cease.”

Running total: $1271.80 closer to my goal of $5000.00

Today Nothing Happened.

2010-08-23T21:22:00.000-06:00

   Today nothing happened. Well, nothing that I know of any way. I spent the day working on the computer promoting my book. I am a bit tired. Even though I had a nice day and still felt appreciation for most everything, I am also slightly discouraged. I had begun to expect amazing occurrences every single day.

   We have had several people look at my mother’s house but have seen no serious interest, yet. The date we set for the sale was the 15th of this month, so that I would have time to help her pack and move before I left town. Every time someone new comes to look and they seem interested, I start thinking about the money I am going to get from my mom, as commission for helping her sell the house. I admit that I have been looking to that circumstance as the way to meet my goal.
   I have to remind myself that my job is not to figure out where the money will come from, but to know that it will come and be in gratitude already. I do feel that frequently, just not now.
      I got an email from my daughter, Chelsea, today. She is looking forward to my arrival, to get her out of Puerto Viejo and away from her boyfriend for a while. Oh, he is a great guy, but the circumstances of their lives right now put lots of pressure on both of them and that has created conflict. If she had money she would be living on her own but she is absolutely dependent on him and that is not good for her. I want this venture to succeed so I can support us both for a while but also so I can set an example and show her the power of intention. In Puerto Viejo there is a strong poverty mentality, which many people buy into. That is not hard to understand. Non citizens cannot work legally but legal or not, the wages are low. It is easy for someone to get caught up in this way of thinking if they know no other way.
   Well, I think it is time for me to take a break from this keyboard and get some good sleep. Tomorrow I will be filled with renewed positive energy and the vision of more good things to come.

New Insight!

2010-08-22T17:46:00.000-06:00

   I’m reading a book I got a while back, called Belief Works, by Ray Dodd. I have read it before, but this time it led me to some new insight. There are lots of good books with theory and philosophy, methods and techniques for creating your own reality. Esther Hicks is a channel who writes the words of a being called Abraham. I like her books. They give you a strong shot in the arm of positive thinking. Wayne Dyer is the popular one out there these days with his book called The Power of Intention. I have not read it and actually, I didn’t even know about his book until I googled the name I chose for this blog.
      I like Belief Works because besides telling us to think positive, Dodd explores why we don’t.
He helps the reader discover their own underlying beliefs that may be holding them back. For many years, Ray Dodd was a student of don Miguel Ruiz, who wrote The Four Agreements. Throughout the book, Dodd speaks of the teachings of the Toltecs, an ancient Mexican culture from which don Ruiz is descended. These teachings expose the misconceptions in human thought that cause suffering and prevent people from creating love and joy in their lives.
    Like other proponents of the law of attraction and intention, Dodd says we attract everything around us. We do it through our beliefs. Even the friends and family we with whom we surround ourselves are like characters in the movie of our lives, supporting our beliefs. He says we are already living our dream, in the sense that we are living what we attract and believe, “Recognizing that you are living your dream can be a very powerful thing. Rather than asking, ‘What is the one thing keeping me from living my dreams?’ take a moment and ask yourself:

What have I agreed to and what is it creating?
How is my own unique perspective driving my decisions, actions and reactions?
Does my outlook ever keep me from realizing my deepest desires?
Who are these people in my life and how are they reflecting what I believe?"

   I asked myself these questions tonight when I picked up the book . My answer startled me. What have I been doing and who have I been around for the last four months? I have been working, really hard almost all the time leaving almost no time for fun. Just like my father did all his life. Somehow I thought that would insure success. And who have I been keeping company with most of the time? My mother, a kind and loving person who has plenty of money and serious fears about spending a penny. What am I doing here?
   Do I live by the belief that in order to have money/security one must be focused on nothing other than working to earn it? If anyone were to ask me why I never had much money as my kids were growing up, my honest answer would be because I didn’t want to work that hard. At the time, I did not admit that to myself because I thought it meant I was lazy. What it really meant was that I valued spending time with my children and hiking and skiing more than piling up money in the bank. And that is the way we lived. We worked and played and enjoyed life. I am proud that I instilled good values into the minds of my kids. Yet, in the back of my mind, I always felt guilty. "I should have that loan paid off. I should have more money in the bank. I should be able to afford the things that they have." I have been living a life, true to myself and my values and feeling guilty about it all along! And not only that, some weird, warped turn of events has put me right in the lap of the origins of all these screwed up ideas about money.
Ok, so now what do I do with it? Here I am, one hundred percent focused on work for four months and so far it has cost me about $1800.00 investment and earned me about $500.00. Something is wrong with this picture.
   But something is also very right. I love the work I have been doing - the writing and connecting with others, believing in my dreams and working toward them. I started with the idea that if I follow my bliss, the best will come of it. Now I think it is time for me to let go. I have done the work. I created a good book. I am going to stop wracking my brain to try everything to get people to my site to buy the book. I am going to stop trying to sell it and just let it sell itself. I am going to stop trying to figure out where the money is coming from and just let it come. I’m going to go out and find that fun loving adventurous, person (minus the guilt about not making more and being better) and get back to being me!
I knew this writing process would unearth some things I needed to see about myself in order to go forward. I am grateful for the new insight. I trust that my awareness is the key to dispensing with deceptive beliefs and embracing the full abundance that is my (and our) birthright.

An Ah-Ha Moment

2010-08-21T22:06:00.000-06:00

For the past few days I’ve been wondering how something that happened in the first ten years of one’s life can have more impact than everything that happened in the next thirty. Childhood experiences have impact and they have lasting effects. Everyone has their story.

Most of us have obstacles that may have been caused by misguided childhood conceptions. We adopt an image of the world, viewed through our experience. We see that image as reality. And we set up our lives to perpetuate and prove the reality we see. That may sound harsh, but it’s not, really.
We are complex creatures with many ideas on life. As a child, if you received any love at all, chances are, you believe in love and are able to somehow, perpetuate it. The ability to succeed, overcome challenges and be happy may be a bit further from your grasp. We figure out the world the best we can and get by. Some seem to glide right through and others hit every bump. But if it were not just a matter of chance, if we had created a bumpy world through our own expectations, could we change it?
Yesterday I stumbled onto some new insights about my life. Maybe my own misconceptions have been holding back my prosperity all these years. Do we really have to work so hard - to the neglect of every other aspect of our lives - in order to attain financial security? Some do, some don’t. Have I been singled out as one who has to? No, I don’t believe I have. I may have unknowingly believed it before, but now that the question has come up, I shall make a clear and definitive statement. I don’t have to sacrifice any of my life for money. Money comes to me, easily and frequently, supporting a life that remains true to the values of love and friendship, creative productivity, altruism and fun.
WOW! You have just witnessed an ah-ha moment! One knows they are having an ah-ha moment by the quickened pounding of the heart and the feeling of exhilaration, accompanied by slight dizziness. I think I’m onto something here. Yes, I believe I am. In the composition of one sentence I have created the declaration of my freedom. This sentence is now my motto and I am going to tattoo it onto my brain. From now on, I'll be saying these words upon the first moment I wake and the last, before sleep. Not only that, I now know that the emergence of each and every penny that comes my way is a result of the concept held within the words. For example, a friend just hired me to install some light fixtures for her and I found eleven cents. There you have it - forty dollars for friendship and creative productivity and eleven cents just for fun.
So although I may have had many years of practice, unintentionally undermining my own success, I believe that one inspired moment of clarity has just changed the course of my life. Yes, childhood events affect us but the way we view the world is always a choice. The world I grew up in of obligatory sacrifice and disregard for one’s spirit and soul was someone else's illusion. I no longer live there. For me, money comes easily and frequently, supporting a life that remains true to the values of love and friendship, creative productivity, altruism and fun. We can change our lives and we can change the world we live in. Wanna see proof? Just watch me! I’ll have that $5000.00 before I leave for Costa Rica.

Running total: $1311.91 closer to my goal of $5000.00

Relax, Trust and Appreciate

2010-08-20T21:12:00.000-06:00

       A few days ago I decided I had to let go of my website and book sales and take a break. Then I began to learn why. It is so interesting how one thing leads to another. I’ve never worked so relentlessly on one thing before. I had to go through that in order to understand how my beliefs had been undermining my own prosperity. I wasn’t aware that I thought I had to work to the exclusion of everything else in my life in order to have money. But I see now, that taking a break means letting go and trusting the universe to do its work, too.

   Well, I have taken a break. I spent Saturday afternoon with friends and Saturday night at a birthday party sleepover. Today I got my hair cut. Tomorrow I am meeting a local guy who has a place in Costa Rica. It seems things are coming up for every day of the week. I only have a few weeks left here in Montana and I am going to appreciate them, in spite of the severe, unseasonably cold weather. Later, I will appreciate Costa Rica even more.
   I don’t know about you, but me, being raised in a work, work, work world, I sometimes go overboard in trying to do everything right. That even applies to intentional thinking. But I’m learning. I have found that first one must establish goals and set their intention. Then you have to find and use practices, like visualization, which enhance your positive thinking. And once you get in the groove of it and momentum begins to build (you notice a few synchronicities) then you can let it go and flow. You don’t have to work that hard. It is all in finding the balance between making things happen and letting things happen. So now I relax, trust and appreciate this wonderful world.

Running total: $1311.91 closer to my goal of $5000.00

It's All in the Flow

2010-08-19T21:37:00.000-06:00

Today I spent some money. I have been avoiding that all summer and am fortunate to have been able to stay with my mother, who feeds me. When I don’t have much money and I need to spend some, I tend to do it reluctantly, with a feeling of guilt. Today I decided to curb that kind of thinking and remember that money comes to me frequently and easily.
When I spend my money, I am simply contributing to the flow. This sends it out to others, which then brings it back to me again. Money is made of energy, like everything else and it is always flowing. If we hold on too tightly, we impede the energy flow and life around us becomes stagnant. I wouldn’t want to do that now, would I?
I bought a few things to get ready for my approaching departure and I bought a lottery ticket, too! Might as well give the Universe every opportunity to send that cash my way. And you know what? While I was out at the store, a phone call came in from someone who is interested in buying the scaffolding I have for sale. It’s leftover from my mural painting days and I figured somebody else could use it more than me. So you see? It is all in the flow.

Cold!

2010-08-18T19:28:00.000-06:00

I’m cold and I’m tired and I’m tired of being cold. I have been cold all summer. This house is just cold. But now that the weather has turned absolutely, unseasonably frigid, it is much worse. The snow has come a month early. My mother keeps the heat low. Once in a while, but rarely, I ask her to turn it up a bit, but I really have no right to. She is paying for it. It’s just getting to me - always being cold. And eating salads - it was fine this summer but when you are cold - cold all the time - cold food is not what you want. But my mom does not spend much on food and I don’t want to ask her to buy anything that she normally doesn’t buy. It sucks being dependent on somebody else. It totally sucks!

Well, I guess you figured out by now that I am not in the best mood. I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately and I’m always cold, did I mention that? ( I still have a sense of humor.) Today the guy came to buy the scaffolding I have for sale and offered me $100.00. I’m asking $150.00. I paid $250.00. It is well worth $150.00. I told him no. The woman who has been interested in buying my mom’s house had an appointment to come by today to discuss it. I was getting things all ready by typing up the Buy / Sell Agreement while watching The Secret - feeling and imagining the house being sold and me happy, financially confident and warm, on to another Costa Rica adventure. She came by to ask my mother to finance the house, which my mother cannot do. I really thought we would have a sale by our chosen date, which is tomorrow. Well, you never know. It could happen.
I’ve been doing everything right. I have been in appreciation of everything around me. I have not been negative, at all. I’ve looked at myself honestly and searched for any inner blocks that could be standing in the way of my prosperity. Now I’m just tired of trying. All I can say is that $5000.00 or not, I will be on the plane in twelve days. Then at least I won’t be cold.

Spread Joy

2010-08-17T09:17:00.000-06:00

I normally don’t write my blogs until the end of the day, but this morning I awoke to some pleasantries so sweet I just had to share them.
An added benefit from writing this blog is the ceaseless encouragement I get from my readers. Some come as comments on the blog, others in personal emails and some just land in my lap.

My friend, Lesley sent me this one, The Intenders a few days ago:
I liked what I read so I signed up to receive a new one each day. It provides a positive way to start the day and (maybe it’s just me, but) it always seems to have a special significance for my particular mind set at that moment. Today’s idea, called “What you are calling your Intentions for the Highest Good, are the threads of the cloth being woven into the robe of peace” Yes. We can feel good knowing that our intentions are not solely self serving. They help to create a better world for all.
That affirming article fit right in to what has become my theme for today, “Spread Joy.” It was inspired by a cute little cartoon, found on the web page of someone who sent me a friend request:
Proof again that the simplest things can be the most profound, the message here is one that can - without exception - provide meaning in the life of every individual.
Both the spreading of joy and the knowing that something as simple as our kind thoughts, can be of value and service to the world brings out our best. It nourishes our higher self and makes us feel good. Gregg Braden is a well known author and a proponent of joy, with a scientific perspective. He says our good feelings, which are the union of thought and emotion, are the power which propel our intentions into existence. A new reader of my blog sent me this link to hear what Greg says:
Take fifteen minutes, from your busy day, to look at these three links. I wouldn’t be surprised if it sets your perspective in just the right way and you decide to join me in my theme.

Let’s Be Realistic?

2010-08-16T00:18:00.000-06:00

   I’m feeling a better today. The weather has warmed a bit, I took a nap and I enjoyed dinner and a movie at a friend’s house this evening. I know I will sleep well tonight because I got something from the health food store to help me - unusual for me, but so is sleeplessness.

      Today is the day my mother and I envisioned for her house to be sold. It has not. But it may be well on the way to being sold, that is, if my mom’s attitude doesn’t sabotage the deal. A new, interested person called today and told us she has qualified for the VA loan she was hoping for. I thought this was a good thing. My mother had a list of reasons why this was not good, headed by her reluctance to deal with government loans. In the past, she has had difficulty with the FHA. Her response to my telling her that she was being negative was that she was being realistic.
   Lots of people say that, “I’m not negative, I am just being realistic.” I say - So what? What is so great about being realistic? Is that going to change anything? Are we simply realistic when we list every possible thing that can go wrong and try to prepare for it or just back out because we are overwhelmed?
      I could see that there was more going on here. It had to be brought out into the open. People have a hard time with change. That seems especially true for some older people. Often it is easier for someone to remain in a situation they don’t like, complaining about things they deem out of their control than to face change, even if it is the change they say they seek.
My mother is comfortable here in this house. She has her daily routines, her meals and her TV shows. It is a quiet and safe place with little surprises. She's been saying she wants to live elsewhere but as long as “the market” is so “bad” she has "no choice." She “could not” leave here without selling her house. I quote her thoughts, not mine. When she asked me to get involved with the sale of this house, the dynamics began to change. Now that there is a real possibility the house will sell, I wonder if that is what she wants.
I sat down to talk to her - all happy about the new possibilities - and heard about how she “really didn’t want to sell to someone with a VA loan and besides this house was not right for that woman” and she had “hoped to sell to the other people who originally said they had the money but came back later and asked for financing” which she was not willing to do.
My inner reaction was to scream and run out of the room. But I did not. I tried to figure out what was going on. She was scared. The sale of the house was almost right in her face and that meant some big changes for her - finding another place to live, packing and moving. I tried to talk to her patiently, suggesting that she give serious thought to what she wants. I told her many people feel scared at the idea of moving forward in their lives, to something new. She stopped to think about it for a moment, but honestly, she seemed to prefer being “realistic.”
      There is one more element to this equation that must be mentioned. I have a stake in this. I haven’t forgotten that for a minute. If this house gets sold, I get a commission of over $5000.00. The goal of five thousand dollars in my savings account, by the time I leave, is what started this whole blog. Having that money will do wonders for my confidence and sense of security back in the world of Murphy’s Law - Costa Rica. (That‘s not being negative or realistic, it’s just my sense of humor.) So yes, I freely admit the inability to be neutral about the sale of this house, but my higher self continues to remind me to just let it go. It’s not my business how the money finds its way to my door, I just need to believe it will - and it is. Yes, at this very moment that money is moving in my direction, traveling through space and time and headed over here. This makes me free to want only what is in the best interest of my mother - never mind if I think it could be in her best interest to stay right here - she says she wants to move, what do I know?
      In my youth I was often called an optimist and even an idealist. At that time it seemed people were trying to tell me to be more realistic. I tried but I didn’t like it much.

Here is my dictionary’s definition of
an idealist: Utopian visionary, wishful thinker, pipe-dreamer, fantasist, romantic, dreamer, daydreamer, stargazer
and a realist: One with the attitude or practice of accepting a situation as it is and being prepared to deal with it accordingly.

Ok. I won’t argue with the realist, but the idealist sounds like much more fun.

Running total: $1311.91 closer to my goal of $5000.00

A Deeper Way to Intentional Living

2010-08-15T21:39:00.000-06:00

        Today I went to Hippie Disneyland.
It’s the home of the dog groomers who used to give my dog a bath. You’d have to see the place to know why I call it that. Imagine gardens and trees in a great big yard, decorated by hippies. You might think of a place with little walkways, bordered by cord wood fencing with stained glass peepholes. Hippie decoration includes found-object art and sometimes glass balls hanging from trees. And this one has a home made, outdoor “Black Oven” used for baking bread. This is the creation of a lovely young couple, Caleb and Traci who are raising their three kids in this woodland, fantasy world.
    The purpose for my visit was not a bath for my dog. She died last year but is remembered fondly. I went to see Caleb and Traci to interview them for a Montana magazine article. Our state is know for its free spirited and unique individuals. Although on the surface,Traci and Caleb appear much like other young parents their chosen lifestyle is unique.
    I was curious as to whether they had envisioned the world they’ve created. Did they always want something like this - having their own business, living in a mini wonderland with three precocious kids and often twenty dogs running around? The answer is no. They had no idea things would evolve into the lifestyle they now live, but they are quite pleased with it.
    Caleb started out with a traditional but unfulfilling, job. Traci did some house sitting, which led to dog sitting, which led to dog bathing and so on. As the grooming business grew, Caleb joined in. Working at home allowed time for their children and their creative pursuits. Disneyland was not in the plans, but one day someone asked Caleb to clear some land. He ended up with more wood than he could burn but he needed a fence. The cordwood fence idea sprung up from there. Then there were unusual items found at the dump and turned into animal statues. Random donations from friends created art in the sky and soon they found themselves stopping at garage sales and second hand stores for more treasures to decorate the yard.
    So here we have two people who married, with plans to raise a family, just like everyone else, yet they unwittingly created a perfect world, uniquely their own. How did they do it?
    Some know exactly what they want for their future. They study, work, plan and envision using all the intention they can muster and yet never quite get it. Others, like Traci and Caleb, seem to succeed without knowing what they wanted in the first place.
    Well, I have an idea that deep down, they did know what they wanted. They just didn’t know what it would look like when it arrived. They wanted to live according to their values, which are apparent everywhere you look. Traci says she most always lives in the moment. Life tosses the cards in the air and she plays them as they fall, often in appreciation of new surprises. Love and family, creative productivity, concern for the environment and self expression can be seen all around.
    Maybe the key to intentional living is not in monitoring our thoughts to be sure we don’t doubt or doing a meditative visualization twice a day. Perhaps it is a deeper knowing - a commitment to a life which adheres to and demonstrates our values with absolutely no acceptance of compromise. It reminds me of a comment recently left on this blog. Christen said he achieved the highest sales status and earned the most money when he disregarded his commissions and focused on the needs of his clients. After doing the best job he was able, satisfied that he had enhanced the lives of others, his paycheck came as a pleasant surprise.
    I like this idea. It confirms the theme from my ah-ha moment, the other day. Money comes to me, easily and frequently, supporting a life that remains true to the values of love and friendship, creative productivity, altruism and fun. That makes it easy. All I have to do is live according to my values, being true to myself and all the rest will follow.

Running total: $1311.91 closer to my goal of $5000.00

Life is a Gas!

2010-08-14T22:04:00.000-06:00

       I had no idea I would learn so much through this process, this blog. I figured I would write about my testing of the power of intention, honestly sharing whatever I went through, and see what happened. Maybe some anonymous benefactor would find me (it could happen), maybe a publisher would want my book - and then, when I found out about the commission for the sale of my mom’s house - maybe that’s where it would come from. Of course there is always the possibility of the five thousand dollars falling from the sky into my lap. At this moment that seems to be the most likely of them all.

    When imagining that five thousand dollars in the bank, I pictured myself with the confidence and security that was lacking the last few months I was in Costa Rica. At that time, I was on the internet every day, trying to rent my empty house and apartment in the States. Every time I had to spend money I felt nervous. And worst of all I didn’t want to have to go back to live in the States again and give up on my dreams. Those last few months in Costa Rica were hard on me and it showed. My enthusiasm for life was weak, at best. I hardly had it in me to smile. And giving of myself to others - there was nothing for me to give. I just went through the motions. After working on my book for three months back in Montana, with not much money to show for it, the idea of returning to Costa Rica was daunting. I needed that five thousand dollars. It would be enough to hold me over and help me take care of my daughter until I got a steady income from my writing. And even more importantly, I wouldn’t have to go through that emotional turmoil again.
   Can five thousand dollars buy me peace of mind?
   In spite of my belief that it was not my concern to know where the money would come from, much of my hopes were riding on the sale of my mother’s house. That brought up all kinds of things for me to deal with. I had to consider an inner conflict of interest. I wanted the best for my mom regardless of the outcome for me and yet I wanted the house to sell, no matter what. I was presented with the challenge of living with my mother’s prevalent attitude of negativity and lack and yet loving and accepting her just as she is. The issue of the sale itself has been a roller coaster ride. One day it's on, the next day it's off and then the next day a new element appears in the picture and it is on again. All this turbulence is enough to make me throw my hands up and say I just don’t care. In fact that is exactly what I am doing. I am throwing my hands up to the sky and laughing - I just don’t care!
   Money would be nice but the truth is, I don’t need it. Five thousand or five hundred thousand dollars could not buy me peace of mind. I am sad for the time in Costa Rica when I was so wrapped up in my own fears that I had nothing to offer the world. I feel sad for those same times in my life when I could have been a better mother or a better friend, when I walked around saying I couldn’t afford this and that, when I missed out on life because I thought I needed more. I don’t.
   I haven’t given up on my goal. I would love to have that five thousand dollars. But what I’ve gained from writing this blog is worth more. I have gained the understanding that I don’t need it. And I have acquired a serious appreciation for life, that just won’t go away. That’s right, through the hopeful and the bleak, the past twenty one days experience continues to bring me back to the same warm and jubilant conclusion - that life is a gas! Putting myself out there, honest and real, to the world has brought me wonderful, strange, eccentric, kind and really caring people. I have had the chance to look at things from every perspective. And I have grown to be a better person. At this point getting the money almost seems anticlimactic.
   Well, I have only eight days left before I’m back to the tropics. I can’t wait to get on that plane, I love to fly. I can’t wait arrive and tune my ears in, to the beautiful Spanish language. I’ll be so happy so see my daughter and my friends and the ocean and the jungle and the music and ........ everything. Life is an astounding, amazing concoction of people and places and surprises, galore. All we have to do is take a deep breath and jump right in. It's a gas!

Learning More Every Day

2010-08-13T20:09:00.000-06:00

Every day, I think I’ve run out of things to write about and won’t have anything to say when it comes time to write. And every day things happen and something comes to me. I have written for 23 days in a row, so far - amazing!
Today I had the opportunity to put to the test, some of the things I have been learning from this blog.
The whole idea of the use of intention to create what we want in life hinges on our beliefs about our ability and deservability to have those things. As my specific desire at this time is to have money - $5000.00 - the process of this blog has brought many important things to my attention regarding my outlook on money. I am happy to report that I am learning. I was in a disconcerting situation today and I somehow found a way to turn it into a positive opportunity. I am proud of myself!
I did some art work in the home of a woman I know. The afternoon went well, my customer liked the painting I did for her and we were both happy - until it came time for her to pay me. I will not go into detail here. I will simply say that she did not pay me what I asked for. This has never happened to me before, in all the 20 years that I have done custom art work in people’s homes. She and I discussed the matter and did not come to an agreement so I accepted the amount she gave me. I was upset. As I have no car, here in Montana, my client had picked me up that day. On the ride back to my house she tried to make small talk, a few of her comments indicating a bit of a guilty conscience on her part. I remained silent, thinking.....
I knew it would not be in my best interests to hold this against her. I knew that I must let go of the idea of being right. But how could I do it? There were a number of things I could have said to “put her in her place” but that only would have alienated us further. For the second time, Christens comment on my earlier blog, Have YOU Gained Dinero From Your Thoughts? He said, “My belief is that I am rewarded according to the value I add to others.” So, I contemplated what value could I add to my client’s life. How could I enhance it? What could I do for her?
I was quiet until we got to my house. Then I told her this: “Often I have found that it is best for me to be silent and think for a while before I speak. What I want to tell you now, is that I still disagree with you but I hold nothing against you. I look at this as a lesson for me in love, acceptance and tolerance.” I touched her hand, looked in her eyes and told her sincerely, “I wish you the best.“ She replied the same sentiments and added that if I ever run into an emergency and need help in Costa Rica - I cut her off - “Thank you,” I said, “ but I have it covered. “ And I walked away.
I left the situation feeling good about myself. I had elevated myself to a higher level by finding the positive. I decided that the money was not worth my anxiety but the lesson I was. The testament to the strength of my integrity was well worth the money I did not fight for.
Like I said yesterday, life is a gas!

Running total: $1411.27 closer to my goal of $5000.00 I earned $90.00 today and I also sold one of my eBooks.

Day of Reckoning - Goal Surpassed!

2010-08-12T20:47:00.000-06:00

    Today is the 20th of October. This is the day I set to reach my goal of five thousand dollars in the bank. At this moment the money is not in my account but I think I have, in a sense, reached my goal. Today my mother signed a Buy/Sell agreement to sell her house and my commission will be over $5000.00. Yeah!!!!!

I am the kind of person who doesn’t count the money until it’s in my hand, but everything looks good. If you know anything about selling a house, you know there are steps to be taken before the deal is done. These steps will take, perhaps another five weeks. The closing date is November 30th and I don’t get paid 'til my mom gets paid. But as far as I am concerned, the five thousand dollars is as good as mine.
If you have been reading this blog, you know that I did not know about the chance to receive a commission on the sale of the house until after I had already started writing and set my goal. Even then, the possibility of the sale was sketchy. I have gained so much more than money from the writing and thinking and learning I have been doing around all this. In my more recent blog I wrote about the realization that I did not even need the money as I knew my positive thoughts and way of living would carry me through anything.
      So now, my blog is complete. I have one week to go before I will be back in Costa Rica. And I have a little money to get me started. Today I sold the scaffolding I had been talking about in a previous blog - and I got the full amount I wanted for it. One person told me I should have taken a lower offer but I stuck to what I thought I should get, and I got it, today of all days. This was my lucky day!
   I am considering the continuation of this blog, although I may not write every single day. In an earlier blog I was so happy about achieving my first goal of getting a good tenant in my rental house that I dreamed of even more ambitious goals. My next goal is to acquire a steady income from my writing and the sales of my book. And then at some point to meet the man of my dreams. Do you want me to keep writing?
There are some who follow this blog. Some make comments or send me personal emails. And other people are out there reading and following along, silent and unknown. Now is the time to speak up. If enough people want me to keep writing, I will. If not, you can still read my travel journals when I get back to Costa Rica. I’ll be writing new entries, frequently.
      So here’s the deal: IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE WITH THIS BLOG, EMAIL ME HERE: EMAIL LISA. Tell me what you think I should write about, what you want to hear. If enough people are out there listening, I will go on. I'll report the results.

Running total: $1561.27 (in the bank) closer to my goal of $5000.00 and goal surpassed with potential income.

Back on the Blog!

2010-08-11T20:25:00.000-06:00

      Today is my second day back in Costa Rica and I am back on the blog! Eight people emailed me and asked me to keep writing. I was hoping for eighty but eight is just fine. At least I know someone is out there. I welcome your comments and I hope, by sharing what I learn, you learn, too.

       I’ve given much thought to where to go next with this. It seems that new intentions are in order along with more ponderings about money. Even though I stopped writing a week ago, the learning goes on....
      I am beginning to understand the way money flows. It seems that once you let it go it just comes back to you again (like the butterfly in that poem about love). I left Montana with $936.00 in the bank and another $2000.00 in my savings. The $2000.00 is part of the commission money I scored from the sale of my mom’s house. I get the rest when the sale is complete but if the sale does not go through, I have to give that money back. So I don’t want to touch it. Besides, I’d like to see how well I can live on what I’ve got.
      At the airport my two bags were overweight and I was about to be charged ninety dollars, at least for on of them. Then another person came and took over checking my luggage and said that because the ticket was international, she would not be charging me. I managed to get three carry on bags on to the first plane. They only allow two. But on my next connecting flight, they wouldn’t let me. I had to pay $200.00 to check my back pack! That flight had mechanical problems and after sitting on the runway, de boarding, re boarding, then sitting some more, we arrived in Atlanta seven hours late. Everybody got a $100.00 credit from Delta, plus a hotel room and food vouchers. So here is the math for that one day: “Oh no! I’m ninety dollars poorer.(-90.00) - Yeah! I’m ninety dollars richer! (+90.00) - Uh Oh. Now I am two hundred dollars poorer. (-$200.00) - Oh boy! I have just gained one hundred dollars back. (+$100.00)
      You see, it just comes and goes and comes and goes, and as long as you don’t stress about the going part, you stay in the flow. When I had to pay that two hundred dollars for my back pack to be put in the checked luggage section, I did not allow myself to become annoyed about it. I knew the rules. I hoped I could skirt around them but it didn’t happen. Then later on I had to remind myself that it would do me no good to grumble to myself. It is, what it is -only money.
      When I got to Puerto Viejo, I had planned on staying with a friend but when I saw how really small his place was I decided to ask the hotel owner if he would give me a good deal on a room of my own. I am now staying in a comfortable room for ten dollars a night. When I went to pick up my car, the battery was dead. I paid a taxi driver to help me get it started. The battery was too low to even take a jump but we got the car going. I drove into town, the engine stalled when I stopped - another taxi driver helped and got paid. Just exactly at that time, the guy who charges batteries drove by. He stopped and I asked him about buying a new one - $100.00! No, I was not willing to do that. I asked him to see if it would hold a charge. After two hours on the charger and five dollars, it is just fine. I got off cheap on the battery but not so cheap on the bike. I checked on my beloved bicycle, which had been checked in, to the repair hospital by my daughter to whom I’d given custody. The salt air and humidity had done it’s dirty work. My (pretend) tears didn’t help. Just about everything needed to be replaced - but a new bike would cost more. I told the mechanic to go ahead and even said I wanted to pay him extra. He needed forty dollars for the parts and only wanted five dollars for his labor. It will take him a good part of the day to fix it. I am giving him twenty. - Oh, but also, today, two nice restaurants asked me to do some face painting for them on Halloween. Those are two good meals I won’t have to buy. Asi es - as it is - money continues to come and go.
      As a child, I’d been taught to hold fast to my money. As an adult, I rebelled, by not saving a dime and giving no regard, whatsoever, to the value of money but then felt guilty when I spent it. When I was married for the second time, my husband used to drive me nuts every time he paid the bills. He bitched and moaned so much while he wrote out the checks that I would leave the house and not come back until he was done. Today, it makes for a funny memory, when I reminisce with my kids. “Oh no! John is paying bills today - quick grab your stuff and lets BAIL!”
      It’s a relief let go of the “importance” of money. It is just a vehicle, a way to exchange one thing for another. So at this moment, I have about half of what I started with, $452.00. And I am not worried. I have the two thousand as a back up if I need it, but even better, I have money flowing in my life, out of my life and back in again. I have a nice comfortable room. A wonderful community of people I am happy to see. A car that runs, food to eat. What more could I need? I don’t know, but I do know that when the need arises it will be filled. And it’s a blast watch and see what will happen next.

New Intentions:
1. I intend to have enough money to support myself comfortably in Costa Rica.
2. I intend to have enough money to help my daughter, too.
3. I intend to sell one book every day. (I sold one today)
4. I intend to be a successful writer. (I am a successful writer.)
5. I intend to appreciate every minute of every day of my life.
I’ll keep you posted.

Time for an Update

2010-08-10T20:38:00.000-06:00

    Things are going well. I am still happy to be in Costa Rica. My plans have changed a bit but life is moving me in a good direction.
    I have not sold another book since the last blog in which I intended to sell one per day. Nevertheless, my bigger intention was to be able to support myself and live comfortably here in Costa Rica. So far, so good.

    I know how important it is to remain positive. I learned all about that during the first part of this blog, when I was working towards accumulating $5000.00. Upon my return to Costa Rica, I had high hopes for a trip with my daughter and when I began to realize she was not thinking the way I was, I was disappointed. She vacillated for a few days and then decided to go back to the States sooner than planned. She will be leaving in about a week, which throws a wrench into my plans. At first I tried not to be disappointed. I did not admit my own feelings. Instead I acted like I didn’t mind and that I would be just fine traveling alone. But I was sad about her forthcoming departure and of course, it came out in my attitude toward Chelsea. Later in the day, when a friend said I seemed down, it all came out in tears. I felt much better after that. It seems that once I admitted my feelings and allowed them their moments of existence, they dissipated. Then it was no effort at all, to feel positive.
    Along with that good frame of mind has come more prosperity and the money still flows. I had to spend money on Chelsea’s plane ticket but I have also gained a new income. Today I worked as a guide.
    Once in a while, someone finds me on the internet and asks if I can show them around in Costa Rica. I see that my two years experience living here along with my ability to communicate in Spanish gives me a way to provide invaluable assistance to first time travelers in this country. , In the past I have done this two or three times, in a very casual way but now it’s an official business. I know it will provide a nice supplement to my rental income and perhaps even lead to other opportunities.
    So now, as rainy season approaches, my plans have changed. I’ll stay here doing my guide service and preparing for more customers by trying out various hotels and local activities. Then, perhaps after I put Chelsea on the plane, I’ll do my traveling.
    It is a good feeling to know that I do not need to figure it all out. I can simply live each day as it comes, paying attention to opportunities and change course accordingly. As long as I believe in myself and think positive, always in appreciation of everything around me, my needs will be more than met.
    Tomorrow my client wants me to join him in a jungle zip line excursion. This is something I have wanted to try ever since I got to Costa Rica! Each day is a new adventure.

My Fabulous Love Life

2010-08-09T21:36:00.000-06:00

    Things couldn’t be better. My Costa Rica Guide Service went very well with the guy from North Carolina and I have decided to make it into an official business. I made a web page and already have people interested. In addition to that, I have situated myself in a very affordable place to live, which includes internet in my room - so I can keep writing. Good things just keep coming my way. Again this shows what positive thinking and good intention can produce.
    I have not sold any more books lately, but I know I will. Now that I have better access to internet I can do more online work to get the word out. As I put energy into it, this facet of my world, again comes alive.
    AND I am feeling so much positive energy these days that I’ve decided to be daring and ignite another intention. Intentions don’t scare me any more but this one will be a stretch. I made reference to it in a previous blog. I am going to title it “My Fabulous Love Life.”

    As I said before, I have no love life, specifically, no romance, nor have I, for quite some time. The subject has been far from my thoughts as I have been so busy with the business of recreating my reality. Now, however, I am back in Costa Rica, living the Pura Vida and things are pretty much in order. I think I could give this some thought.
    It’s always fun for women to talk about men, and I imagine, vice versa. Last night I had dinner with my friend Kara, and we conspired and laughed all evening. Kara is a beautiful Australian woman, just a bit younger than me, who traveled the world as a night club singer for many years. These days she travels for pleasure and is writing a book about her life. After dinner we went to a bar for entertainment and listened to a band. Before long several men had honed in on us, chatting and buying drinks. We were having fun. If I open myself to the experience, I know romance is waiting.
    To start off, I am not going to be looking for Mr. Right. Just now all I want is to meet some interesting and attractive men to spend time with. Three boyfriends would be nice. Gina, my friend here in Costa Rica, says five is optimal, but that would demand too much organizing. Besides that, my standards are high. There may only be three in the world who can meet them. (It’s a joke! I’m not that vain.)

So here is the intention: By Christmas I will be dating three charming gentlemen.

    As always, my plan is to be honest about my thoughts and the situations that arise from them. However, I will tell you right now, this is a personal subject and I intend to maintain my privacy. So don’t go getting too excited. It will be interesting to see how I handle just how much to tell and how to tell it. Stay tuned!

My Fabulous Love Life - Do I have one?

2010-08-08T17:13:00.000-06:00

While driving my twenty year old daughter to the airport in San Jose, her wistful musings reminded me of first love. "He's just so cute, Mom, with that adorable round nose and mischievous smile. And I like that his hands are bigger than mine. They are not huge. They're just right." She went on and on. Ah, the sumptuous details of our lover's countenance and demeanor. We notice and indulge in every little thing and, as Sting says - it's magic!
     It has been a while for me - quite a while. But I remember. I've been in love many times. Each time, unique as the person I was in with. It is a happy, heady, mind bending experience - and so much fun. Like whitewater rafting or an astounding, concert performance, it makes you really feel alive. Elevating another person to the level of "your own true love" allows you to step out of your private realm of consciousness and see through someone else's eyes. Through the intimacy of sharing your inner worlds, life becomes a special secret between you both. When you are together, nothing exists beyond the joyously celebrated, present moment. Your mutual jubilation infects everything around you and truly makes the world a better place.
     Much has been said about what goes wrong and why it may not last. I'll leave that to the psychologists and marriage counselors. I prefer to celebrate its beauty and for the moment, reminisce. But only for the moment. Live experience is what I'm after.
     "Maybe you'll meet one of those three charming men you've set your intentions on, when you go Salsa dancing tonight, Mom," Chelsea pondered. That's just what I was thinking. The excitement of the evening to come distracted me from my sadness of separation from my daughter for the next three months. But I know she'll come back to Costa Rica, the strength of first love is my guarantee.
     That night my friends were the greatest, the music was fantastic and I had lots of fun - but no cigar. The place was so crowded there was hardly room to dance and no one interesting even asked me. My friend went to get for me, one of the professional dancers who worked there and danced with the customers. "No!" I protested, "It's embarrassing." Men ask me to dance - you don't have to get the hired guy to do it. But it was too late. He was there, so I went through the motions with the cute, bored looking kid. I felt so old. Everywhere there were glamourous young women, dressed to the hilt. Each time I stood in line in the ladies room I saw myself in the mirror, next to all the young beauties. Why do I continually compare myself with them? How silly can I get? And am I actually going to write about this? That was the kicker - knowing that I had committed to writing, honest and true, everything relating to my new intention.
     Then I remembered how much I learned, by writing to fortify the realization of my intention about money. At times it was painful, yet I pushed through and came out with a financial confidence I have never had before. Imagine if I can do that with this new intention and learn more about love. Encouraged by my own resolve, I chose to look at this experience as simply part of the process and enjoyed the night.
     Back home, in Puerto Viejo, I got sick and have been at home for the week. Nothing exciting to report. But my friend, Gina came by to visit and as she often does, shed a new light on things. I told her about my current intention - My Fabulous Love Life, laughing that I really don't have one. "You always say that." she said. "Look around you. You are living in a place surrounded by marvelous men. Your neighbor, Christen is a great friend. Junior Stewart - don't you know who he is? He's a fantastic guy. And Bull, the owner of this place - I've known him for years - you couldn't have a nicer, sweeter guy for a landlord. You are surrounded by all this positive male energy, and they like you and admire you and think you're beautiful, because you are. Of course you have a love life! You are surrounded by love." She was right but because these people were not of romantic interest to me, I'd been missing it. Through my intention about money, I learned that appreciation for what one has, is the key. Christen brings me food when I am not feeling well. Junior gave me some porridge and showed me how he made it, the Caribbean way. (Feed me and I'm your friend for life.) Junior and Bull have been telling me the stories of their lives and the history of this fascinating place. And now Jay has shown up, an old hippie musician, bringing some thought provoking conversation. There is lots to appreciate here.
     Another thing Gina brought up is how protective I am of myself. "Nobody can get through that big wall you put up around you." She's right again.
     "Well," I think, "It keeps out the riff-raff." It's not so much that I am afraid of being hurt as that maybe I don't have much confidence in my own discretion. I have made some poor choices in the past. Sounds like another hurdle to negotiate. I'm sure more will be revealed.

Appreciation

2010-08-07T23:27:00.000-06:00

If appreciation is key, as I said yesterday, then all the doors are open for me. I am just wallowing in appreciation of my life:

1. I have been sick for a few days. I do so appreciate feeling better.

2. I stayed home all week. I absolutely love my little home. It is small and quite humble but has everything I need to live comfortably. (You can see pictures in my latest travel journal entry.

3. I appreciate my neighbors.
     Bull (my landlord) gave me his phone and the keys to his house in case the internet people came by to set things up for me in my room. It is nice to know I am trusted.
     Junior, next door has been playing great music all day long, including my favorite Salsa songs. I love living here.
     Christen is always so caring and helpful - never asking anything in return.

4. I am so happy to have internet set up now. I have a Magic Jack phone and can call the States any time I want and my friends can call me, too. I enjoyed talking to my mother, son and daughter this afternoon.

5. I just adore my little kitchen. It is set up on one side of the bathroom but it works well and feels very nice. I made my favorite tonight - Patacones, a Caribbean dish of fried plantain bananas.

6. And I appreciate the movies showing up on Cinemax today - very romantic. One was about this man and woman who were unknowingly searching for each other for years. When they finally met, they recognized their linked souls and fell into each other’s arms. The other one was the sweet, albeit schmaltzy, Pretty Woman, with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. I used to hate watching that kind of movie. I was jealous! Now I enjoy them. I believe in romance in any way on any level and I revel in its expression.

      As I watched the end of Pretty Woman, when the guy realizes he is in love with the girl, I realized that is illustrating what I really want - one true love. Why did I not ask for it, as my intention?
      Well, I think there are several reasons. One is that I like my life so much just the way it is right now, I don’t want to risk having it disrupted. Secondly, dating three charming gentlemen sounds like lots of fun. But most of all, I think I chose that intention because I believe it can happen.
      Nothing happens that does not first originate in thought. Before anything will happen you must believe it is possible. That is why, in my previous intention, I chose the amount of five thousand dollars, instead of five million, for my financial goal. I just wouldn’t have believed I’d have five million dollars in a month. And now, I guess I am not sure if I believe that the love of my life would appear by Christmas. A few years ago, a psychic told me the man for me would be here by my next birthday. When the day was soon to arrive and he was nowhere in sight, I considered a man who was a very obscure possibility, as he was the only one around, and all I got was hurt. I don’t want to put a deadline on love.
      I’ll stick with my intention of dating three charming gentlemen by Christmas and see what develops.

A Day of Fantasy

2010-08-06T12:17:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a day of fantasy. After being holed up, sick, in the house for five days, I was feeling better and chomping at the bit. I rode my bike to the beach and on my way, I stopped to see my “crush.”
     Crush. That is the expression that seems to best fit. I have been hot for this guy ever since I met him over a year ago at the bike repair shop. He was working on my bike and I was joking, in my broken Spanish, about fashion. How low can a guy’s pants go, before they are no longer pants? This guy was the test case. But it wasn’t obscene - his underwear covered the important parts. Any way, this should give you an indication of his age. (I won’t tell you. I don’t actually know. But I’m sure he is well over 21.) And he is gorgeous - tall, lean, muscular and muy guapo (very handsome). His semi-shy smile emits an engaging innocence. Even though he could be the biggest ladies man in town, he’s not. He is quite sweet and sincere. He’s looking for a girlfriend - someone steady with whom he can settle down. But before you go calling the men in the white coats to come get me, be assured, that girlfriend is not me. That’s what’s so much fun about a crush. It‘s only a fantasy. No harm in that.
     So I stopped by to see this guy - I’ll call him Ricky - and ask if he was ready for me to paint the sign I offered to make for him. Really, it’s just an excuse to hang around. I thought it would be fun. We spoke briefly and I rode off to the beach.
     The day had taken on a romantic tone. The sun felt warm and welcome on my skin. The water was refreshing. I sunbathed while reading The Last American Man, a fascinating book by the author of Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert. And of course, I fantasized about Ricky. I would stop and see him on my way back and he would be alone, in his shop. When we kissed the customary cheek kiss greeting, as most Costa Ricans do, I would turn and get him right on the mouth!
     After a few hours I’d had enough sun. Riding back to town, I noticed a squeak had developed in my brakes, which gave me a legitimate reason to stop at the bike shop. Ricky was not there. So much for my fantasy. I didn’t feel like going home yet, so I rode over to the coffee shop. Guess who was sitting at the restaurant right next door? I told him about the squeak and he suggested I wait and go back to the shop with him. We had a nice little conversation, went back to the shop, and he de-squeaked the bike. All the while I’m thinking that there is no way I have the nerve to act on that silly kissing fantasy. What am I - nuts? With a customary cheek kiss goodbye, I was on my way home.
     Still full of energy, I decided to go out that night. One can be romantic, you know, even all alone. I put on some Salsa music and made a nice dinner for myself. I sang in the shower, polished my fingernails and toes, and put on that cute, blue dress my daughter gave me. It matches my eyes. Then I set out to look for my friend, Kate. I was feeling mischievous and she’s great co conspirator.
     We talked about men, over drinks at the new beach restaurant. I offered up my fantasy, but Kate’s part was much more fun. She had the real deal. Kate always has admirers, some with whom she indulges, while the others wait in the wings. “Go for it!” she advised. Kate has been dating men a decade younger than she for quite some time.
     “I can’t do that. He’s a child!” I protested. “Besides, I don’t even know if he is interested.”
     “He’s a normal, healthy Latin man. You know they love older women. He’s interested.” Kate replied.
     It was a festive night in my little tourist town, as it most always is. Kate and I bounced around town a bit and then - guess who we ran into? We sat down for a drink with Ricky and his friend and got to practice our Spanish. As the evening got later, the boys bowed out and went home. They had to work the next day. I ended up out 'til three a.m. It happens every time - Kate’s such a bad influence.
     So that was my day of fantasy - perhaps a bit anticlimactic for you, my reader, but I had fun. You may be wondering (as was I), what does all this have to do with my intention? Ricky, although charming in his own way, is not exactly - no not at all - in the category of the three charming gentlemen I am expecting. Should I not concern myself with a bit of fun? Should I focus only on my true desires? I think not. What I learned from my lesson on the power of intention regarding money, is that, as I said before, appreciation is vital. Like attracts like and when you appreciate, celebrate and take pleasure in life, good things come to you. I spent the day in appreciation of romance, which can come in many forms, including admiring a handsome man and walking on the beach all by myself.
     Another thing I learned is that it’s not for me to worry about how my intention will be fulfilled. I’m just here to enjoy the ride.

Fantasy Denouement

2010-08-05T09:20:00.000-06:00

Well, it seems, as with the previous intention, this blog is beginning to write itself. That is a good sign. Progress is being made.
       After my close friend (and spy), Gina, read my fantasy blog, she wrote me that she had recently seen my fantasy man with several girls, in intimate conversations. So much for the sincere innocent who told me he has no girlfriend. I realized that had my fantasy turned real, I would have been hurt to feel that I was just one of the many - even though I have no serious interest in this guy. The thing about a fantasy is that even though it is a fantasy, in the back of your mind you have to think it could happen. Otherwise it is not a real fantasy - just wishful (wistful) thinking. Gina brought me back down to earth.
       This morning I sat here thinking how I would have felt if my fantasy had turned sour. Then I stopped myself. “Wait a minute,” I thought, “If I can sit here and reminisce about a bad situation that never happened, I can reminisce about a good one, as well.” And if either one had happened, I would still be right where I am now, sitting in my room thinking about a past situation. It is all the same, just the memory of a situation in my mind. So why not have a pleasant one? Why not create the situation I would love to remember? Why not? Here it is:
       My night with Kate and “the boys” was lots of fun but the next day I was very tired. I only got four hours sleep that night. I didn’t get drunk, didn’t get in trouble - it hardly seems worth it. (This part is true.)
       That evening there was a knock on my door. It was Ricky, with a fragrant ginger flower for me. (This is the fantasy part - the preferred memory.) He was here to listen to the music I had told him about. He’d never heard of The Blues and the only way to explain it is to play the music. We spent the next few hours listening to and talking about the history of black music in the United States. He went out and bought us a bottle of wine, while I made dinner and we laughed and talked throughout the evening. I found that his English was much better than I thought. Many Latinos can speak some English but are shy about trying. I also found that my Spanish had improved much more than I realized. As we talked about our families and our dreams for life I could see that there was more to this guy than a pretty face. He was interesting and intelligent.
       The evening grew later and we were having so much fun that I began to wonder if Ricky was going to kiss me. He started for the door, saying he had to get some sleep to be ready for work the next day. When I stood up to say goodbye he impulsively grabbed me and gave me a passionate kiss that just about knocked me off my feet! I took a moment to recover and then wholeheartedly returned the favor. This rampant enthusiasm went on for never long enough. I navigated our embraces in the direction of the door and said good bye with a mischievous smile as I nudged him out. I remain enchanted by his playful protests of “Mi Reina, Mi Amor, Cariño, ¡Quiéreme o me muero!, me haces feliz, estoy loco por ti, bésame, abrázame.........”

I’m gonna get me a man!

2010-08-04T09:34:00.000-06:00

When I first came to Costa Rica I brought with me, the secret desire and belief that here I would meet the man of my dreams. Secret because I believed that I really shouldn’t have that desire. Secret because if anyone found out, they would ridicule my foolishness and dash away my hopes. I had the idea that a strong, confident woman did not need a man and that there was something wrong with me for wanting one. Mixed in with the secret desire for a man was my fear that I would not be able to make it here in Costa Rica, on my own. My plans for supporting myself were sketchy but when my knight in shining armor appeared, I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. So you see, I was living within two conflicting beliefs.
       These beliefs originated through my childhood experience and consequential summations on what life is like. Just like most everyone else, I had imperfect parents who, in spite of their efforts, made some mistakes that hurt me and skewed my view of the world. As we go through life, we ascribe to our deepest inner beliefs, often without even knowing it, and hold on to them as a way to navigate through confusing and sometimes scary times. Our subconscious tells us, “This is the way it is and this is what you’ve got to do about it.” It is as simple as that.
       Of course, the older we get, the more deeply ingrained are our beliefs and the more complicated it becomes. We may build huge, towering structures on top of false foundations. Then it is life’s job to tear that structure down. We patch and reinforce. Then life comes in and topples it again. Don’t tell me this hasn’t happened to you. It happens to us all and if we are fortunate enough to learn from life, we begin to replace the beliefs that do not serve us with ones that do. Life’s perfect timing is our saving grace.
       Apparently, I came here with a few more things to learn. First of all, I learned that I can make it here - or anywhere - on my own. Duh! I’d raised two kids, alone, and created a full, rich, life out of nothing, in the “frontiers” of Montana. Why did I doubt I could do it anywhere else? And of course, it is OK to want and need the love and companionship of a man. It is more than OK. It is absolutely normal. That’s why so many people here in Costa Rican culture react with surprise, when I answer their question, “Are you married?” I just read, in Elizabeth Gilbert’s, The Last American Man, that our North American culture is the "only major culture in the known world that never held romantic love to be a sacred precept.” Maybe that’s where I got the idea that it was a weakness to want or need a man. And maybe that is why I’ve felt so drawn to the Latin culture with it’s romantic love songs and dramatic telenovelas.
       So now what remains is to enjoy the anticipation of what will happen next! I’ve created a sweet and perfect niche for myself in this vida nueva (new life), without ingratiating myself to any knight in shining armor. And I feel no guilt, qualms or reticence about telling the world that now, I am gonna get me a man!

The Lighthearted Pleasure of Romance - That’s What We’re Here for!

2010-08-03T10:04:00.000-06:00

This posting was written in response to comments made by one of my readers, “Ohbegrateful.” You can read his comments in the comment section of the previous blog, called “I’m gonna get me a man.”

       Thank you for your pensive comments on my blog, Ohbegrateful. The time you took to give thought and to write shows your passionate concern for humanity and correct behavior toward others. I respect your attitude of surrender. Learning to allow what comes your way and trusting that all is for the best is a beneficial lesson in life. And your question: “If the Law of Attraction truly works, why not simply surrender to its power?” is a valid one. I will address it as best I can. But first I would like to respond to your “knee jerk reaction....” that my intention objectifies men.

       First of all, let’s clarify that this intention belongs soley to me. No one else’s projections onto it’s meaning are allowed. If you are saying that objectifying men is intrinsic in this intention, I adamantly disagree. There is nothing in “dating three charming gentlemen” that, in my mind, even remotely indicates that I will be viewing these men as objects to be used for my purposes.
       My knee-jerk reaction to your knee-jerk reaction is. “Ohbegrateful, pleeeeease - lighten up!” I want to date three charming gentlemen. In my dictionary, dating is defined as “to go out with, go around with, take out, be involved with ,see, woo, court.” The reasons one might have for doing this vary, according to the individual. My own reasons are to get to know and experience other people (specifically, of the male gender), share who I am and enjoy life together. I do not know how you got, from my writing, that I am objectifying anybody or seeing them as “mere objects to you that you wish to attract to yourself for your delight, your pleasure...” Oh, I am all for delight and pleasure. I think we can’t get enough of that in life. But honestly, Ohbegrateful - objectify, use people - I don’t do that. I’m sorry if anything I wrote in this blog implied differently.
       Those who have read my travel journals and book, “If She Can do It, So Can I,” may recall my intentions on how I wish to live my vida nueva in Costa Rica: Of utmost importance is taking the time to listen to people, hear their stories and their dreams and to see who they really are. I have also written about the human propensity to judge others and my grappling with and desire to overcome it in myself. The true appreciation of another human being and the sincere attempt not to judge them is exactly the opposite of objectification. These ideas are so strongly embedded in my consciousness that I cannot help but to continually question and monitor my thoughts and behavior. Again, if my writing has implied differently, I apologize.

       Now for your question, “If one were to say that it is the Law of Attraction (like attracts like) that brings two people together, then what is the need for the power of intention?”
       This takes me back to the reason I originally started this blog. I wanted to live prosperously, in Costa Rica but I did not know how to do it. My attempts had been thwarted by lack of money. When my fear of failure began to manifest itself, I knew I had to put a stop to it and use my God given, creative power to put my life on course. One may argue that God/Great Spirit (or whatever name you care to use), knows what is best for us and all we need to do is let it happen. I believe that God has given every human being the power and ability to choose the course of their life. If I had done nothing, I would probably be shivering, back in Montana right now, living with my lamenting mother, whose house had not yet been sold. Instead I took action on my behalf, helped my mom do some positive thinking on her behalf and both of us are happier for it. Coming up with a specific intention, declaring it to the world and then writing about it taught me life changing lessons. It opened up a myriad of possibilities. Perhaps I could use the same method to learn about romantic relationships. Perhaps, as with financial issues, there were obstacles of my own creation, keeping me from the relationship of my dreams.
       But why three men? Is that the relationship of my dreams? Of course not. But in order to manifest ones intention, one must believe it is possible. For me, the idea of finding the one “perfect” man is daunting. Three men who are not necessarily my perfect match but are pleasant company, each in their own way, feels like a possibility. I’m taking baby steps. And it feels “safer” too. In the past, I have never dated more than one man at a time. I always seem to end up falling head over heels and losing my perspective. Having various kinds of companionship may help me keep some healthy distance and teach me something new.

       Ohbegrateful, I have been and will continue to do as you suggest, “cultivate within yourself all the qualities you most deeply cherish in a relationship such as love, intimacy, trust, respect, joy.” And I will continue to learn, play with the power of intention and HAVE FUN! My suggestion to you, as I said before, is to lighten up! Let us never forget the benefit and value of simply having fun. The blog about my day of fantasy and it’s fictional conclusion was fun! It was a celebration of the glamour and excitement, the appeal, allure and charm and the lighthearted pleasure that can be found in romance. I will even venture to say, that that’s what we’re all here for!

My Last “Real” Relationship and the Wall of Self Protection

2010-08-02T11:05:00.000-06:00

In my Power of Intention blog about money, I was able to write every day. There was always something that occurred around money for me to think about and write about. The blog about romance has been more difficult. It is much easier to proceed with confidence on something with which you have already had success. That was the case with my intention on money. It is not the case with my intention on relationship.
      My last “real” relationship, about three years ago, was a disaster. Over the years, after having each different relationship be a bit better than the last (the ones in my younger years - the most dysfunctional), the most recent one was, without question, the worst. That’s because my boyfriend was nuts - in a weird, bad way. Vic was born in Puerto Rico and raised in the poor part of Chicago, in a family of twelve kids. As a child, he had been abused. Of course it affected his psyche. As you might expect, at first he was wonderful to me. But as I got to know him better, strange things began to come up. If I waited in the car, at Wal Mart, he insisted I roll up the windows and lock the door - for my own security. (Now this was during ninety degree weather, in my safe little town, in Montana - ridiculous!) If I disagreed with him on something, he would literally, keep me up all night, dredging through the same conversation over and over again. I wasn’t getting enough sleep, nor feeling well enough to exercise. It was like being brainwashed and conditioned in a cult! My friends were beginning to worry about me.
       Well, don’t you worry. I am not an abused woman. All this took place within two months and the only reason it took that long was that he begged me to “help” him. I got him out of my life, pronto. But my mental dilemma remained. What attracted me to Victor in the first place? Hadn’t I learned anything from all those years of relationship experience and introspection, studying psychology, spirituality? I thought I’d made some progress in my choices of men. Looking back, I noticed that four or five of my boyfriends had been childhood victims of abuse. What’s up with that? I still don’t know. But I know I’m not alone. My good friend, Gina, has had some loonies. If I tell her I am interested in someone, the first thing she asks is, “Does he have a job and is he mentally stable?” Pretty basic criteria, huh? Well, it seems some people don’t even ask for that.
       After that experience, my self protective mechanisms must have taken over because I have not had a boyfriend since. For the last three years (two of which, I have been in Costa Rica), I’ve been practically celibate - practically, not totally. I had one or two flings with men much younger than me - never with serious intent. (For a Gringa in Latin America, opportunities abound. Every woman should try it once.) It has its limitations but it‘s fun. Mostly, I just wanted to be sure I remembered how to do it. (I know, it’s like riding a bike....) Lately I’ve been wondering if the chance for genuine physical intimacy may be passing me by. Some friends my age have lost interest. One of them is relieved. She says her compulsion for sex is what always got her into so much trouble. Me, I have no compulsion, but I do feel that without romance, something is missing in my life.
      Is there really something missing? And is my own wall of self protection responsible for that? I trust that as I keep writing, more will be revealed.

I Renege, Revoke, Renounce and Abandon....

2010-08-01T21:21:00.000-06:00

Well, there is more to this power of intention than just saying “I want it and it will be so.” I learned of the creative power of the mind, twenty years ago and have used it successfully many times, yet it still mystifies me. Apparently the power of intention is also the power of attention, because where we put our attention is where the power goes. So if we put our attention on what we don’t have, while we ask for it and intend for it to materialize, we are actually undermining our goal.
     So we have to want it - but not that bad.
     Or maybe we are supposed to want it but just not think about it.
     Or not think about not having it.
     Yeah - that’s the ticket. We can’t think about not having it. We must think about having it. So it’s OK to want it and even better to imagine what it would be like to have it. In fact, if we can convince ourselves that we really do have it (on some level) and imagine how good it feels, then we are on our way. At least that is what the experts say.
     Well, it all sounds a bit contrived to me. I’ll have to go back and see what worked in the past. I can easily tell you what didn’t work.
     I have literally, been longing for my soul mate since I was four years old. Yes, I knew what a soul mate was, although I’m sure I didn’t use that word, nor did I realize what I was longing for. Looking back, I have no doubt. I’ve always been fascinated with men. At age four, I walked around our apartment building holding hands with my “boyfriend” Paul. He protected me from the local, big, bully. At age six, in the kiddie pool, I kissed a boy underwater (my idea). And it goes on and on..... They have come in and out of my life. When I was younger, there was one around every corner. As I got older they began to disappear. At some point I decided to take action and find “the one.”
     I tried internet dating. It’s not for me. I’m much too physical. The profile looks good, nice photo, too. We would write and have some good talks on the phone. But each and every time, upon meeting in person, the chemistry just wasn’t there.
     I tried psychics and love spells. Once I called a gypsy (yes, a real gypsy) into my life by reciting a poem I’d written. He turned out to be way more than I’d bargained for and I was out of there, fast.
     Friends said, “Make a list. Write down exactly what you want in a man. Thats how I got mine and he is just wonderful.” I tried that and combined it with Feng Shui, putting my list under a candle in the south west corner of my home. I lit the candle every evening and said another little, original poem. It worked - in a way. That one brought Victor, my last "real” relationship, which I told you about in a previous blog. Needless to say, I have not used that method again.
     I’ve been picked up and matched up. I’ve gone on blind dates but no, I’ve never dated the blind. There’s an idea..... I’ve hoped and prayed - even fasted. I’ve been advised by friends and strangers. I’ve listened to Tony Robbins and tried to be the person I was looking for. I read John Gray and I now know that men are from mars. Perhaps I should consider space travel. No, inner space is more my style.
     I’ve tried to keep an open mind. I’ve dated business men and mountain men, cowboys and good ol’ boys, airy new agers and older guys, too. For two years, I lived with a guy twelve years younger than me. Age wasn’t the problem - some people never mature. (I won’t say which one of us.)
     I have tried just about everything. The only thing I haven’t tried is swearing off men altogether, but maybe I should. My friend Lori did that and then the man of her dreams literally knocked on her front door. That brings me to the concept I’ve heard many people tout. “It happened when I wasn’t looking.” Yes,” they say, “I’d just given up. Figured I’d never find love again. Then he - or she - showed up.” And they lived happily ever after.
     I don’t want to sound jaded but I find it difficult to purposely not want what I do want. And I am just too inherently optimistic to give up on the whole thing. Today I came up from behind, on my bike, to a cute young couple walking down the street holding hands. She was wearing a snazzy little hat and her butt wiggled as she walked. He was absolutely focused on her with a great big grin on his face, like he must have been thinking about how glad he was to have her next to him. I just love love. I should have been a cupid or something. I can just imagine flittering around with my bow and arrow, picking out the potential pairs. Then I would ZAP and watch them fall. It would be a blast! I bet if I had that job I’d be so busy having fun I wouldn’t miss having a love of my own. Maybe in my next life.....
     In this life, I have had great success using the power of intention in just about every area other than romance. And believe me, I have wracked my brian - and then handed it over to psychologists to wrack - in order to find out why. I know the reasons I’ve made some poor choices in men. I know I am wearing a protective wall. I reject others before they can reject me. And I know that there is a hell of a lot I don’t know about all this. Honestly, at this point, I think I've just run out of steam.
     No, I haven’t given up and I am not swearing off men. I’m just tired of the idea of looking for one - or two, or three by Christmas. So there you have it. I renege, revoke, renounce and abandon my intention of dating three charming gentlemen by Christmas. But I’ll continue this blog, just to let you know if that works!

Mazlov’s Hierarchy of Needs

2010-07-30T12:38:00.000-06:00

My days have been busy and my nights have frequently been social. I am deeply satisfied and content with the way my life here in Costa Rica is set up these days. But this evening I came home feeling lonely. Maybe it is a case involving Mazlov’s hierarchy of needs.
       According to Mazlov, our basic needs take priority over our secondary needs, but when the basic needs are met, we humans naturally look for fulfillment of our higher level needs. The basic needs are for food and shelter. I’ve got that covered. Next comes security and I am feeling quite secure. Third is love and belonging. I must say that I experience this on some level, every day, through friends and family. However, as you know, I desire more. Mazlov says that success and status comes next. Got it. After that we can find God, which Mazlov refers to as “self actualization” and involves reaching a state of harmony and understanding. I work on this every day.
      Although I have run the gamut, it appears that one can experience the highest level and then go back down and up and then down again, according to what life brings their way. I have been to the top and then back down to the basic needs level, but with the help of the insight I gained earlier, the basic needs were easier to attain. For a while I had been so concerned with how I would manage my life in Costa Rica that romance and close companionship was that last thing on my mind. Now I am absolutely free from those concerns, which leaves space for new ones. Especially when I come home, after a busy day, alone. This evening I am feeling lonely.
      Well, this is nothing new to me or anybody else. Everybody feels that way sometimes and you just have to let it pass. I’m thinking about distracting myself with a movie later this evening.
      Still, I can’t seem to ignore a related and nagging question about the Law of Attraction and the use of intention to get what you want. If like attracts like, and I believe it does, then when you put your attention on what you do not have by asking for or intending to draw it into your life, you accomplish the opposite of what you want. So if I say I am lonely then I will bring more loneliness upon myself. Well, I am not going to lie to myself, bury my feelings or pretend otherwise. Maybe there is a difference between simply admitting it and dwelling on it. I did go to that movie. (It is now the next morning.) And it was a distraction. Today I am ready for another busy day and feeling just fine. But I know there is much more to explore regarding attraction and intention. Stay tuned.

What is love?

2010-07-29T20:40:00.000-06:00

What is romantic love? I was avoiding this subject because I don’t think there is an answer to that question. Yet I knew it was bound to come up. I’ve been home, sick (again) for the past few days, watching more movies. Is it a coincidence that the theme of most every one was based on love?
       The most interesting one was called Before Sunrise. Two twenty something, people meet on a train and decide to spend their only night together, wandering around Vienna. The film remarkably illustrates the way young love begins. First the meeting and the unspoken attraction, then the talking and talking for hours on end. Of course there is the mixing in of a kiss and a longing look, here and there. And finally the full on admission of their mutual fervor and avidity. The denouement is, “Now what do we do?”
       What fascinated me was watching, as the couple strolled through the streets with a lively city as their background, talking. They talked of all the usual stuff - their childhood and family, their hopes and dreams, their opinions (that others ever really understood) and their views of life and how to live it. As the evening progressed, they began to feel safe enough to share their inner world. They felt a special connection. They felt understood. There were poignant times when each listened to the other and seemed to lovingly absorb a new perspective on reality. However, most of the time, it was just two people - two egos - happy to have a captive audience. They had no profound spiritual connection. They didn’t even have that many common thoughts or ideas. But each seemed to have a genuine interest in listening to the other. Why? What brought these two together? Was it physical attraction, hormones, chemistry? I suspect that played a big part in the desire to get to know each other. But then why didn’t they just jump into bed without all that talking? It’s because they wanted more. Underneath all that talking was a longing, a deep yearning to be seen and understood.
       Is that what love is - for an individual to be seen apart from all the billions of people in this world, as the unique and special person they are? And then, even more, to feel that someone “gets” them, someone can actually understand the things they think and feel, someone even actually feels the same things, too. Is that not what we all hope for?
       I think that is what parents are supposed to give their kids. That is why many people are longing for something elusive. They never got the affirmation of being human from the ones that brought them into this world, when they most needed it, as children. Is that the reason why so many people are looking for but unable to find love in their adult lives?
       And many, many are looking, to no avail. It is all over the place in a million love songs, movies, stories and newspaper headlines. There’s Eleanor Rigby - she “picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been.” And Dolores Claiborne (just saw that movie) who lied to herself for years for “love.” Recently a celebrity made headlines for telling the world on Larry King Live that she was - guess what? - lonely and misunderstood. So when the girl and the guy in Before Sunrise get a whiff of the idea that this other person "really sees who I am and understands me", and their soul gives a sigh of relief - is that love? Or is it just the ego’s perceived affirmation?
       Maybe that is young love. Maybe love is something more when you get older. There is much talk about the difference between infatuation and the deeper, intimate love that grows from a long marriage. I know nothing of that experience but I am sure it must be true. I am curious about what falling in love, in the mature years of life, is like. When I was a teenager my Great Aunt Thora got married for the first time. She was ancient - or it seemed that way to me, any way. A few of the adults (and me, too) were excited for her and hoped for a happy future for the newlyweds. Most thought it was a bad idea. “They are both so set in their ways,” everyone said. And everyone was right (to my disappointment). The marriage lasted only a few months. Arlene (my friend’s mom) and her husband Richard had been high school sweethearts, who were kept apart. They both married another and then years later in their fifties, after spousal death or divorce, met again at a high school reunion. They spent a happy, twenty years together. The same thing happened to my uncle Darrell, who was married five times before he finally found his way back to his first love. The two octogenarian, love birds flew off into the sunset, aboard a Harley Davidson.
       Is it destiny, which prevails over the limitations of age, that brings people together? Most like to think so. I was talked into that one once, until he found the one he was really destined to be with. Their “destiny” lasted only three years and then hers took another direction. But it is such a romantic idea! My all time, favorite movie was filmed in the breathtakingly romantic setting of my old stomping ground, Glacier National Park, Montana. What Dreams May Come,
starring Robin Williams and Annabella Sciorra, is all about two souls who find each other, lose each other and find each other again in the next life. These two souls, who are destined to be together, go through hell and back, to get there. Everything about this movie exudes romantic love, reflected in all our ideals. I love this movie. I could watch it over and over again.
       So what is love? Is it a combination of chemistry and the feeling that you are understood? Is it more than that, in a deep and profound, mature way? Is it just a replacement for loneliness? Or is it destined to happen to preordained individuals? Maybe it is all these things and more. Maybe it is different for everyone. Maybe the only thing that really matters is - What is it for you? Or in my case, me? Only one way to find out........

Let’s Get Happy!

2010-07-28T19:44:00.000-06:00

I’ve been thinking about what worked when I used my power of intention for financial gain. It has been repeated over and over, in my recent experience - appreciation is the key. When I achieved success with my financial intention, I was working on a great project (my book). All my needs were taken care of and I was appreciating life. I lived as though nothing was missing because really, nothing was. I stopped worrying about money and just knew it would come to me.
       Well, I've felt the same - and then some, here in Costa Rica. Every day is an unexpected delight, as I just wrote in my travel journal post, “Big Waves.”
       While reveling in celebration of my life here, it came to me. I finally figured out why so many people say the love of their life appeared when they weren’t looking, when they’d forgotten about it, when they’d given up. It is because they were so involved with the other gratifying aspects of their lives, that they forgot to notice that something was missing. In fact there was nothing missing. They were happy and complete in their lives. They stopped putting energy into wishing for what they did not have. Instead, they focused their thoughts on those things they were involved with - the fulfilling, productive ventures they worked toward.
       So that is the secret. Since like attracts like, when you are thinking about what you do not have - what is missing - then you send out that energy, which only attracts more of the same thing.
       I am not doing that any more. And the reason is not only that I know better, it is because my life truly is complete. I can’t say it enough - how much I love the life I am living. I am doing what I enjoy. Writing frequently and taking some really beautiful photos to illustrate my writing in my Costa Rica Travel Journals.
I am painting a mural for my daughter’s boyfriend’s restaurant - for free! Well, just about for free. I paint, they feed me and every meal I’ve had has been excellent. I can do these things, write and paint without being paid because I have managed to get myself into an extremely economical living situation and everything is just flowing and falling into place.
       Then of course, there is my fondness for Costa Rica. The climate is comfortable. I love the humidity. It makes my skin feel so good. It is rainy season, but I don’t mind at all. We are still getting some sun. I can walk or run on the beach whenever I want. I can always find somebody nice to talk to. I honestly feel - maybe for the first time in my life - that I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Now, even though I may be living a charmed life, it is not flawless. I’ve gotten sick three times in the six weeks I have been back in Costa Rica. But I really don’t mind. I am happy to have a comfortable place to get better and I am relieved to know that I can take as much time as I need to recover. I have no job to go to. I have no worries about money. I’m not missing a thing. I choose to believe that being sick is just my body’s way of pumping up its immune system to keep me feeling better and healthier, every day.
Choosing my thoughts is something I have grown aware of and have become quite good at, too. These days, if I think a thought that makes me feel bad, I catch myself instantly and stop it. The other day I was thinking about my son. Our family is nowhere near him and his girlfriend is going to Alaska to see her family, for Christmas. How will he feel? What will he do? What will I do? I have no family here. I began to feel a bit melancholy until I realized that these thoughts were not serving me. Thinking from this perspective would not change a thing about the situation but it would make me feel bad. So why do it? Why not choose thoughts that make me feel good, instead? I distracted myself by delving into an interesting book and soon I forgot about my despondence. Things will work out for my son and for me, too. We will both have great holidays.
       The nice thing about the concept of choosing your thoughts to improve your life is that it is relatively easy. It is not like having to ferret out all your unconscious beliefs and change your whole belief system. Not at all. What you have to do is pay attention. Notice how you are feeling and then notice the thoughts that are present in your mind. For example, you are feeling depressed. Your mind is saying, “He doesn’t love me.” Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t, but do your thoughts of “he doesn’t love me” make him love you? Of course not. They just make you feel like crap. So stop it and start saying,”I love me!” or whatever you can figure out that makes you feel better. Renowned, motivational speaker, Tony Robbins says,”Fake it ‘til you make it.” He says that if you force yourself to smile, even if you don’t feel it, and you do it over and over, in a little while your body actually goes through chemical changes that create an improved mood.
Everyone can find something good in life to appreciate. And when you find one, soon another pops up and it goes on. So let’s all get happy! Write and tell me what is so great about your life. Really. I want to hear it. The more the merrier - great sentiments for the holiday season, don't you think?

The Dance

2010-07-27T18:08:00.000-06:00

Why do we do always have to do the dance?
       You love him but does he love you? Yes, he loves you, but now you are not so sure. You retreat, he comes closer. He is in for the hunt now. He will do anything to seize and conquer.
       He’s so sweet, so romantic you fall for it all the way and you are head over heels. He’s got you. But now, does he know what to do with you? You are so in love, so devoted, and you are a bit more than he bargained for. He backs off and you don’t hear from him for two weeks.
       “That jerk, that idiot! Why are men so hot and cold?” You vow to be through with men forever. But he doesn’t know that. And he has not forgotten those sweet kisses.
       He calls. You hang up. He sends flowers. You toss them out. He sings ballads at your balcony and finally you relent, reluctantly. Your keeping him at arm’s length, keeps him begging for more and soon it gets annoying. “Men - they’re so soppy and sentimental!” His best behavior is not good enough and you throw a hissy fit.
      He walks out and you wonder, “Oh no, what have I done?” Soon you are obsessed with getting him back and the dance begins again.
       My daughter went back to the States about six weeks ago. She felt she needed a break from living with her boyfriend and she wanted to spend some time with her dad. When the day came to leave she didn’t want to leave Jonathan, but she had made the commitment and I had bought the ticket. She left with plans to return to Costa Rica in three months.
       Since she's been gone I have spent some time with Jonathan and gotten to know him better. I think highly of this young man, the same age as my son. He began to feel like a son to me and he said the same about me. His mother died of cancer three years ago. One day we went together to shop in a nearby town and I was pleasantly surprised to hear him introduce me as his mother-in-law! On the drive home he talked of how much he loved and missed my daughter. Since she has been gone they’ve indulged in longing emails and phone calls - up until now.
       Things in the States did not go as well as expected. Chelsea’s headed back early, the day before Christmas. I was delighted. I miss her. I thought Jonathan would be, too. At first he said he was, but it didn’t quite seem that way to me. Later he told me he had been thinking..... about the good times and bad times. He was not sure if he wanted the relationship - and my daughter - back again.
      I was confused! I was his mother-in-law! But no, not really. It was just a nice little fantasy that gave me the feeling of having family around. Now suddenly my family was gone. I was surprised at the emotions this brought out in me. I was taken right back to the time I was in Chelsea’s shoes. Men! When you treat them well they don’t appreciate you and then when you leave them, they want you back. But hadn’t I done the same thing myself, in reverse?
       Chelsea and Jonathan are two young people, in love and maybe on the brink of an adventure of a lifetime - or not. I can’t help but hope for the best for my daughter - for the better than me, as we always want our children’s lives to prosper beyond our own. But here I must step out of the way. Their lives and their relationship are theirs to explore. I am just a hopeful bystander. Maybe if I had my own relationship to think about, my daughter’s would have less of an impact on my life........

Bystander hit by loose, flying smile!

2010-07-26T16:12:00.001-06:00

Love is everywhere - that’s how you feel when you are in love with life. And that is how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve been enjoying and appreciating life immensely.
       Of course that doesn’t mean it is without a few bumps in the road. A few weeks ago I was subjected to the pitfalls of small town life, which I somehow seemed to avoid, for the many years I lived in a small town in Montana. A woman, whom I thought was a friend, accused me of putting the moves on her boyfriend. She said he told her I asked him to be my lover. The mere idea was almost too ridiculous to even address, but I did. I told her - no, I did not and would not do something like that. What I did not tell her is that, as everyone else in this town knows, Angelo hits on everyone. And I would not be with him if he were the proverbial last man on earth.
       Well, It was disconcerting, to say the least. I liked Mari and was disappointed that she would choose to believe a lie about me. But yet, I understood. Love is blind, there is no doubt about it. Once I let my anger go, I considered what I know about pain. For someone to attack another, the way she did me, they must be in great pain. As always, most things people do to you are not about you, but about them. There was nothing to give her evidence that I was interested in Angelo because I never even talk to him. But I knew she needed to believe what he told her in order to continue to be his girlfriend, which is what she seems to want to do.
       I decided I would try to forget the whole thing and smile and say hello when I saw her. Well, the next day, there she was walking down the street and I looked the other way. I couldn’t do it. I was still hurt.
       Today, two weeks have passed and I have been simply so thrilled with life that almost nothing could bother me. I was riding my bike down the street and smiling - just smiling for the sake of smiling, regardless as to whether my smiles had any recipients. A woman approached on her bike, from a distance and one of my smiles, flying through the air, landed on her. It was Mari! I smiled hello before I even knew it was her - and she smiled back. So there you go, that’s what love does. I wish her the best. I’ve heard Angelo’s alcoholism is getting worse and Mari has to call the police to get him off her property frequently. It was nice to see her smile back at me.

Doing It Right

2010-07-25T10:09:00.000-06:00

All my life I have been compelled to do things the right way. I know where it comes from. It's what I was taught. At a very young age I rebelled and stopped doing things my father’s “right way” but I continued to feel the need to do things right. It’s a variation of the Puritan work ethic, work hard and you’ll succeed - do it right and you’ll succeed. That is my approach to everything.
      When I first learned about the power of intention, I wanted to use it. The logical next step was to learn how. Over the years I have read books, watched movies, observed and questioned people and experimented with my own life in an effort to study and successfully use the power of intention. I wanted to be sure I was doing it right.
       I have learned a lot. I’ve found techniques to help me determine my intention and focus my energy. In many cases, my experience has taught me that I can, indeed, achieve my desired results through my thoughts and expectations. Still, there were some things I wanted that just didn’t occur - mostly in the areas of finance and romance. Sound familiar? I know I am not the only one.
       At the beginning of this blog, the challenge I chose was financial. I learned so much through observation of myself and my thoughts - and then writing about it. That experiment was a considerable success. I honestly came to believe that my financial worries were over and I realized that I will have exactly the right amount of money coming to me as I need it, for the rest of my life. It sure felt good to say that. So good in fact, that I got the courage to work on the greater and more elusive matter of romance. For this task, my strategy would be the same. I would do what worked for the last one. I would do it right and be successful.
       Creating and realizing an intention around romance was so much harder for me. It seemed I didn’t have as much to write about so I didn’t write every day, like before. Honestly, I think I just didn’t want to force myself to think about it so much by writing. Yet my plan was to discover more through writing, just like I had done regarding money.
       My biggest (and self imposed) obstacle was the intention I chose. It was not what I really wanted. I was afraid to ask for that. So in the middle of it all, I abandoned my intention, but continued to write. Why was I afraid to ask? What I really wanted was a soul mate. One man - not three - who was the right man for me. When I think about it I realize that I did not want to ask because I didn’t want to be disappointed. I did not really believe that I could have it. This brings up the second huge difference between this intention and the one about money.
       My financial intention was tied into my lifestyle and essentially, my life. I asked for five thousand dollars in a month’s time because that is what I needed to go back to Costa Rica, comfortably. The difference, in that case, was that I would not take no for an answer. I just couldn’t imagine going back to life in the USA and there was no way I was going to do it. My mind was set on living prosperously in Costa Rica and nothing was going to stop me. That kind of resolve is the impetus behind successful intentions. You just have to say, “It’s going to happen.” No doubts and no question about it.
       In this case, I sometimes have doubts - I’m human - especially when it comes close to my deadline. But I try to give them no energy. I cast them aside and learn something more. How many times have you had life come to your rescue, just in the nick of time? We are given what we need when we need it. Perhaps I need to recreate my intention. Paying more attention to what worked last time.
   I will ask for exactly what I want.
   I will dispel all fear. After all, I have been disappointed before and lived     through it.
   I will dispel all doubts, knowing that what I ask for will come when the time is     right.
   I will proceed with confidence and I will not take no for an answer.

As you can see, I am still trying to do it right. But I am not going to pursue perfection. We all make mistakes - so much the better if it is a learning experience. Nobody said you have to be perfect for an intention to come true. In my next blog I will write a new intention and we will see what the New Year brings.

My Vision of Life - Won’t you come along?

2010-07-24T18:20:00.000-06:00

I think my new intention will be about romance. I am still wanting a soul mate. But no specific intention is coming to me. Then I fear that maybe I don‘t want a soul mate. Maybe if I had a soul mate I would not have my full, fun, adventurous life. My focus would be on him and I’d lose myself. It wouldn’t be the first time.
       But wait. Why should fulfillment in one area of life preclude gratification in another? I can have it all. Why not? There are no laws, no rules, saying we can have almost, but not everything. It is as if expecting a life of fulfilled dreams - each and every dream - is a delusion grandeur. Well if it is, then I am choosing, here and now, to be deluded. I have only this life to live in this moment and it belongs solely to me. I believe I can have it all. And furthermore, I’ll show you - just you wait and see.
       Now that that’s been resolved, I must go on to the greater task of determining exactly what it is I want. The conflict mentioned earlier, between my single life and my potential partnered life can be allayed by a higher vision. The question is, “How do I envision my life?”
       I see comfort and freedom. I am already living these intentions. I do what I want, when I want and I live in a tropical paradise. I continue to do so, traveling at times and always enjoying a pleasant standard of living. I always have enough money to support my preferred lifestyle. I intend to have enough money to help my children have a good and productive life. I intend to earn the money needed to accomplish my goals through my writing. I thrive on creativity and productiveness. This insures the independence and the freedom I love.
       At some point, in the midst of this lovely life I am living, an amazing man appears before me. This man is handsome, intelligent and wise, with integrity and great strength of character. He is a businessman who has accomplished much in his life and now has the time, the means and the desire to pursue challenges of a spiritual, humanitarian and pleasurable nature. His deep, intense gaze stirs my soul. Then his smile, big enough to let in the whole world, fills me with a love that bursts out into everything around us. This vibrant, passionate man is in love with me and in love with life. He is fun and funny, happy and sublime. He is Latin - fluent in English and Spanish - and he loves to dance Salsa. This marvelous man, dream come true, is honest and faithful, affectionate and kind. He sees into my heart and he knows me, always there with support and appreciation of who I am. My Latino asombrosador takes me in his arms and without a moment’s hesitation, he commits his heart to mine.
       That’s it - the way I envision my life - family, freedom, fun and a fabulous man, just for me. And along the way, I share my secrets with everyone. I arouse, awaken and ignite, in the world, a fire of desire and a belief in love. I want to motivate, encourage and inspire you all to make your dreams come true. You see, my vision of life - this lovely life where one can have it all - is not just for me. It includes you, too! Won’t you come along?

The Secret of Life

2010-07-23T14:20:00.000-06:00

This morning I woke up to the soft murmur of rain. I’ve grown to feel a comfort from this warm, familiar sound of the tropics. It enticed me back to sleep for a little longer, which was good. I’d been out dancing, carousing and having fun, last night, 'til three a.m.. Life is a gas!
       I can’t tell you how much I have been enjoying life these days. Words can’t convey it. It can only be felt. I walk through the world finding joy and delight in just about everything. And it’s not because I live in Costa Rica. Nor is it because I won the lottery or found my soul mate. (I didn’t.) It is simply and completely due to the fact that I have found the secret of life. Yes, that’s right. I know the secret of life and I use it, to my advantage, almost every moment of every day. It is becoming a habit, as natural as breathing. Would you like to know what it is?
       It is so simple - you may not believe me. (I have evidence. I’ll tell you later.) The secret of life is giving love in every moment, to everyone and every little thing around you. Now, this is not some lofty ideal and you don’t have to turn into Mother Theresa. All you have to do is walk down the street, look up at the sky and say, “Oh, what a lovely color of blue.” Then you turn and smile at the person walking by. Who cares if they see you? Who cares if they smile back? You smile and think a good thought. “How tall and grand of stature he is.....What a cute little dog she has.....That kid could be a great soccer player.” Keep your focus on the good and soon something good happens to you. You run into that guy you’ve been wanting to get in touch with and he’s right in line with your new idea. Or maybe you find a dollar on the sidewalk. Then you think, “Wow, I found a dollar. This is my lucky day.” and every day becomes your lucky day. It is really that simple. For us humans, giving love comes naturally. All we have to do is open our hearts and let it flow.
       I am fully convinced by my own experience, that appreciation (which is giving of yourself - giving love) is the secret of life. Like attracts like and the more you find to appreciate and take pleasure in, the more happy opportunities come your way. Recently, I set the intention of meeting and connecting with the man of my dreams. I gave thought to what I wanted, made a public announcement of it and then let it go, shifting my focus back to the enjoyment of my everyday life. Since that time, new men have been popping up everywhere and I’m getting many glimpses of my kindred spirit. There’s been Juan, Drew, Alejandro, Jean, Roberto, Natanael and Hubert. These are all interesting men whom I’ve met since the time I set my intention. Each has some of the qualities I am looking for and none have them all. It’s been great fun, just looking. I’ll give you the run down.
       Jaun is a local hotel owner, introduced to me by friends on a Salsa dancing night. He doesn’t dance. But what fascinating conversation we had. The man lives life surrealistically, moving from the physical dimension to metaphysical realms. His dynamic thoughts and ideas are a contrast to his more ordinary demeanor.
       I met Drew on the beach. He’s a chef from the States, who works all summer in a white water rafting resort and spends winters traveling the world. This fifty five year old guy, cool, relaxed and tanned, with his tousled hair and tattoos, looks just like one of the surfer kids 20 years younger. He too, has a refreshing outlook on life. He does Tai Chi and studies the Dao, but what you really notice about him is that he’s such a happy guy. And he should be. He’s living the “life of Riley”!
       I met Alejandro on the shore of the vast and beautiful Sixaola river. He was getting ready to catch a boat across to Panama. The “Wild Peace Maker” as he calls himself, works with local farmers to promote fair trade and sustainable living projects. This intelligent and very professional man is a transplant from Spain. He is devoted to his cause of making the world a better place.
       Jean is Tunisian, born of French and Italian parents. French and Arabic were both his first languages and of course, he speaks Italian and English, too. At age seventy two, he is far from my envisioned heart throb, but he seemed so interesting, I had to accept his dinner invitation. As a young man of only sixteen he began his world travels. Stories of backpacking in Istanbul brought exotic visions to mind, like old movies of chase scenes through the Turkish markets. At twenty one, he married a woman sixteen years his senior and they are still together. (Seemingly due to an “open marriage” type agreement. They each do what they want and he “visits” her in Paris, frequently.) At this moment I believe they are spending their fiftieth anniversary, under the stars of the Tunisian desert. Jean got his doctorate in mathematics at age twenty six and for many years worked as a university professor in France. Now retired, he was in Costa Rica on business, with a friend who just opened the Caribbean’s first five star hotel.
       I had to laugh, as I discussed the situation with my friend, Ed, who was visiting. Just a few days earlier I got a crush on my masseuse, who is twenty years younger than me. It was just a fleeting fancy and nothing more, passing quickly. To Ishmael, I was just another client. But to Jean, I was a potential girlfriend. It had to be the guy twenty years older that hit on me. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough!
       Right after dinner with Jean, I met some friends for drinks in town. That’s when Roberto walked up to me, as if to say, “Hello, I’m your new boyfriend.” The attraction was instant. Roberto is a very handsome man. That may well be his best attribute but it was enough for the moment. We spent the evening dancing, talking and walking on the beach. It was exciting to be held in the strong arms of such a fetching man. I kept thinking, “Wow! Someone to kiss and hold my hand. This is so much fun!” It had been over a year since I’d tasted that pleasure.
       Life is full of contrasts just to keep us on our toes. My next glimpse of mi media naranja came from Natanael. My friends, Connie and Aaron, are getting married on the beach, next week. Our mutual friend, Gina, called me. “Come on over, Connie wants you to meet Aaron’s adorable brother, who is visiting. He’s an artist. You’ll like him.” Natanael, Aaron’s little brother, was indeed adorable - and young. He was only twenty years old! Why in the world would someone that age be interested in me - and vice versa? Well, it seems Connie had been getting desperate for a distraction for her brother-in-law. Their house is quite small and she wanted some alone time with her honey. Being the good friend that I am, I complied. It might be fun. Natanael was devoted to his art and he was a musician, too. He spoke no English, so I’d get some good practice with my Spanish. I offered to take him along with me to take photos of a mural I’d done. Then we went to the beach. What a wonderful day we had walking the shoreline and climbing the muddy paths of the jungle of the Gandoca Preserve. We found we had in common, los ojos de un artista - the eyes of an artist. When I talked of the many different colors of blue I could see in the ocean that day, he understood. When he pointed out the tiny mushrooms growing on the jungle floor and gave me the vibrant orange and purple ocean sponges that he found, a heart felt kinship was born between us. We finished the day, learning each other’s language by writing in the sand. He sang and played guitar in the sunset. Un dia precioso!
       Last on my list, but not least, was last night’s dance partner, Hubert. Another one who speaks no English, but is nearer to my age. He’s a Tico (Costa Rican), an artist, a fantastic dancer and charming, handsome man. “I’m honing in.” I thought, “Getting closer to what I’ve been looking for.” And indeed, this guy had potential, until I noticed those big red flags he was carrying. One was attached to a large bottle of rum. Still, the dancing was great fun. He swung me and flung me around the dance floor. “Esto es más divertido que pasear en un parque de atracciones.” I told him. (This is more fun than rides in an amusement park.)
       As you can see, I’ve been enjoying and appreciating life. But it’s not just with men. I liked painting the sign I just did, for a friend, for free. I am so happy, getting my little house ready for a visitor from the States. I love the community cat I call “Baby”, who is about to have some herself. And I relish in the warm sun on my face and the sound of the rain. The truly magical thing about the secret of life is that it entertains you in the moment and you never even think to hold on to an experience. Each new moments brings another, even better one. This letting go, lets you love and appreciate people and things for their intrinsic value, not for what you can get from them. When you love and let go at the same time, you give others the freedom to be who they are and then you can really see them shine. Maybe they stay in your life, maybe they drift off. Either way, it’s all good. Another moment is on it’s way I and I just can’t wait to find out what will happen next! Pura Vida!

Opening the Heart and Letting Down the Walls

2010-07-22T18:04:00.000-06:00

Since I last wrote, a month has passed and interesting men have come and gone. I’ve been enjoying life immensely but there was still something missing. The light hearted game had begun to feel shallow.
       One evening I went out to dance. I’d been having a bit of a hard time with some people I know, trying to pull me into their crazy world. I felt sad and hurt. As I walked down the street, I sent a plea to the heavens, “I need to talk. Please, send someone for me to talk to.” At that instant, Derrick appeared. Derrick is a Rasta guy - one of those kids you see on the streets with long dreads and no shirt or shoes. He’s always been nice to me. He’s wanted me for over a year, but as he is not what I want, I’ve always spurned his advances.
       “Want to take a walk on the beach?” he asked.
       “Well,” I thought, “You never know where the voice of God may come from.” I needed a confidant and Derrick’s the one who showed up. We walked and talked. I poured out my heart and he held it gently. And at the end of the conversation I went on, to a fun night of dancing, feeling my old, happy self again.
       Over the next few days, Derrick sought out my company. He came over and helped me wax my car. “You’ve got to come to my house in the jungle,” he implored. “It is so beautiful up there. I know you would love it.”
       I knew what he wanted and maybe - just maybe - I wanted the same. It had been so long since I’d let anyone get close to me. Derrick may not have been my ideal, but he was sweet and I trusted him. My intuition told me it was the right thing to do, so I did. I went up to Derrick’s jungle house and immersed myself in a symphony of nature, with it’s wild, calling birds and foliage in stunning reds and deep and brilliant greens. I savored the jungle air, of rich and humid intensity. It was a lovely afternoon.
      This unexpected experience was inspiring. Look what I had been doing. Should one starve themselves because what they are looking for is not on the menu? Of course not! This was the turning point. I decided I was not going to spend my life in waiting. I took a deep breath and jumped in - with an ad on Craig’s List.
       I kept it simple. Basically, I asked for an attractive Latino who was not married or broke, for a little romance. I got quite a response. And you can bet that whatever weird, strange reply you can imagine is one of the ones I got. I had to weed through them. There were nice ones, too. In fact, every email from a Latin man was polite and respectful. It was the Gringos who sent me the rude replies. And as soon as I saw their crude photos, I hit “delete.” I corresponded with a few of the nice guys and I chose Marcial.
       Now here was a man with many desirable qualities. He was handsome and smart. He’d lived in the States for ten years, so he spoke my language and understood my culture, yet he was very Latino. He had the walk, the talk, the passion and romance and a fun-filled enthusiasm for life. Marcial is a dynamic person, intelligent, creative and ambitious, ready to take on the world and seek his fortune. And in a whole different place in his life than I. That’s because he is much younger.
       We corresponded by email and then spent hours on the phone, getting to know each other, before we met. Marcial was visiting family in Costa Rica and would be going back to the States soon. He had big plans for his life, which at this time, did not include a serious relationship. I was in agreement with this, as I knew he was just too young for me. But, “Oh, no!” I thought, “What if I fall in love?” It has been known to happen. Well, you can take chances in life, or you can sit at home and watch other people do it on TV. You know what I decided to do.
       I am happy to say, I made the right decision. I did not fall in love, but I shared some lovely moments with a very lovable man. He was tender and sweet, sensitive to my needs and desires. He looked into my eyes and listened when I spoke. He cared about what mattered to me. He brought me to his house and told me all about his life, opening up his world to me. As we shared a special intimacy, I began to feel my heart open. The walls I’ve maintained for so long, for my protection, were no longer a barrier to my own happiness. The walls were melting away. I remember the exact moment I realized, as we lay together, heart to heart. A voice inside simply said, “Your heart is open.” I never had the chance to tell Marcial.
       But that may not be important. He may intuitively know, because when one heart opens, the other cannot help but be touched. Late at night, on the top of the mountain, we gazed down at the city lights, like millions of stars nestled in the hills around San Jose. And we talked. In the shelter of the dark, Marcial shared the sadness he held inside. He spoke so poignantly, I was filled with compassion. And at that moment the voice came to me again, “His heart has opened, too.” I was elated!
       Will we see each other again? It doesn’t matter. What matters is the quality of the time we shared. I learned that I can love without falling in love, I can love without feeling hurt and that it feels so good to just love, without wanting or looking for more - just love. How free that feels. How liberating. No need for those walls any more - my open heart remains, getting bigger and bigger all the time, big enough to embrace the entire world.

Happy Thoughts and Help Opening Jars

2010-07-21T18:40:00.000-06:00

Men! Recently a very strange thought occurred to me - maybe I am happier without one. I always thought having a “soul mate” would be just about the happiest thing in the world. And maybe it is. But the only reason we want anything other than what we have at any moment is because we think it will make us feel better than we do at that moment. As of late, I’ve been feeling pretty good most all the time, without benefit of male companionship.
       In my last blog, Opening the Heart and Letting Down the Walls, I expounded on the idea of “Don’t starve yourself, just because what you want is not on the menu.” My intention was to partake in the company of attractive men, even though they may not really be the man I am wanting. To get the whole thing going, I put an ad on Craig’s List and got lots of replies. The end result was the positive experience I spoke of in that blog - and more learning for me.
       I learned that in spite of the fun and excitement of new romance, it ends in emptiness, without being in love. The time I spent with Marcial was good, but since we both went into it as a short lived situation, there was no depth - no emotional intimacy. We did not come together as people in the bliss of discovery of a kindred spirit. We were together for the fun of it. Although we liked and admired each other, Marcial and I did not share the same beliefs and values. Soon the lack of emotional, spiritual and intellectual bonds led to boredom.
       Now, the Craig’s List ad is gone, but the energy of it’s idea remains, as do a few hangers on. I found myself fretting over how to tell Derrick that I don’t want to visit him in his jungle house again and Roberto that even though I kissed him a few times, I do not want to be his girlfriend. Then I realized, that as often as not, the thoughts that fill my head regarding men are not always the thoughts that make me happy. The first few dates are nice, but then you wonder if he’ll call or you wish he would stop calling! You think he’s great, but then you don’t really know him. How much of what you are seeing is who he is, as opposed to who you want him to be. (Projection, as it is called, is very easy to do when you don’t speak the same language.) I compared these kind of thoughts with my “normal” thoughts.
       Since moving to Costa Rica and truly living a life of my own volition, I think happy thoughts all the time. I think about the melodic sound of the Spanish language as I hear the kids playing in the street. I think of the beautiful places that are right around the corner, like the mouth of the Rio Hone Creek and the waterfall at Volio. I dream of new adventures that are waiting just outside my door. And inside my door is not so bad either. For the past four days I have gone nowhere for two reasons. One - I am trying to get over a cold. And two - I am in the process of painting a beautiful sign for my kids’ restaurant and I have a deadline. I’m enjoying my work, I love my little home and I am absolutely content. Perhaps I would do well to consider my choice of thoughts and stay with the happy ones.
       So am I giving up on men, throwing in the towel, swearing off them, as did a friend of mine who’s Mr. Right literally showed up at her door shortly after she did that? Never! I love men. They are strange and mysterious. They make life interesting. And there’s at least one thing that, for me, requires the company of a man, for it to be the most fun. What’s that? Why, they can open jars, of course. Like I always say, “Everybody’s gotta be good for something.” I’ll keep thinking my happy thoughts about life here in paradise and I’ll probably keep a guy or two around - to open jars when the lid is stuck, you know.

Age and Ice Cream

2010-07-20T13:57:00.000-06:00

I’ve been alone for a long time, though not for lack of offers. My writing contemplates the idea that my attitude may be my biggest limitation. I know what (who) I want and if he is not here, in front of me, I want no one. Well, that’s fine for day to day life, but not so good on a rainy Costa Rican afternoon when all you want to do is stay in bed.
       I’ve been trying to look at this from all angles. Forget about men and just appreciate life. That was my first idea. I have a wonderful life, here in paradise, but there are still those lingering, rainy afternoons.
       A friend suggested the multiple boyfriend idea. If you don’t have one with all the qualities you want, try for three, each with some of the qualities. I found lots of guys with lots of good qualities but none I felt like spending time with.
       Then, some self reflection revealed childhood beliefs which may sabotage my true desires. I realized it’s OK for me to have love in my life. I deserve it. And I can let down some of those protective walls I’ve set up. No one will come in, if the door is locked.
       Still no one came in when I opened it. So “forget the whole thing.” I decided. I have a great life. I’m happy and connected with others most all the time. Alas! That’s a silly statement for such a romantic as me. I pondered on love, watching family, friends, movies - what does it mean? Does anybody understand it?
       Watching, rather than living gets boring, fast. A new thought arose. If I can’t have true love, sex could at least be a pleasant diversion. That one came to a pleasant but predictable end. After a few times the fun fades and superficiality prevails. It’s empty. And “like, I didn’t know that from the start.” Well, it was a diversion.
       Meanwhile, a sweet young man kept calling. I said no, I said I was busy, I didn’t call him back, (he’s so young) but he persisted. My friend, Gina, told me, “Don’t look for any man. Wait for one to find you. If he really wants to be with you he’ll keep coming back, even if you say no. He won’t take no for an answer. That’s the one you want.” Sounds like good advice - but Gina is the one who told me to take that “child” home on my birthday. One must carefully weigh advice given by crazy people! Nevertheless, that sweet young man, Derrick, is the one who keeps coming around.
       I don’t know why these younger guys always seem to be interested in me. I’ll blame it on Linda Gray - remember her? She was an actress on the wildly popular '70s TV show, Dallas. The media made a big deal out of her fiftieth birthday because she still looked so beautiful. To me, as a kid, that was inspiring! Being fifty does not mean you have to turn into an “old lady.” I decided I was going to be just like her.
       The other day, I asked my daughter what Derrick could possibly see in me? “He likes older women.” she said blithely, as if she were discussing his preference in ice cream. Some like chocolate, some vanilla. If your favorite is strawberry, nobody cares. Is age preference just the same? Or is there some kind of weird, underlying psychological stuff going on? (I don’t want to go there.) By the way, did you know that studies say white people who like chocolate ice cream wish they were black and blacks who like vanilla want to be white? I wonder...... what about those who get a double dip of each? Me - I like all kinds of ice cream and men of all ages, too. I love them all. And admittedly, I really do like Derrick. But what do I want to do with that?
      The problems in a relationship with such an age difference are obvious. We are two people at very different stages in our lives. Consequently, I would not, for a minute, consider a serious, long term commitment with Derrick. He agrees. And besides, I know my soul mate is on his way. But until then, perhaps I might consider Janis Joplin’s advice (no, he does not know who she was) and get it while I can. Her advice was,”Don’t turn your back on love. If someone comes along and wants to give you love and affection, get it while you can. I say, get it while you can.” Maybe it‘s best to take the offer of love, where you find it, and don’t ask questions. I’ll keep you posted.

The Unofficial End to This Part of My Blog

2010-07-19T08:29:00.000-06:00

I started the portion of my Testing the Power of Intention blog, called “My Fabulous Love Life” in order to use my power of intention to create the fabulous love life I wanted. My expectation was to become aware of, through writing, my thoughts that blocked the way to my desires. And I hoped to learn more about myself and about relationship, in the process. Simply giving thought to the use of intention in daily life has provided a place for learning and advancement. But have I discovered my own obstructions? I don’t know and honestly, I am tired of thinking about it.
       In the past six months, I have looked at this aspect of my life from almost every angle. I’ve made a point of keeping an open mind. I tried this, I tried that and I always tried to keep it light and have fun. Now I am just tired of trying.
       In my last blog post I talked about Derrick, and considered that the momentary pleasure which he offers may be a better choice than simply being alone. I enjoyed his company immensely but ultimately, it led me right back to where I started and, frankly, to where I have been all along - looking for more. Wanting what I don’t have just makes me feel like something is missing. What I am looking for, Derrick cannot give. And finally, I am tired of looking.
       Lately I’ve been to the beach every day. I do my yoga in the sand, swim and soak up the amazing, incredible beauty of my surroundings. I revel in this time. I absorb the beauty and I emanate it back out to the world. I am beautiful, too. My skin glows with a gorgeous golden brown. My hair is a sparkling, sun bleached yellow. My body feels loose and free, relaxed and supple. Yes, I feel beautiful, I know I’m beautiful, yet I found myself thinking that it was wasted. There was no one there to appreciate it. But wait.... let’s stop and re think that thought.
       Everywhere I go I get compliments, always from men and often from women, too. I can’t cross town without reactions from the men in the street. They smile and greet me sweetly with polite come ons. “Hola Bonita! Que linda, como le va?” and “Donde va, mi amor?” as they try to engage me in conversation. I smile and breeze on by, feeling beautiful - feeling the beauty of life!
       So I know I am beautiful, inside and out. I know I am appreciated, and I appreciate me, too. What more do I really need?
      My plan for this blog was to figure out how to intentionally bring the man of my dreams into my life and, in writing about it, inspire others. Sorry about that. I’ve been on this for six months and though it has been fun, my hopes have not come to fruition, as far as I can see.
      I still believe in the power of intention and I hope I have not dashed away someone else’s dreams by the lack of fulfillment of my own. I believe that our thoughts create our reality and I have created an absolutely wonderful one here in Costa Rica. At this point I am just going to enjoy what I have got and forget about the rest. Men come and go - so let them. The meaning in my life runs far deeper than my concern with the fleeting presence of any individual.
       I am not officially closing this blog, just putting it by the wayside. I’ll write again if anything of consequence occurs. And that may well be the case. As we all know, life it just full of surprises.

"To Thine Own Self Be True"

2010-07-18T07:35:00.000-06:00

I am writing this post as a response to a comment to my last post, left by my reader, Tam. She said:
      I have really enjoyed reading your Blog the past few weeks. I have read them all in a matter of a short time. You have been such a great inspiration to me, I have learned a lot reading this, in a way, I feel the same way. I'm 27, living in a small Northern Ontario town of 5,500 people. I grew up here, there is nothing left for me here, I will never advance here, never find a man of true nature and a loving one when you grow up and know them all. LOL.
       I have so many dreams of leaving this country and going for a fresh start in life, Costa Rica has been one of the places I've only dreamed of living in. I wish I had it in me right now to move forward like you did. Go take the leap and go for it. One day I will. Live my life to the fullest. Live my dream.
      You are right 'Men come and go - let them' but don't give up.

Thank you for your kind comments, Tam.
      I never know who is really out there in the internet world reading my writing. It is gratifying to know that you have read my whole blog and can relate to it. I think we all learn by sharing our experiences.
      As for your experiences in your small town, it's funny..... My friend Derrick, of whom I spoke in the last few blogs, is your age and he said the same thing you did about growing up and knowing every one of the girls from this town.
      You believe that your life is on hold while you are living in your home town. And you say that one day, you will live your life to the fullest and live your dreams. Many people say that and times passes on. Then, they find their lives are at the closing and they have never really lived them. I believe we must live our lives to the fullest each and every day, in each moment.
      When I was your age, I moved 3000 miles across the country from the east coast to Montana - just me and my two babies and only $4000.00 cash. I moved there, sight unseen, with no job or specific plans. This move was one of the best decisions I made in my life. Montana was a great place to raise my kids. We had a wonderful life there for over 20 years! Having children forced me to confront myself. I could not live with the idea of having them ask me, some day, why we had stayed in a place where I was so unhappy, when there was a beautiful life just over the horizon.
You don't have kids, but you do have yourself and the whole idea here is to be true to yourself. A quote from Shakespeare's "Hamlet", is my guide for life:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
      If you are true to yourself, you live with integrity and your actions follow your beliefs. Listen to your heart, Tam. You don't have to figure it all out and have all your "ducks lined up in a row" before you take the leap into the life of your dreams. You don't even have to know exactly what the life of your dreams looks like. It is always a work in progress, any way. Just take the first step - or take a leap and jump right in. But whatever you do - do something! Take action to move in the direction that feels right and see what happens next. That's all you have to do.
     When you set your intention to move ahead and then go with it, without regard to schemes and strategies, the adventure begins. That is when life carries you above the banal regime you soar on your own enthusiasm. That is when the magic happens. It's yours, dear, waiting there, right in front of you - go for it!
      As for me - no, I will not give up on men - they are just too much fun! I will continue to enjoy their company and see what happens next.......

When Good Comes Out of a Bad Experience

2010-07-17T08:03:00.000-06:00

*Please note that this article is a modified version of the same article posted on my Costa Rica Travel Journal web site. It is pertinent to both blogs.

       Although I lost interest in documenting my love life intentions and their outcome, the intentions still exist, as do their consequences. I did not realize it at first, but regarding my love life, I do now have just exactly what I had been looking for, in the moment. I have someone who fills most all my desires as a woman. This is not the lifetime, soul mate relationship that is my highest aspiration, but it is just fine for now. The way I see it, you put your intention “out there” and then you go along for the ride.
       My love life intentions are secondary to the life intentions and directly affected by them. Right now it seems the bigger life intentions have priority and that I can best accomplish what I need to do, alone.
These life intentions, which I have stated before, have to do with growth and following my dreams. That’s what my moving to Costa Rica was all about.
       A move to Costa Rica is not just a change in lifestyle or an extended vacation. It is very much, a learning and growth inducing experience. This is true for me and for many others, as they have testified. The course taken by our learning (and our life) is directed by our intentions associated with the move. Some have come to escape the rat race, others to find solitude or a soul mate. And most everyone comes with the intention of finding a better life in paradise.
       My intentions in coming to Costa Rica were all of the above and more. Many have come to fruition and some are still in process. Recently, several situations have been cause for reflection on my intentions for my life here in Costa Rica.
       When I came to Costa Rica my biggest intention was to change my life. That I did, unquestionably. I came here for a change but I was not sure this was where I wanted to stay. I spent the first two years groping around for a way to make my life work here. (You can read all about that in my book “If She Can do It, So Can I !”) Then, after struggling with money and, at times, loneliness, I went back to the States, uncertain if I would return. My own desires, hence intentions, were unclear to me.
       It was during that time - four months back in Montana - that a true intention for my life in Costa Rica was formed. As I wrote, turning my travel journals into a book, I relived my life here. The rich memories of good times and bad times, alike, grew into a real love for Costa Rica. It was then that I decided, no matter what, I would go back. Out of that decision, sprung this blog. I felt that if this intention thing is really legitimate, I should be able to prove it by example of my own life.
       I began the blog about money, as that was my biggest obstacle. A month before I was scheduled to return to Costa Rica, I had none. This put me in a bit of a quandary, as I was not willing to go back there penniless, nor was I going to stay where I was. Those two things became the catalysts to my success! I believe, without a doubt, that the reason I was able to go back to Costa Rica with money and figure out a way to live, was that I was willing to accept nothing less. I set my mind on acquiring $5000.00 first, and leaving as scheduled. It happened, just as I intended.
      Once back in Costa Rica, there was still the issue of how I would be able to live a somewhat secure life. Circumstances led me to an inexpensive rental and all has fallen into place - again, because I intended it to. Income from my property in Montana, combined with earnings from my budding business - a guide service - kept me comfortable and all was well for seven months. Then - the first of the recent events.
       I got an email from the tenant in my house. She was moving out. That is what got me into trouble last year. Both my house and apartment were vacant for two months, at the same time. No money for mortgage or property taxes: no money for nothing! I fretted and worried about this for months when it happened, working online every day to find new tenants. Finally, I went back to Montana to resolve things. This time, the moment I got that email about the new tenant moving out I decided not to worry about it, like I had before. I would allow only thoughts of success. Surely I would have a renter - a good and reliable one - exactly when I needed it.
       Fortunately my tenant was kind enough to give me two month’s notice. I had that much time to find a new renter, before she would stop paying rent. Again, I worked on Craig’s List and with friends back home, to find someone. In the past two months, I must have emailed thirty people. There were some I might have said yes to, if I’d been desperate - but I was not. I waited with confidence, for just the right person to come along. And they did - not until the last minute, but they did come along, just like I knew they would. On June fourth, the money was in my account.
       The second recent event that unsettled my world was a theft. I was robbed at one of my very favorite places - the nearby waterfalls. I was hardly ten feet from my backpack when a guy came up, grabbed it and ran. He got our lunch, a towel, the skirt that matches my bathing suit and worst of all, my beloved camera. I love that camera! I used it to take all the great photos I have on my web site.
       I’ve been robbed before, several times. The most interesting thing about this, to me, is my own psychological reaction. The first time it happened was the biggest. I was in the quaint little town of Orosi. During the night the convertible top from my car was stolen, along with my stereo, my CDs and all my clothes - yes, all of them! I’d never been robbed before. I had come from a town where you don’t even have to lock your door. This was a Costa Rica initiation experience and It took me a while to get over it. (Read all about it in my book.) I yelled, I cried, I was angry. I wondered what I did wrong. Was I bad person or just a stupid person? It was not until a year later that I finally found some good in the experience. My sympathetic friends, back in Montana saved their unwanted clothes for me and when I came back to visit, I had lots of cool clothes that I never would have thought to buy for myself.
      The second time I was robbed was a small one. I was house sitting at a very vulnerable place: no locks or bars on the windows, just screens that could easily be cut. I went with a friend, for an afternoon walk on the beach. When we returned, the place had been ransacked. I did not lose much - a flashlight, alarm clock and sunglasses. I’d kept my valuables in the impermeable security trunk of my car. But I was hurt, I felt violated. My friend was sympathetic, but then went on to start the dinner we had planned and talk of other things. I felt slighted. Didn’t he care?
       I walked outside to do a bit of pouting and found myself thinking instead. I realized that in my mind I had been connecting this incident with every other negative one I could think of, all leading me to some kind of a terrible “poor me” conclusion. And I’d wanted my friend to join in. Once I was aware of the nonsense going on in my head, I put a stop to it. The robbery did not mean that Costa Rica is a bad place or that I was not meant to be there. It simply meant that the house was an easy break-in and somebody figured that out. In this “ah ha” moment, I learned to let go.
       Just yesterday one of my daughter’s puppies - a brother and sister pair - was hit by a car and killed. We are all very sad about this, including the surviving sister dog, Sativa - she saw it happen. All day long while she moped around, people were petting her: showing their love and sympathy. Then in the afternoon, I noticed Sativa run across the road to the beach to play with another dog. I thought about how humans would never do that. We hold on to our sadness. Sativa misses her brother but she let it go. We must learn from the animals.
       After I got over the shock of being robbed - of that guy looking right at me, saying hello and then swiping my bag - I made a decision. I was not going to let this get to me. I was not going to react like I had before.
       I knew I needed to vent and get it out and I did. I cried and complained that I was embarrassed, that I felt stupid, that I should have been more careful. And my friends understood. Out of sympathy, John said he was sure the next time that guy did anything like this, his karma would get him and as he ran, with the goods, he’d slip and take a deadly tumble from the top of the waterfalls. I said no, I would not wish that on anyone. I know that any anger I hold on to, only hurts me. But when we got back into town and I told Jonnathan, from Cafe Ivon, that we’d lost the lunch he’d made for us, I couldn’t help but agree with his certainty that the thief would eat the lunch and get a terrible stomach ache. We laughed at the thought of the robber, sitting on the pot, with diarrhea, crying in regret.
       After the theft, my friends suggested we go on home. “No,” I said adamantly, “I would feel defeated if I allowed this to ruin our day.” So we went on, climbing further up the stream, swimming some more and then swinging on vines down the jungle trail.
       My challenge has been (and still is, a day later), to control my thoughts regarding this incident. Countless times it has popped into my head, trying to be revived and relived. Each time I stop it and say no. “It is bad enough that it happened once. I do not need to let it happen again and again, in my head.” I notice my tendency to think about it, imagining how I could to do it over and foil the crime this time. “If only I had done this or that......” Then I stop myself, “This is nothing personal, no one did it to you. It just happened. The guy saw an opportunity and took it. You are not bad, or wrong or stupid. And the camera can be replaced. Now let it go.” I talked to myself over and over again. And it worked.
       The face of the ladrone is fading. When I see it in my mind, I let it go, holding nothing against him. I made a conscious decision that although he stole my stuff, he could could not steal my strength, my confidence, or my good will toward others. I have seen that what matters is not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with it. What is more, I believe that in letting go, I have opened the door for good to come out of this situation and already, it has.
       My camera is a big issue, as I have a two week road trip planned and I must leave in just over a week. I need a camera to document my trip. I found one exactly like my old camera, on eBay. In an effort to find someone to bring it down here to me in Costa Rica, I sent out an email to all my readers. This is still unresolved but has led to something that touched my heart and fortified the belief that my life here is a success. One of my readers sent me money to buy a new camera. This caring act, from a concerned person I have never even met, means so much more than the money. It tells me I am on the right path. It reminds me never to give up. And it confirms that I do not need to live in fear and worry. I will always have my needs met and be well taken care of.
       The most gratifying thing about all this, to me, is it’s affirmation of the power of my intention. My intention has been to live in Costa Rica, comfortable and secure, free of financial concerns. This was tested twice by recent circumstance: the rental issue and the theft. I have learned not to be afraid, not to worry. I know that, as like attracts like, my positive outlook continues to propel my intention to fruition. This is my home. I live here. Nothing can take that away, except my own choice. And for now, with the rain, the heat, and the thieves in the jungle, I still see this as paradise. I choose Costa Rica.

Always at Work, Our Intentions Never Fail

2010-07-11T22:32:00.004-06:00

A few months ago, I announced the end of my blog: My Fabulous Love Life. I’d given up on the use of intention, to bring me my soul mate. Nevertheless, that did not end my love life, nor my desire for one. Life goes on as a powerful force that carries along every aspect of one’s growth: work, play, money, fears, challenges, accomplishments and of course, always love. Whether blasted on billboards or quietly held in secret - even denied - our intentions are always at work.
       Recently it occurred to me that there are levels of intentions. My intention for today, to get some exercise, could be considered a lower level intention, than my intention to earn enough money to live. At times our intentions conflict. What if I plan to exercise and a money making opportunity comes up? I believe our biggest, strongest, lifelong intentions are the ones that dominate and have the most effect on our circumstances. Therefore, my fabulous love life is compelled to continue. My dominant intention is to love.
       Many years ago I pondered, as we humans often do, my purpose for existence. Why I am I here? What is the meaning of my life? My personal conclusion was that we are all here for the same reason: to love. It was at that time, I asked and set my greatest intention: I want to learn to love. I want to learn to love all things, all beings, absolutely everything; and I want to be very good at it. Hence, my love life, and my love of life, continues.
       In a number of blogs, I’ve made mention of Derrick. He’s the one I spurned and then succumbed to. His youth made me shun his advances, until finally, I relented, for the sake of love - romantic love, that is. You see, I had not had any for quite a long time. I finally decided to take it from where it was offered. Today, four months later, I see this decision as a monumental one, in the process of fulfillment of my principal intention. In my relationship with Derrick, I have made much progress in the process of learning to love.
       The meaning of love is different for every individual. I would never presume to speak of what love means to anyone other than myself. To me, love comes with great challenges, the biggest one being: to love unselfishly. Can one really love, free of all personal interest? Is not the gratification of being loved, what we really seek? If, to truly love someone, you wish for their best and highest good, what if their highest good does not include you? What if what’s best for them sends them off to work in a foreign land? What if it sends them into the arms of another lover? In the Bible, Paul says: Love is patient, love is kind; love doesn't envy. Love is not proud, it doesn't seek its own way, it is not provoked and takes no account of evil. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. That is quite a big order. Can you do it? I think all any of us can do is try.
       I had no idea I would learn so much from a relationship with a twenty five year old. The key to this is intrinsic in the situation. For reasons which should be obvious, neither of us is interested in a long term commitment to each other. Therefore, it’s all about how to love in the moment. When you must ask no more of your lover, than to be there in the moment; when you desire no more than their company, whenever it may occur. You learn about love.
       As we began, the first thing I noticed was my habitual way of wanting something from this person in my life and my thoughts that revolved around it. He wasn’t giving me enough attention - well, I’d just have to find another “boyfriend.” But wait, Derrick was not my boyfriend. He had no obligation to me but I had an obligation to myself, to live my life without concern for his behavior. As I voluntarily let go of my expectations, I realized that, in the past, I had been assigning them to every other man I had ever been involved with. I never questioned it because every other man was a potential life mate and if I were to spend my life with them, they had better meet my standards. Instead of looking at them as an individual with a variety of attributes, I looked at them as what they could be for me. How imposing that must have felt to them and how unfair.
       Next I noticed how good it felt to let go of my expectations. “Who cares about that stuff!” I thought. “My life is happy and full of things to do. If Derrick happens to come around at a convenient moment, I’ll enjoy it. But I won’t look for it or wait for it.” What a relief that was! Yet it was something I never would have learned, had I not been compelled to.
       I was compelled to look at Derrick differently than I had any other lover because I knew it would not last. I didn’t want it to. Derrick is a very sweet man. He is a friend and a confidant but he is not my soul mate. He is not the one I wish to spend my life with. Once I overcame my old way of thinking about men, it felt liberating. So what if he has no car, rides a bicycle and never wears shoes? He is kind and loving and he cares for me. His life is not for me to judge or be invested in. What freedom there is in that! I can see him as a whole, appreciate his special qualities and let the rest go. It does not belong to me. And what freedom he must experience, in my acceptance. Love flourishes in freedom.
       It is our nature to want to feel free. My next discovery about love and freedom was that, true to the saying about letting the butterfly go, it does come back to you. The less concern I had for Derrick’s attention the more he seemed to give. And now I live my life, attend to my affairs, pursue my calling and Derrick drops in frequently. He checks in to say hello or comes by to cook me dinner. I’m delighted when he calls in advance to set up a day together on the beach or in the jungle, enjoying the things we both love. We share our separate lives with open hearts and intimacy. We are filled with an abundance of love and it feels wonderful! And so it goes, for as long as it lasts.
       We hold in high regard, each others best interest and at some point that will shift us apart. We both know this. I trust that we’ll always be friends and treasure our time spent together. And for myself, I will take what I have learned, into the next relationship and give love in a way I have never been able, before.
       In learning to love, this relationship has been a good teacher - although really, I know my greatest teacher is my own heart. Our hearts are always there to teach. We have simply to open the door to the circumstance in which to learn. When I chose to say yes to this one, I was looking to fulfill a lower intention - seeking male attention. But with my principal intention still at work, I got so much more.