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I left life in small town USA two years ago, for the lure of a tropical paradise without much to fall back on. Twice, I've run out of money and come running home. Well I'm headed back for the third time and it's bound to be the charm. I am more determined to make this work, than I've been about anything in my life. I'll use every resource there is but rather than messing around with the little ones, I'm going right to the top. I know what I want and I believe the strength of my intention will bring it to me and set the circumstances, allowing me to live the life of my dreams.
A Trail of Inspired Thoughts
A few years ago I had some spare air miles and an invitation from friends in Mexico. So I went on a whim. I never imagined that it would lead to where I am today.
Visualization, Confrontation and Calendars
Well, you just never know how things will work out, do you? I told you that today was my deadline for renting my house. I have not rented it yet. I also told you that my mother has decided to try using visualization and positive thinking to sell her house. It just may be sold, already!
Embedded Beliefs About Money
It’s five a.m., I’ve been awake for an hour and the demons have come to haunt me in the night. OK, they’re not demons - just bad thoughts. Call them demons and they take on a life and a power of their own. They’re just thoughts. But isn’t it interesting... you start with one little negative thought and it is like a magnet. It sucks in every other negative thought floating around and before you know it there’s a slew of them piling up on you, one after the other, each waiting their turn for a chance to dominate your mind.
Making Things Happen vs. Letting Things Happen
When I started this project, I was constantly monitoring my thoughts about myself, regarding money and abundance. I take my work seriously. I wanted to do it right and be successful. At one point I wondered if I was trying too hard.
Success Leads to More Success
Today was another good day. I made $100.00 at my yard sale.
I totally know I will meet or exceed my $5000.00 goal and have even been thinking of what goal I want to set next. It is said that whenever we begin to experience the power of intention in our lives we want to use it more and more, we set our sites higher and we come up with bigger and better goals. The encouragement I feel from attaining my first goal of getting the perfect tenant increases my confidence that the next one will be fulfilled - and the next one........
I totally know I will meet or exceed my $5000.00 goal and have even been thinking of what goal I want to set next. It is said that whenever we begin to experience the power of intention in our lives we want to use it more and more, we set our sites higher and we come up with bigger and better goals. The encouragement I feel from attaining my first goal of getting the perfect tenant increases my confidence that the next one will be fulfilled - and the next one........
Have YOU gained dinero through your thoughts?
Hello friends. Today is day eight of my new blog. I made a commitment to write every day but it is really hard to keep.
La Musica - en el Agua, el Aire y la Sangre
I have been so happy living in the moment, enjoying all that is around me. It was a cold and windy autumn day, here in Montana and as the leaves showered down, I was grateful to be here watching the seasons change. You don’t see that in Costa Rica. But even more than that, I was glad to know that I would soon be far from this cold weather.
Like Attracts Like
Lately I have been a living testimonial for “like attracts like.” I’ve been feeling good about everything. Even the cold weather doesn't bother me all that much, mostly because I know it is temporary. I enjoy putting up posters for the sale of my mother’s house. Today I took them to all the banks around here and was pleasantly received by smiling, helpful people. I enjoy answering all the email I am getting these days. All kinds of people are offering me places to stay and helpful suggestions. And today I got an email from a High School English teacher whose words made my day.
Puritan Ethic, Latent Guilt and Sleeping with the Laptop
Not every day is as bright and shining as yesterday was. I tell you this to show you I’m human and I’m not Pollyanna. Often my temperament seems to follow the weather. Today was one of those windy, partly cloudy, fall days - a moody day that can’t make up its mind. At times the sun burned through the clouds and made you think it was actually going to get warm. Then a few minutes later it was dark and grey.
It Works!
Yesterday I walked into the Credit Union to pay my mortgage. I was told my balance was $185.00 less than it normally is and no one knew why. I thought about just keeping quiet. That is the kind of mistake I don’t mind.
Today Nothing Happened.
Today nothing happened. Well, nothing that I know of any way. I spent the day working on the computer promoting my book. I am a bit tired. Even though I had a nice day and still felt appreciation for most everything, I am also slightly discouraged. I had begun to expect amazing occurrences every single day.
New Insight!
I’m reading a book I got a while back, called Belief Works, by Ray Dodd. I have read it before, but this time it led me to some new insight. There are lots of good books with theory and philosophy, methods and techniques for creating your own reality. Esther Hicks is a channel who writes the words of a being called Abraham. I like her books. They give you a strong shot in the arm of positive thinking. Wayne Dyer is the popular one out there these days with his book called The Power of Intention. I have not read it and actually, I didn’t even know about his book until I googled the name I chose for this blog.
I like Belief Works because besides telling us to think positive, Dodd explores why we don’t.
I like Belief Works because besides telling us to think positive, Dodd explores why we don’t.
An Ah-Ha Moment
For the past few days I’ve been wondering how something that happened in the first ten years of one’s life can have more impact than everything that happened in the next thirty. Childhood experiences have impact and they have lasting effects. Everyone has their story.
Relax, Trust and Appreciate
A few days ago I decided I had to let go of my website and book sales and take a break. Then I began to learn why. It is so interesting how one thing leads to another. I’ve never worked so relentlessly on one thing before. I had to go through that in order to understand how my beliefs had been undermining my own prosperity. I wasn’t aware that I thought I had to work to the exclusion of everything else in my life in order to have money. But I see now, that taking a break means letting go and trusting the universe to do its work, too.
It's All in the Flow
Today I spent some money. I have been avoiding that all summer and am fortunate to have been able to stay with my mother, who feeds me. When I don’t have much money and I need to spend some, I tend to do it reluctantly, with a feeling of guilt. Today I decided to curb that kind of thinking and remember that money comes to me frequently and easily.
Cold!
I’m cold and I’m tired and I’m tired of being cold. I have been cold all summer. This house is just cold. But now that the weather has turned absolutely, unseasonably frigid, it is much worse. The snow has come a month early. My mother keeps the heat low. Once in a while, but rarely, I ask her to turn it up a bit, but I really have no right to. She is paying for it. It’s just getting to me - always being cold. And eating salads - it was fine this summer but when you are cold - cold all the time - cold food is not what you want. But my mom does not spend much on food and I don’t want to ask her to buy anything that she normally doesn’t buy. It sucks being dependent on somebody else. It totally sucks!
Spread Joy
I normally don’t write my blogs until the end of the day, but this morning I awoke to some pleasantries so sweet I just had to share them.
An added benefit from writing this blog is the ceaseless encouragement I get from my readers. Some come as comments on the blog, others in personal emails and some just land in my lap.
An added benefit from writing this blog is the ceaseless encouragement I get from my readers. Some come as comments on the blog, others in personal emails and some just land in my lap.
Let’s Be Realistic?
I’m feeling a better today. The weather has warmed a bit, I took a nap and I enjoyed dinner and a movie at a friend’s house this evening. I know I will sleep well tonight because I got something from the health food store to help me - unusual for me, but so is sleeplessness.
Life is a Gas!
I had no idea I would learn so much through this process, this blog. I figured I would write about my testing of the power of intention, honestly sharing whatever I went through, and see what happened. Maybe some anonymous benefactor would find me (it could happen), maybe a publisher would want my book - and then, when I found out about the commission for the sale of my mom’s house - maybe that’s where it would come from. Of course there is always the possibility of the five thousand dollars falling from the sky into my lap. At this moment that seems to be the most likely of them all.
Learning More Every Day
Every day, I think I’ve run out of things to write about and won’t have anything to say when it comes time to write. And every day things happen and something comes to me. I have written for 23 days in a row, so far - amazing!
Today I had the opportunity to put to the test, some of the things I have been learning from this blog.
Today I had the opportunity to put to the test, some of the things I have been learning from this blog.
Day of Reckoning - Goal Surpassed!
Today is the 20th of October. This is the day I set to reach my goal of five thousand dollars in the bank. At this moment the money is not in my account but I think I have, in a sense, reached my goal. Today my mother signed a Buy/Sell agreement to sell her house and my commission will be over $5000.00. Yeah!!!!!
Back on the Blog!
Today is my second day back in Costa Rica and I am back on the blog! Eight people emailed me and asked me to keep writing. I was hoping for eighty but eight is just fine. At least I know someone is out there. I welcome your comments and I hope, by sharing what I learn, you learn, too.
Time for an Update
Things are going well. I am still happy to be in Costa Rica. My plans have changed a bit but life is moving me in a good direction.
I have not sold another book since the last blog in which I intended to sell one per day. Nevertheless, my bigger intention was to be able to support myself and live comfortably here in Costa Rica. So far, so good.
I have not sold another book since the last blog in which I intended to sell one per day. Nevertheless, my bigger intention was to be able to support myself and live comfortably here in Costa Rica. So far, so good.
My Fabulous Love Life
Things couldn’t be better. My Costa Rica Guide Service went very well with the guy from North Carolina and I have decided to make it into an official business. I made a web page and already have people interested. In addition to that, I have situated myself in a very affordable place to live, which includes internet in my room - so I can keep writing. Good things just keep coming my way. Again this shows what positive thinking and good intention can produce.
I have not sold any more books lately, but I know I will. Now that I have better access to internet I can do more online work to get the word out. As I put energy into it, this facet of my world, again comes alive.
AND I am feeling so much positive energy these days that I’ve decided to be daring and ignite another intention. Intentions don’t scare me any more but this one will be a stretch. I made reference to it in a previous blog. I am going to title it “My Fabulous Love Life.”
I have not sold any more books lately, but I know I will. Now that I have better access to internet I can do more online work to get the word out. As I put energy into it, this facet of my world, again comes alive.
AND I am feeling so much positive energy these days that I’ve decided to be daring and ignite another intention. Intentions don’t scare me any more but this one will be a stretch. I made reference to it in a previous blog. I am going to title it “My Fabulous Love Life.”
My Fabulous Love Life - Do I have one?
While driving my twenty year old daughter to the airport in San Jose, her wistful musings reminded me of first love. "He's just so cute, Mom, with that adorable round nose and mischievous smile. And I like that his hands are bigger than mine. They are not huge. They're just right." She went on and on. Ah, the sumptuous details of our lover's countenance and demeanor. We notice and indulge in every little thing and, as Sting says - it's magic!
It has been a while for me - quite a while. But I remember. I've been in love many times. Each time, unique as the person I was in with. It is a happy, heady, mind bending experience - and so much fun. Like whitewater rafting or an astounding, concert performance, it makes you really feel alive. Elevating another person to the level of "your own true love" allows you to step out of your private realm of consciousness and see through someone else's eyes. Through the intimacy of sharing your inner worlds, life becomes a special secret between you both. When you are together, nothing exists beyond the joyously celebrated, present moment. Your mutual jubilation infects everything around you and truly makes the world a better place.
Much has been said about what goes wrong and why it may not last. I'll leave that to the psychologists and marriage counselors. I prefer to celebrate its beauty and for the moment, reminisce. But only for the moment. Live experience is what I'm after.
"Maybe you'll meet one of those three charming men you've set your intentions on, when you go Salsa dancing tonight, Mom," Chelsea pondered. That's just what I was thinking. The excitement of the evening to come distracted me from my sadness of separation from my daughter for the next three months. But I know she'll come back to Costa Rica, the strength of first love is my guarantee.
That night my friends were the greatest, the music was fantastic and I had lots of fun - but no cigar. The place was so crowded there was hardly room to dance and no one interesting even asked me. My friend went to get for me, one of the professional dancers who worked there and danced with the customers. "No!" I protested, "It's embarrassing." Men ask me to dance - you don't have to get the hired guy to do it. But it was too late. He was there, so I went through the motions with the cute, bored looking kid. I felt so old. Everywhere there were glamourous young women, dressed to the hilt. Each time I stood in line in the ladies room I saw myself in the mirror, next to all the young beauties. Why do I continually compare myself with them? How silly can I get? And am I actually going to write about this? That was the kicker - knowing that I had committed to writing, honest and true, everything relating to my new intention.
Then I remembered how much I learned, by writing to fortify the realization of my intention about money. At times it was painful, yet I pushed through and came out with a financial confidence I have never had before. Imagine if I can do that with this new intention and learn more about love. Encouraged by my own resolve, I chose to look at this experience as simply part of the process and enjoyed the night.
Back home, in Puerto Viejo, I got sick and have been at home for the week. Nothing exciting to report. But my friend, Gina came by to visit and as she often does, shed a new light on things. I told her about my current intention - My Fabulous Love Life, laughing that I really don't have one. "You always say that." she said. "Look around you. You are living in a place surrounded by marvelous men. Your neighbor, Christen is a great friend. Junior Stewart - don't you know who he is? He's a fantastic guy. And Bull, the owner of this place - I've known him for years - you couldn't have a nicer, sweeter guy for a landlord. You are surrounded by all this positive male energy, and they like you and admire you and think you're beautiful, because you are. Of course you have a love life! You are surrounded by love." She was right but because these people were not of romantic interest to me, I'd been missing it. Through my intention about money, I learned that appreciation for what one has, is the key. Christen brings me food when I am not feeling well. Junior gave me some porridge and showed me how he made it, the Caribbean way. (Feed me and I'm your friend for life.) Junior and Bull have been telling me the stories of their lives and the history of this fascinating place. And now Jay has shown up, an old hippie musician, bringing some thought provoking conversation. There is lots to appreciate here.
Another thing Gina brought up is how protective I am of myself. "Nobody can get through that big wall you put up around you." She's right again.
"Well," I think, "It keeps out the riff-raff." It's not so much that I am afraid of being hurt as that maybe I don't have much confidence in my own discretion. I have made some poor choices in the past. Sounds like another hurdle to negotiate. I'm sure more will be revealed.
It has been a while for me - quite a while. But I remember. I've been in love many times. Each time, unique as the person I was in with. It is a happy, heady, mind bending experience - and so much fun. Like whitewater rafting or an astounding, concert performance, it makes you really feel alive. Elevating another person to the level of "your own true love" allows you to step out of your private realm of consciousness and see through someone else's eyes. Through the intimacy of sharing your inner worlds, life becomes a special secret between you both. When you are together, nothing exists beyond the joyously celebrated, present moment. Your mutual jubilation infects everything around you and truly makes the world a better place.
Much has been said about what goes wrong and why it may not last. I'll leave that to the psychologists and marriage counselors. I prefer to celebrate its beauty and for the moment, reminisce. But only for the moment. Live experience is what I'm after.
"Maybe you'll meet one of those three charming men you've set your intentions on, when you go Salsa dancing tonight, Mom," Chelsea pondered. That's just what I was thinking. The excitement of the evening to come distracted me from my sadness of separation from my daughter for the next three months. But I know she'll come back to Costa Rica, the strength of first love is my guarantee.
That night my friends were the greatest, the music was fantastic and I had lots of fun - but no cigar. The place was so crowded there was hardly room to dance and no one interesting even asked me. My friend went to get for me, one of the professional dancers who worked there and danced with the customers. "No!" I protested, "It's embarrassing." Men ask me to dance - you don't have to get the hired guy to do it. But it was too late. He was there, so I went through the motions with the cute, bored looking kid. I felt so old. Everywhere there were glamourous young women, dressed to the hilt. Each time I stood in line in the ladies room I saw myself in the mirror, next to all the young beauties. Why do I continually compare myself with them? How silly can I get? And am I actually going to write about this? That was the kicker - knowing that I had committed to writing, honest and true, everything relating to my new intention.
Then I remembered how much I learned, by writing to fortify the realization of my intention about money. At times it was painful, yet I pushed through and came out with a financial confidence I have never had before. Imagine if I can do that with this new intention and learn more about love. Encouraged by my own resolve, I chose to look at this experience as simply part of the process and enjoyed the night.
Back home, in Puerto Viejo, I got sick and have been at home for the week. Nothing exciting to report. But my friend, Gina came by to visit and as she often does, shed a new light on things. I told her about my current intention - My Fabulous Love Life, laughing that I really don't have one. "You always say that." she said. "Look around you. You are living in a place surrounded by marvelous men. Your neighbor, Christen is a great friend. Junior Stewart - don't you know who he is? He's a fantastic guy. And Bull, the owner of this place - I've known him for years - you couldn't have a nicer, sweeter guy for a landlord. You are surrounded by all this positive male energy, and they like you and admire you and think you're beautiful, because you are. Of course you have a love life! You are surrounded by love." She was right but because these people were not of romantic interest to me, I'd been missing it. Through my intention about money, I learned that appreciation for what one has, is the key. Christen brings me food when I am not feeling well. Junior gave me some porridge and showed me how he made it, the Caribbean way. (Feed me and I'm your friend for life.) Junior and Bull have been telling me the stories of their lives and the history of this fascinating place. And now Jay has shown up, an old hippie musician, bringing some thought provoking conversation. There is lots to appreciate here.
Another thing Gina brought up is how protective I am of myself. "Nobody can get through that big wall you put up around you." She's right again.
"Well," I think, "It keeps out the riff-raff." It's not so much that I am afraid of being hurt as that maybe I don't have much confidence in my own discretion. I have made some poor choices in the past. Sounds like another hurdle to negotiate. I'm sure more will be revealed.
Appreciation
If appreciation is key, as I said yesterday, then all the doors are open for me. I am just wallowing in appreciation of my life:
1. I have been sick for a few days. I do so appreciate feeling better.
2. I stayed home all week. I absolutely love my little home. It is small and quite humble but has everything I need to live comfortably. (You can see pictures in my latest travel journal entry.
3. I appreciate my neighbors.
Bull (my landlord) gave me his phone and the keys to his house in case the internet people came by to set things up for me in my room. It is nice to know I am trusted.
Junior, next door has been playing great music all day long, including my favorite Salsa songs. I love living here.
Christen is always so caring and helpful - never asking anything in return.
4. I am so happy to have internet set up now. I have a Magic Jack phone and can call the States any time I want and my friends can call me, too. I enjoyed talking to my mother, son and daughter this afternoon.
5. I just adore my little kitchen. It is set up on one side of the bathroom but it works well and feels very nice. I made my favorite tonight - Patacones, a Caribbean dish of fried plantain bananas.
6. And I appreciate the movies showing up on Cinemax today - very romantic. One was about this man and woman who were unknowingly searching for each other for years. When they finally met, they recognized their linked souls and fell into each other’s arms. The other one was the sweet, albeit schmaltzy, Pretty Woman, with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. I used to hate watching that kind of movie. I was jealous! Now I enjoy them. I believe in romance in any way on any level and I revel in its expression.
As I watched the end of Pretty Woman, when the guy realizes he is in love with the girl, I realized that is illustrating what I really want - one true love. Why did I not ask for it, as my intention?
Well, I think there are several reasons. One is that I like my life so much just the way it is right now, I don’t want to risk having it disrupted. Secondly, dating three charming gentlemen sounds like lots of fun. But most of all, I think I chose that intention because I believe it can happen.
Nothing happens that does not first originate in thought. Before anything will happen you must believe it is possible. That is why, in my previous intention, I chose the amount of five thousand dollars, instead of five million, for my financial goal. I just wouldn’t have believed I’d have five million dollars in a month. And now, I guess I am not sure if I believe that the love of my life would appear by Christmas. A few years ago, a psychic told me the man for me would be here by my next birthday. When the day was soon to arrive and he was nowhere in sight, I considered a man who was a very obscure possibility, as he was the only one around, and all I got was hurt. I don’t want to put a deadline on love.
I’ll stick with my intention of dating three charming gentlemen by Christmas and see what develops.
1. I have been sick for a few days. I do so appreciate feeling better.
2. I stayed home all week. I absolutely love my little home. It is small and quite humble but has everything I need to live comfortably. (You can see pictures in my latest travel journal entry.
3. I appreciate my neighbors.
Bull (my landlord) gave me his phone and the keys to his house in case the internet people came by to set things up for me in my room. It is nice to know I am trusted.
Junior, next door has been playing great music all day long, including my favorite Salsa songs. I love living here.
Christen is always so caring and helpful - never asking anything in return.
4. I am so happy to have internet set up now. I have a Magic Jack phone and can call the States any time I want and my friends can call me, too. I enjoyed talking to my mother, son and daughter this afternoon.
5. I just adore my little kitchen. It is set up on one side of the bathroom but it works well and feels very nice. I made my favorite tonight - Patacones, a Caribbean dish of fried plantain bananas.
6. And I appreciate the movies showing up on Cinemax today - very romantic. One was about this man and woman who were unknowingly searching for each other for years. When they finally met, they recognized their linked souls and fell into each other’s arms. The other one was the sweet, albeit schmaltzy, Pretty Woman, with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. I used to hate watching that kind of movie. I was jealous! Now I enjoy them. I believe in romance in any way on any level and I revel in its expression.
As I watched the end of Pretty Woman, when the guy realizes he is in love with the girl, I realized that is illustrating what I really want - one true love. Why did I not ask for it, as my intention?
Well, I think there are several reasons. One is that I like my life so much just the way it is right now, I don’t want to risk having it disrupted. Secondly, dating three charming gentlemen sounds like lots of fun. But most of all, I think I chose that intention because I believe it can happen.
Nothing happens that does not first originate in thought. Before anything will happen you must believe it is possible. That is why, in my previous intention, I chose the amount of five thousand dollars, instead of five million, for my financial goal. I just wouldn’t have believed I’d have five million dollars in a month. And now, I guess I am not sure if I believe that the love of my life would appear by Christmas. A few years ago, a psychic told me the man for me would be here by my next birthday. When the day was soon to arrive and he was nowhere in sight, I considered a man who was a very obscure possibility, as he was the only one around, and all I got was hurt. I don’t want to put a deadline on love.
I’ll stick with my intention of dating three charming gentlemen by Christmas and see what develops.
A Day of Fantasy
Yesterday was a day of fantasy. After being holed up, sick, in the house for five days, I was feeling better and chomping at the bit. I rode my bike to the beach and on my way, I stopped to see my “crush.”
Crush. That is the expression that seems to best fit. I have been hot for this guy ever since I met him over a year ago at the bike repair shop. He was working on my bike and I was joking, in my broken Spanish, about fashion. How low can a guy’s pants go, before they are no longer pants? This guy was the test case. But it wasn’t obscene - his underwear covered the important parts. Any way, this should give you an indication of his age. (I won’t tell you. I don’t actually know. But I’m sure he is well over 21.) And he is gorgeous - tall, lean, muscular and muy guapo (very handsome). His semi-shy smile emits an engaging innocence. Even though he could be the biggest ladies man in town, he’s not. He is quite sweet and sincere. He’s looking for a girlfriend - someone steady with whom he can settle down. But before you go calling the men in the white coats to come get me, be assured, that girlfriend is not me. That’s what’s so much fun about a crush. It‘s only a fantasy. No harm in that.
So I stopped by to see this guy - I’ll call him Ricky - and ask if he was ready for me to paint the sign I offered to make for him. Really, it’s just an excuse to hang around. I thought it would be fun. We spoke briefly and I rode off to the beach.
The day had taken on a romantic tone. The sun felt warm and welcome on my skin. The water was refreshing. I sunbathed while reading The Last American Man, a fascinating book by the author of Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert. And of course, I fantasized about Ricky. I would stop and see him on my way back and he would be alone, in his shop. When we kissed the customary cheek kiss greeting, as most Costa Ricans do, I would turn and get him right on the mouth!
After a few hours I’d had enough sun. Riding back to town, I noticed a squeak had developed in my brakes, which gave me a legitimate reason to stop at the bike shop. Ricky was not there. So much for my fantasy. I didn’t feel like going home yet, so I rode over to the coffee shop. Guess who was sitting at the restaurant right next door? I told him about the squeak and he suggested I wait and go back to the shop with him. We had a nice little conversation, went back to the shop, and he de-squeaked the bike. All the while I’m thinking that there is no way I have the nerve to act on that silly kissing fantasy. What am I - nuts? With a customary cheek kiss goodbye, I was on my way home.
Still full of energy, I decided to go out that night. One can be romantic, you know, even all alone. I put on some Salsa music and made a nice dinner for myself. I sang in the shower, polished my fingernails and toes, and put on that cute, blue dress my daughter gave me. It matches my eyes. Then I set out to look for my friend, Kate. I was feeling mischievous and she’s great co conspirator.
We talked about men, over drinks at the new beach restaurant. I offered up my fantasy, but Kate’s part was much more fun. She had the real deal. Kate always has admirers, some with whom she indulges, while the others wait in the wings. “Go for it!” she advised. Kate has been dating men a decade younger than she for quite some time.
“I can’t do that. He’s a child!” I protested. “Besides, I don’t even know if he is interested.”
“He’s a normal, healthy Latin man. You know they love older women. He’s interested.” Kate replied.
It was a festive night in my little tourist town, as it most always is. Kate and I bounced around town a bit and then - guess who we ran into? We sat down for a drink with Ricky and his friend and got to practice our Spanish. As the evening got later, the boys bowed out and went home. They had to work the next day. I ended up out 'til three a.m. It happens every time - Kate’s such a bad influence.
So that was my day of fantasy - perhaps a bit anticlimactic for you, my reader, but I had fun. You may be wondering (as was I), what does all this have to do with my intention? Ricky, although charming in his own way, is not exactly - no not at all - in the category of the three charming gentlemen I am expecting. Should I not concern myself with a bit of fun? Should I focus only on my true desires? I think not. What I learned from my lesson on the power of intention regarding money, is that, as I said before, appreciation is vital. Like attracts like and when you appreciate, celebrate and take pleasure in life, good things come to you. I spent the day in appreciation of romance, which can come in many forms, including admiring a handsome man and walking on the beach all by myself.
Another thing I learned is that it’s not for me to worry about how my intention will be fulfilled. I’m just here to enjoy the ride.
Crush. That is the expression that seems to best fit. I have been hot for this guy ever since I met him over a year ago at the bike repair shop. He was working on my bike and I was joking, in my broken Spanish, about fashion. How low can a guy’s pants go, before they are no longer pants? This guy was the test case. But it wasn’t obscene - his underwear covered the important parts. Any way, this should give you an indication of his age. (I won’t tell you. I don’t actually know. But I’m sure he is well over 21.) And he is gorgeous - tall, lean, muscular and muy guapo (very handsome). His semi-shy smile emits an engaging innocence. Even though he could be the biggest ladies man in town, he’s not. He is quite sweet and sincere. He’s looking for a girlfriend - someone steady with whom he can settle down. But before you go calling the men in the white coats to come get me, be assured, that girlfriend is not me. That’s what’s so much fun about a crush. It‘s only a fantasy. No harm in that.
So I stopped by to see this guy - I’ll call him Ricky - and ask if he was ready for me to paint the sign I offered to make for him. Really, it’s just an excuse to hang around. I thought it would be fun. We spoke briefly and I rode off to the beach.
The day had taken on a romantic tone. The sun felt warm and welcome on my skin. The water was refreshing. I sunbathed while reading The Last American Man, a fascinating book by the author of Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert. And of course, I fantasized about Ricky. I would stop and see him on my way back and he would be alone, in his shop. When we kissed the customary cheek kiss greeting, as most Costa Ricans do, I would turn and get him right on the mouth!
After a few hours I’d had enough sun. Riding back to town, I noticed a squeak had developed in my brakes, which gave me a legitimate reason to stop at the bike shop. Ricky was not there. So much for my fantasy. I didn’t feel like going home yet, so I rode over to the coffee shop. Guess who was sitting at the restaurant right next door? I told him about the squeak and he suggested I wait and go back to the shop with him. We had a nice little conversation, went back to the shop, and he de-squeaked the bike. All the while I’m thinking that there is no way I have the nerve to act on that silly kissing fantasy. What am I - nuts? With a customary cheek kiss goodbye, I was on my way home.
Still full of energy, I decided to go out that night. One can be romantic, you know, even all alone. I put on some Salsa music and made a nice dinner for myself. I sang in the shower, polished my fingernails and toes, and put on that cute, blue dress my daughter gave me. It matches my eyes. Then I set out to look for my friend, Kate. I was feeling mischievous and she’s great co conspirator.
We talked about men, over drinks at the new beach restaurant. I offered up my fantasy, but Kate’s part was much more fun. She had the real deal. Kate always has admirers, some with whom she indulges, while the others wait in the wings. “Go for it!” she advised. Kate has been dating men a decade younger than she for quite some time.
“I can’t do that. He’s a child!” I protested. “Besides, I don’t even know if he is interested.”
“He’s a normal, healthy Latin man. You know they love older women. He’s interested.” Kate replied.
It was a festive night in my little tourist town, as it most always is. Kate and I bounced around town a bit and then - guess who we ran into? We sat down for a drink with Ricky and his friend and got to practice our Spanish. As the evening got later, the boys bowed out and went home. They had to work the next day. I ended up out 'til three a.m. It happens every time - Kate’s such a bad influence.
So that was my day of fantasy - perhaps a bit anticlimactic for you, my reader, but I had fun. You may be wondering (as was I), what does all this have to do with my intention? Ricky, although charming in his own way, is not exactly - no not at all - in the category of the three charming gentlemen I am expecting. Should I not concern myself with a bit of fun? Should I focus only on my true desires? I think not. What I learned from my lesson on the power of intention regarding money, is that, as I said before, appreciation is vital. Like attracts like and when you appreciate, celebrate and take pleasure in life, good things come to you. I spent the day in appreciation of romance, which can come in many forms, including admiring a handsome man and walking on the beach all by myself.
Another thing I learned is that it’s not for me to worry about how my intention will be fulfilled. I’m just here to enjoy the ride.
Fantasy Denouement
Well, it seems, as with the previous intention, this blog is beginning to write itself. That is a good sign. Progress is being made.
After my close friend (and spy), Gina, read my fantasy blog, she wrote me that she had recently seen my fantasy man with several girls, in intimate conversations. So much for the sincere innocent who told me he has no girlfriend. I realized that had my fantasy turned real, I would have been hurt to feel that I was just one of the many - even though I have no serious interest in this guy. The thing about a fantasy is that even though it is a fantasy, in the back of your mind you have to think it could happen. Otherwise it is not a real fantasy - just wishful (wistful) thinking. Gina brought me back down to earth.
This morning I sat here thinking how I would have felt if my fantasy had turned sour. Then I stopped myself. “Wait a minute,” I thought, “If I can sit here and reminisce about a bad situation that never happened, I can reminisce about a good one, as well.” And if either one had happened, I would still be right where I am now, sitting in my room thinking about a past situation. It is all the same, just the memory of a situation in my mind. So why not have a pleasant one? Why not create the situation I would love to remember? Why not? Here it is:
My night with Kate and “the boys” was lots of fun but the next day I was very tired. I only got four hours sleep that night. I didn’t get drunk, didn’t get in trouble - it hardly seems worth it. (This part is true.)
That evening there was a knock on my door. It was Ricky, with a fragrant ginger flower for me. (This is the fantasy part - the preferred memory.) He was here to listen to the music I had told him about. He’d never heard of The Blues and the only way to explain it is to play the music. We spent the next few hours listening to and talking about the history of black music in the United States. He went out and bought us a bottle of wine, while I made dinner and we laughed and talked throughout the evening. I found that his English was much better than I thought. Many Latinos can speak some English but are shy about trying. I also found that my Spanish had improved much more than I realized. As we talked about our families and our dreams for life I could see that there was more to this guy than a pretty face. He was interesting and intelligent.
The evening grew later and we were having so much fun that I began to wonder if Ricky was going to kiss me. He started for the door, saying he had to get some sleep to be ready for work the next day. When I stood up to say goodbye he impulsively grabbed me and gave me a passionate kiss that just about knocked me off my feet! I took a moment to recover and then wholeheartedly returned the favor. This rampant enthusiasm went on for never long enough. I navigated our embraces in the direction of the door and said good bye with a mischievous smile as I nudged him out. I remain enchanted by his playful protests of “Mi Reina, Mi Amor, Cariño, ¡Quiéreme o me muero!, me haces feliz, estoy loco por ti, bésame, abrázame.........”
After my close friend (and spy), Gina, read my fantasy blog, she wrote me that she had recently seen my fantasy man with several girls, in intimate conversations. So much for the sincere innocent who told me he has no girlfriend. I realized that had my fantasy turned real, I would have been hurt to feel that I was just one of the many - even though I have no serious interest in this guy. The thing about a fantasy is that even though it is a fantasy, in the back of your mind you have to think it could happen. Otherwise it is not a real fantasy - just wishful (wistful) thinking. Gina brought me back down to earth.
This morning I sat here thinking how I would have felt if my fantasy had turned sour. Then I stopped myself. “Wait a minute,” I thought, “If I can sit here and reminisce about a bad situation that never happened, I can reminisce about a good one, as well.” And if either one had happened, I would still be right where I am now, sitting in my room thinking about a past situation. It is all the same, just the memory of a situation in my mind. So why not have a pleasant one? Why not create the situation I would love to remember? Why not? Here it is:
My night with Kate and “the boys” was lots of fun but the next day I was very tired. I only got four hours sleep that night. I didn’t get drunk, didn’t get in trouble - it hardly seems worth it. (This part is true.)
That evening there was a knock on my door. It was Ricky, with a fragrant ginger flower for me. (This is the fantasy part - the preferred memory.) He was here to listen to the music I had told him about. He’d never heard of The Blues and the only way to explain it is to play the music. We spent the next few hours listening to and talking about the history of black music in the United States. He went out and bought us a bottle of wine, while I made dinner and we laughed and talked throughout the evening. I found that his English was much better than I thought. Many Latinos can speak some English but are shy about trying. I also found that my Spanish had improved much more than I realized. As we talked about our families and our dreams for life I could see that there was more to this guy than a pretty face. He was interesting and intelligent.
The evening grew later and we were having so much fun that I began to wonder if Ricky was going to kiss me. He started for the door, saying he had to get some sleep to be ready for work the next day. When I stood up to say goodbye he impulsively grabbed me and gave me a passionate kiss that just about knocked me off my feet! I took a moment to recover and then wholeheartedly returned the favor. This rampant enthusiasm went on for never long enough. I navigated our embraces in the direction of the door and said good bye with a mischievous smile as I nudged him out. I remain enchanted by his playful protests of “Mi Reina, Mi Amor, Cariño, ¡Quiéreme o me muero!, me haces feliz, estoy loco por ti, bésame, abrázame.........”
I’m gonna get me a man!
When I first came to Costa Rica I brought with me, the secret desire and belief that here I would meet the man of my dreams. Secret because I believed that I really shouldn’t have that desire. Secret because if anyone found out, they would ridicule my foolishness and dash away my hopes. I had the idea that a strong, confident woman did not need a man and that there was something wrong with me for wanting one. Mixed in with the secret desire for a man was my fear that I would not be able to make it here in Costa Rica, on my own. My plans for supporting myself were sketchy but when my knight in shining armor appeared, I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. So you see, I was living within two conflicting beliefs.
These beliefs originated through my childhood experience and consequential summations on what life is like. Just like most everyone else, I had imperfect parents who, in spite of their efforts, made some mistakes that hurt me and skewed my view of the world. As we go through life, we ascribe to our deepest inner beliefs, often without even knowing it, and hold on to them as a way to navigate through confusing and sometimes scary times. Our subconscious tells us, “This is the way it is and this is what you’ve got to do about it.” It is as simple as that.
Of course, the older we get, the more deeply ingrained are our beliefs and the more complicated it becomes. We may build huge, towering structures on top of false foundations. Then it is life’s job to tear that structure down. We patch and reinforce. Then life comes in and topples it again. Don’t tell me this hasn’t happened to you. It happens to us all and if we are fortunate enough to learn from life, we begin to replace the beliefs that do not serve us with ones that do. Life’s perfect timing is our saving grace.
Apparently, I came here with a few more things to learn. First of all, I learned that I can make it here - or anywhere - on my own. Duh! I’d raised two kids, alone, and created a full, rich, life out of nothing, in the “frontiers” of Montana. Why did I doubt I could do it anywhere else? And of course, it is OK to want and need the love and companionship of a man. It is more than OK. It is absolutely normal. That’s why so many people here in Costa Rican culture react with surprise, when I answer their question, “Are you married?” I just read, in Elizabeth Gilbert’s, The Last American Man, that our North American culture is the "only major culture in the known world that never held romantic love to be a sacred precept.” Maybe that’s where I got the idea that it was a weakness to want or need a man. And maybe that is why I’ve felt so drawn to the Latin culture with it’s romantic love songs and dramatic telenovelas.
So now what remains is to enjoy the anticipation of what will happen next! I’ve created a sweet and perfect niche for myself in this vida nueva (new life), without ingratiating myself to any knight in shining armor. And I feel no guilt, qualms or reticence about telling the world that now, I am gonna get me a man!
These beliefs originated through my childhood experience and consequential summations on what life is like. Just like most everyone else, I had imperfect parents who, in spite of their efforts, made some mistakes that hurt me and skewed my view of the world. As we go through life, we ascribe to our deepest inner beliefs, often without even knowing it, and hold on to them as a way to navigate through confusing and sometimes scary times. Our subconscious tells us, “This is the way it is and this is what you’ve got to do about it.” It is as simple as that.
Of course, the older we get, the more deeply ingrained are our beliefs and the more complicated it becomes. We may build huge, towering structures on top of false foundations. Then it is life’s job to tear that structure down. We patch and reinforce. Then life comes in and topples it again. Don’t tell me this hasn’t happened to you. It happens to us all and if we are fortunate enough to learn from life, we begin to replace the beliefs that do not serve us with ones that do. Life’s perfect timing is our saving grace.
Apparently, I came here with a few more things to learn. First of all, I learned that I can make it here - or anywhere - on my own. Duh! I’d raised two kids, alone, and created a full, rich, life out of nothing, in the “frontiers” of Montana. Why did I doubt I could do it anywhere else? And of course, it is OK to want and need the love and companionship of a man. It is more than OK. It is absolutely normal. That’s why so many people here in Costa Rican culture react with surprise, when I answer their question, “Are you married?” I just read, in Elizabeth Gilbert’s, The Last American Man, that our North American culture is the "only major culture in the known world that never held romantic love to be a sacred precept.” Maybe that’s where I got the idea that it was a weakness to want or need a man. And maybe that is why I’ve felt so drawn to the Latin culture with it’s romantic love songs and dramatic telenovelas.
So now what remains is to enjoy the anticipation of what will happen next! I’ve created a sweet and perfect niche for myself in this vida nueva (new life), without ingratiating myself to any knight in shining armor. And I feel no guilt, qualms or reticence about telling the world that now, I am gonna get me a man!
The Lighthearted Pleasure of Romance - That’s What We’re Here for!
This posting was written in response to comments made by one of my readers, “Ohbegrateful.” You can read his comments in the comment section of the previous blog, called “I’m gonna get me a man.”
Thank you for your pensive comments on my blog, Ohbegrateful. The time you took to give thought and to write shows your passionate concern for humanity and correct behavior toward others. I respect your attitude of surrender. Learning to allow what comes your way and trusting that all is for the best is a beneficial lesson in life. And your question: “If the Law of Attraction truly works, why not simply surrender to its power?” is a valid one. I will address it as best I can. But first I would like to respond to your “knee jerk reaction....” that my intention objectifies men.
First of all, let’s clarify that this intention belongs soley to me. No one else’s projections onto it’s meaning are allowed. If you are saying that objectifying men is intrinsic in this intention, I adamantly disagree. There is nothing in “dating three charming gentlemen” that, in my mind, even remotely indicates that I will be viewing these men as objects to be used for my purposes.
My knee-jerk reaction to your knee-jerk reaction is. “Ohbegrateful, pleeeeease - lighten up!” I want to date three charming gentlemen. In my dictionary, dating is defined as “to go out with, go around with, take out, be involved with ,see, woo, court.” The reasons one might have for doing this vary, according to the individual. My own reasons are to get to know and experience other people (specifically, of the male gender), share who I am and enjoy life together. I do not know how you got, from my writing, that I am objectifying anybody or seeing them as “mere objects to you that you wish to attract to yourself for your delight, your pleasure...” Oh, I am all for delight and pleasure. I think we can’t get enough of that in life. But honestly, Ohbegrateful - objectify, use people - I don’t do that. I’m sorry if anything I wrote in this blog implied differently.
Those who have read my travel journals and book, “If She Can do It, So Can I,” may recall my intentions on how I wish to live my vida nueva in Costa Rica: Of utmost importance is taking the time to listen to people, hear their stories and their dreams and to see who they really are. I have also written about the human propensity to judge others and my grappling with and desire to overcome it in myself. The true appreciation of another human being and the sincere attempt not to judge them is exactly the opposite of objectification. These ideas are so strongly embedded in my consciousness that I cannot help but to continually question and monitor my thoughts and behavior. Again, if my writing has implied differently, I apologize.
Now for your question, “If one were to say that it is the Law of Attraction (like attracts like) that brings two people together, then what is the need for the power of intention?”
This takes me back to the reason I originally started this blog. I wanted to live prosperously, in Costa Rica but I did not know how to do it. My attempts had been thwarted by lack of money. When my fear of failure began to manifest itself, I knew I had to put a stop to it and use my God given, creative power to put my life on course. One may argue that God/Great Spirit (or whatever name you care to use), knows what is best for us and all we need to do is let it happen. I believe that God has given every human being the power and ability to choose the course of their life. If I had done nothing, I would probably be shivering, back in Montana right now, living with my lamenting mother, whose house had not yet been sold. Instead I took action on my behalf, helped my mom do some positive thinking on her behalf and both of us are happier for it. Coming up with a specific intention, declaring it to the world and then writing about it taught me life changing lessons. It opened up a myriad of possibilities. Perhaps I could use the same method to learn about romantic relationships. Perhaps, as with financial issues, there were obstacles of my own creation, keeping me from the relationship of my dreams.
But why three men? Is that the relationship of my dreams? Of course not. But in order to manifest ones intention, one must believe it is possible. For me, the idea of finding the one “perfect” man is daunting. Three men who are not necessarily my perfect match but are pleasant company, each in their own way, feels like a possibility. I’m taking baby steps. And it feels “safer” too. In the past, I have never dated more than one man at a time. I always seem to end up falling head over heels and losing my perspective. Having various kinds of companionship may help me keep some healthy distance and teach me something new.
Ohbegrateful, I have been and will continue to do as you suggest, “cultivate within yourself all the qualities you most deeply cherish in a relationship such as love, intimacy, trust, respect, joy.” And I will continue to learn, play with the power of intention and HAVE FUN! My suggestion to you, as I said before, is to lighten up! Let us never forget the benefit and value of simply having fun. The blog about my day of fantasy and it’s fictional conclusion was fun! It was a celebration of the glamour and excitement, the appeal, allure and charm and the lighthearted pleasure that can be found in romance. I will even venture to say, that that’s what we’re all here for!
Thank you for your pensive comments on my blog, Ohbegrateful. The time you took to give thought and to write shows your passionate concern for humanity and correct behavior toward others. I respect your attitude of surrender. Learning to allow what comes your way and trusting that all is for the best is a beneficial lesson in life. And your question: “If the Law of Attraction truly works, why not simply surrender to its power?” is a valid one. I will address it as best I can. But first I would like to respond to your “knee jerk reaction....” that my intention objectifies men.
First of all, let’s clarify that this intention belongs soley to me. No one else’s projections onto it’s meaning are allowed. If you are saying that objectifying men is intrinsic in this intention, I adamantly disagree. There is nothing in “dating three charming gentlemen” that, in my mind, even remotely indicates that I will be viewing these men as objects to be used for my purposes.
My knee-jerk reaction to your knee-jerk reaction is. “Ohbegrateful, pleeeeease - lighten up!” I want to date three charming gentlemen. In my dictionary, dating is defined as “to go out with, go around with, take out, be involved with ,see, woo, court.” The reasons one might have for doing this vary, according to the individual. My own reasons are to get to know and experience other people (specifically, of the male gender), share who I am and enjoy life together. I do not know how you got, from my writing, that I am objectifying anybody or seeing them as “mere objects to you that you wish to attract to yourself for your delight, your pleasure...” Oh, I am all for delight and pleasure. I think we can’t get enough of that in life. But honestly, Ohbegrateful - objectify, use people - I don’t do that. I’m sorry if anything I wrote in this blog implied differently.
Those who have read my travel journals and book, “If She Can do It, So Can I,” may recall my intentions on how I wish to live my vida nueva in Costa Rica: Of utmost importance is taking the time to listen to people, hear their stories and their dreams and to see who they really are. I have also written about the human propensity to judge others and my grappling with and desire to overcome it in myself. The true appreciation of another human being and the sincere attempt not to judge them is exactly the opposite of objectification. These ideas are so strongly embedded in my consciousness that I cannot help but to continually question and monitor my thoughts and behavior. Again, if my writing has implied differently, I apologize.
Now for your question, “If one were to say that it is the Law of Attraction (like attracts like) that brings two people together, then what is the need for the power of intention?”
This takes me back to the reason I originally started this blog. I wanted to live prosperously, in Costa Rica but I did not know how to do it. My attempts had been thwarted by lack of money. When my fear of failure began to manifest itself, I knew I had to put a stop to it and use my God given, creative power to put my life on course. One may argue that God/Great Spirit (or whatever name you care to use), knows what is best for us and all we need to do is let it happen. I believe that God has given every human being the power and ability to choose the course of their life. If I had done nothing, I would probably be shivering, back in Montana right now, living with my lamenting mother, whose house had not yet been sold. Instead I took action on my behalf, helped my mom do some positive thinking on her behalf and both of us are happier for it. Coming up with a specific intention, declaring it to the world and then writing about it taught me life changing lessons. It opened up a myriad of possibilities. Perhaps I could use the same method to learn about romantic relationships. Perhaps, as with financial issues, there were obstacles of my own creation, keeping me from the relationship of my dreams.
But why three men? Is that the relationship of my dreams? Of course not. But in order to manifest ones intention, one must believe it is possible. For me, the idea of finding the one “perfect” man is daunting. Three men who are not necessarily my perfect match but are pleasant company, each in their own way, feels like a possibility. I’m taking baby steps. And it feels “safer” too. In the past, I have never dated more than one man at a time. I always seem to end up falling head over heels and losing my perspective. Having various kinds of companionship may help me keep some healthy distance and teach me something new.
Ohbegrateful, I have been and will continue to do as you suggest, “cultivate within yourself all the qualities you most deeply cherish in a relationship such as love, intimacy, trust, respect, joy.” And I will continue to learn, play with the power of intention and HAVE FUN! My suggestion to you, as I said before, is to lighten up! Let us never forget the benefit and value of simply having fun. The blog about my day of fantasy and it’s fictional conclusion was fun! It was a celebration of the glamour and excitement, the appeal, allure and charm and the lighthearted pleasure that can be found in romance. I will even venture to say, that that’s what we’re all here for!
My Last “Real” Relationship and the Wall of Self Protection
In my Power of Intention blog about money, I was able to write every day. There was always something that occurred around money for me to think about and write about. The blog about romance has been more difficult. It is much easier to proceed with confidence on something with which you have already had success. That was the case with my intention on money. It is not the case with my intention on relationship.
My last “real” relationship, about three years ago, was a disaster. Over the years, after having each different relationship be a bit better than the last (the ones in my younger years - the most dysfunctional), the most recent one was, without question, the worst. That’s because my boyfriend was nuts - in a weird, bad way. Vic was born in Puerto Rico and raised in the poor part of Chicago, in a family of twelve kids. As a child, he had been abused. Of course it affected his psyche. As you might expect, at first he was wonderful to me. But as I got to know him better, strange things began to come up. If I waited in the car, at Wal Mart, he insisted I roll up the windows and lock the door - for my own security. (Now this was during ninety degree weather, in my safe little town, in Montana - ridiculous!) If I disagreed with him on something, he would literally, keep me up all night, dredging through the same conversation over and over again. I wasn’t getting enough sleep, nor feeling well enough to exercise. It was like being brainwashed and conditioned in a cult! My friends were beginning to worry about me.
Well, don’t you worry. I am not an abused woman. All this took place within two months and the only reason it took that long was that he begged me to “help” him. I got him out of my life, pronto. But my mental dilemma remained. What attracted me to Victor in the first place? Hadn’t I learned anything from all those years of relationship experience and introspection, studying psychology, spirituality? I thought I’d made some progress in my choices of men. Looking back, I noticed that four or five of my boyfriends had been childhood victims of abuse. What’s up with that? I still don’t know. But I know I’m not alone. My good friend, Gina, has had some loonies. If I tell her I am interested in someone, the first thing she asks is, “Does he have a job and is he mentally stable?” Pretty basic criteria, huh? Well, it seems some people don’t even ask for that.
After that experience, my self protective mechanisms must have taken over because I have not had a boyfriend since. For the last three years (two of which, I have been in Costa Rica), I’ve been practically celibate - practically, not totally. I had one or two flings with men much younger than me - never with serious intent. (For a Gringa in Latin America, opportunities abound. Every woman should try it once.) It has its limitations but it‘s fun. Mostly, I just wanted to be sure I remembered how to do it. (I know, it’s like riding a bike....) Lately I’ve been wondering if the chance for genuine physical intimacy may be passing me by. Some friends my age have lost interest. One of them is relieved. She says her compulsion for sex is what always got her into so much trouble. Me, I have no compulsion, but I do feel that without romance, something is missing in my life.
Is there really something missing? And is my own wall of self protection responsible for that? I trust that as I keep writing, more will be revealed.
My last “real” relationship, about three years ago, was a disaster. Over the years, after having each different relationship be a bit better than the last (the ones in my younger years - the most dysfunctional), the most recent one was, without question, the worst. That’s because my boyfriend was nuts - in a weird, bad way. Vic was born in Puerto Rico and raised in the poor part of Chicago, in a family of twelve kids. As a child, he had been abused. Of course it affected his psyche. As you might expect, at first he was wonderful to me. But as I got to know him better, strange things began to come up. If I waited in the car, at Wal Mart, he insisted I roll up the windows and lock the door - for my own security. (Now this was during ninety degree weather, in my safe little town, in Montana - ridiculous!) If I disagreed with him on something, he would literally, keep me up all night, dredging through the same conversation over and over again. I wasn’t getting enough sleep, nor feeling well enough to exercise. It was like being brainwashed and conditioned in a cult! My friends were beginning to worry about me.
Well, don’t you worry. I am not an abused woman. All this took place within two months and the only reason it took that long was that he begged me to “help” him. I got him out of my life, pronto. But my mental dilemma remained. What attracted me to Victor in the first place? Hadn’t I learned anything from all those years of relationship experience and introspection, studying psychology, spirituality? I thought I’d made some progress in my choices of men. Looking back, I noticed that four or five of my boyfriends had been childhood victims of abuse. What’s up with that? I still don’t know. But I know I’m not alone. My good friend, Gina, has had some loonies. If I tell her I am interested in someone, the first thing she asks is, “Does he have a job and is he mentally stable?” Pretty basic criteria, huh? Well, it seems some people don’t even ask for that.
After that experience, my self protective mechanisms must have taken over because I have not had a boyfriend since. For the last three years (two of which, I have been in Costa Rica), I’ve been practically celibate - practically, not totally. I had one or two flings with men much younger than me - never with serious intent. (For a Gringa in Latin America, opportunities abound. Every woman should try it once.) It has its limitations but it‘s fun. Mostly, I just wanted to be sure I remembered how to do it. (I know, it’s like riding a bike....) Lately I’ve been wondering if the chance for genuine physical intimacy may be passing me by. Some friends my age have lost interest. One of them is relieved. She says her compulsion for sex is what always got her into so much trouble. Me, I have no compulsion, but I do feel that without romance, something is missing in my life.
Is there really something missing? And is my own wall of self protection responsible for that? I trust that as I keep writing, more will be revealed.
I Renege, Revoke, Renounce and Abandon....
Well, there is more to this power of intention than just saying “I want it and it will be so.” I learned of the creative power of the mind, twenty years ago and have used it successfully many times, yet it still mystifies me. Apparently the power of intention is also the power of attention, because where we put our attention is where the power goes. So if we put our attention on what we don’t have, while we ask for it and intend for it to materialize, we are actually undermining our goal.
So we have to want it - but not that bad.
Or maybe we are supposed to want it but just not think about it.
Or not think about not having it.
Yeah - that’s the ticket. We can’t think about not having it. We must think about having it. So it’s OK to want it and even better to imagine what it would be like to have it. In fact, if we can convince ourselves that we really do have it (on some level) and imagine how good it feels, then we are on our way. At least that is what the experts say.
Well, it all sounds a bit contrived to me. I’ll have to go back and see what worked in the past. I can easily tell you what didn’t work.
I have literally, been longing for my soul mate since I was four years old. Yes, I knew what a soul mate was, although I’m sure I didn’t use that word, nor did I realize what I was longing for. Looking back, I have no doubt. I’ve always been fascinated with men. At age four, I walked around our apartment building holding hands with my “boyfriend” Paul. He protected me from the local, big, bully. At age six, in the kiddie pool, I kissed a boy underwater (my idea). And it goes on and on..... They have come in and out of my life. When I was younger, there was one around every corner. As I got older they began to disappear. At some point I decided to take action and find “the one.”
I tried internet dating. It’s not for me. I’m much too physical. The profile looks good, nice photo, too. We would write and have some good talks on the phone. But each and every time, upon meeting in person, the chemistry just wasn’t there.
I tried psychics and love spells. Once I called a gypsy (yes, a real gypsy) into my life by reciting a poem I’d written. He turned out to be way more than I’d bargained for and I was out of there, fast.
Friends said, “Make a list. Write down exactly what you want in a man. Thats how I got mine and he is just wonderful.” I tried that and combined it with Feng Shui, putting my list under a candle in the south west corner of my home. I lit the candle every evening and said another little, original poem. It worked - in a way. That one brought Victor, my last "real” relationship, which I told you about in a previous blog. Needless to say, I have not used that method again.
I’ve been picked up and matched up. I’ve gone on blind dates but no, I’ve never dated the blind. There’s an idea..... I’ve hoped and prayed - even fasted. I’ve been advised by friends and strangers. I’ve listened to Tony Robbins and tried to be the person I was looking for. I read John Gray and I now know that men are from mars. Perhaps I should consider space travel. No, inner space is more my style.
I’ve tried to keep an open mind. I’ve dated business men and mountain men, cowboys and good ol’ boys, airy new agers and older guys, too. For two years, I lived with a guy twelve years younger than me. Age wasn’t the problem - some people never mature. (I won’t say which one of us.)
I have tried just about everything. The only thing I haven’t tried is swearing off men altogether, but maybe I should. My friend Lori did that and then the man of her dreams literally knocked on her front door. That brings me to the concept I’ve heard many people tout. “It happened when I wasn’t looking.” Yes,” they say, “I’d just given up. Figured I’d never find love again. Then he - or she - showed up.” And they lived happily ever after.
I don’t want to sound jaded but I find it difficult to purposely not want what I do want. And I am just too inherently optimistic to give up on the whole thing. Today I came up from behind, on my bike, to a cute young couple walking down the street holding hands. She was wearing a snazzy little hat and her butt wiggled as she walked. He was absolutely focused on her with a great big grin on his face, like he must have been thinking about how glad he was to have her next to him. I just love love. I should have been a cupid or something. I can just imagine flittering around with my bow and arrow, picking out the potential pairs. Then I would ZAP and watch them fall. It would be a blast! I bet if I had that job I’d be so busy having fun I wouldn’t miss having a love of my own. Maybe in my next life.....
In this life, I have had great success using the power of intention in just about every area other than romance. And believe me, I have wracked my brian - and then handed it over to psychologists to wrack - in order to find out why. I know the reasons I’ve made some poor choices in men. I know I am wearing a protective wall. I reject others before they can reject me. And I know that there is a hell of a lot I don’t know about all this. Honestly, at this point, I think I've just run out of steam.
No, I haven’t given up and I am not swearing off men. I’m just tired of the idea of looking for one - or two, or three by Christmas. So there you have it. I renege, revoke, renounce and abandon my intention of dating three charming gentlemen by Christmas. But I’ll continue this blog, just to let you know if that works!
So we have to want it - but not that bad.
Or maybe we are supposed to want it but just not think about it.
Or not think about not having it.
Yeah - that’s the ticket. We can’t think about not having it. We must think about having it. So it’s OK to want it and even better to imagine what it would be like to have it. In fact, if we can convince ourselves that we really do have it (on some level) and imagine how good it feels, then we are on our way. At least that is what the experts say.
Well, it all sounds a bit contrived to me. I’ll have to go back and see what worked in the past. I can easily tell you what didn’t work.
I have literally, been longing for my soul mate since I was four years old. Yes, I knew what a soul mate was, although I’m sure I didn’t use that word, nor did I realize what I was longing for. Looking back, I have no doubt. I’ve always been fascinated with men. At age four, I walked around our apartment building holding hands with my “boyfriend” Paul. He protected me from the local, big, bully. At age six, in the kiddie pool, I kissed a boy underwater (my idea). And it goes on and on..... They have come in and out of my life. When I was younger, there was one around every corner. As I got older they began to disappear. At some point I decided to take action and find “the one.”
I tried internet dating. It’s not for me. I’m much too physical. The profile looks good, nice photo, too. We would write and have some good talks on the phone. But each and every time, upon meeting in person, the chemistry just wasn’t there.
I tried psychics and love spells. Once I called a gypsy (yes, a real gypsy) into my life by reciting a poem I’d written. He turned out to be way more than I’d bargained for and I was out of there, fast.
Friends said, “Make a list. Write down exactly what you want in a man. Thats how I got mine and he is just wonderful.” I tried that and combined it with Feng Shui, putting my list under a candle in the south west corner of my home. I lit the candle every evening and said another little, original poem. It worked - in a way. That one brought Victor, my last "real” relationship, which I told you about in a previous blog. Needless to say, I have not used that method again.
I’ve been picked up and matched up. I’ve gone on blind dates but no, I’ve never dated the blind. There’s an idea..... I’ve hoped and prayed - even fasted. I’ve been advised by friends and strangers. I’ve listened to Tony Robbins and tried to be the person I was looking for. I read John Gray and I now know that men are from mars. Perhaps I should consider space travel. No, inner space is more my style.
I’ve tried to keep an open mind. I’ve dated business men and mountain men, cowboys and good ol’ boys, airy new agers and older guys, too. For two years, I lived with a guy twelve years younger than me. Age wasn’t the problem - some people never mature. (I won’t say which one of us.)
I have tried just about everything. The only thing I haven’t tried is swearing off men altogether, but maybe I should. My friend Lori did that and then the man of her dreams literally knocked on her front door. That brings me to the concept I’ve heard many people tout. “It happened when I wasn’t looking.” Yes,” they say, “I’d just given up. Figured I’d never find love again. Then he - or she - showed up.” And they lived happily ever after.
I don’t want to sound jaded but I find it difficult to purposely not want what I do want. And I am just too inherently optimistic to give up on the whole thing. Today I came up from behind, on my bike, to a cute young couple walking down the street holding hands. She was wearing a snazzy little hat and her butt wiggled as she walked. He was absolutely focused on her with a great big grin on his face, like he must have been thinking about how glad he was to have her next to him. I just love love. I should have been a cupid or something. I can just imagine flittering around with my bow and arrow, picking out the potential pairs. Then I would ZAP and watch them fall. It would be a blast! I bet if I had that job I’d be so busy having fun I wouldn’t miss having a love of my own. Maybe in my next life.....
In this life, I have had great success using the power of intention in just about every area other than romance. And believe me, I have wracked my brian - and then handed it over to psychologists to wrack - in order to find out why. I know the reasons I’ve made some poor choices in men. I know I am wearing a protective wall. I reject others before they can reject me. And I know that there is a hell of a lot I don’t know about all this. Honestly, at this point, I think I've just run out of steam.
No, I haven’t given up and I am not swearing off men. I’m just tired of the idea of looking for one - or two, or three by Christmas. So there you have it. I renege, revoke, renounce and abandon my intention of dating three charming gentlemen by Christmas. But I’ll continue this blog, just to let you know if that works!
Mazlov’s Hierarchy of Needs
My days have been busy and my nights have frequently been social. I am deeply satisfied and content with the way my life here in Costa Rica is set up these days. But this evening I came home feeling lonely. Maybe it is a case involving Mazlov’s hierarchy of needs.
According to Mazlov, our basic needs take priority over our secondary needs, but when the basic needs are met, we humans naturally look for fulfillment of our higher level needs. The basic needs are for food and shelter. I’ve got that covered. Next comes security and I am feeling quite secure. Third is love and belonging. I must say that I experience this on some level, every day, through friends and family. However, as you know, I desire more. Mazlov says that success and status comes next. Got it. After that we can find God, which Mazlov refers to as “self actualization” and involves reaching a state of harmony and understanding. I work on this every day.
Although I have run the gamut, it appears that one can experience the highest level and then go back down and up and then down again, according to what life brings their way. I have been to the top and then back down to the basic needs level, but with the help of the insight I gained earlier, the basic needs were easier to attain. For a while I had been so concerned with how I would manage my life in Costa Rica that romance and close companionship was that last thing on my mind. Now I am absolutely free from those concerns, which leaves space for new ones. Especially when I come home, after a busy day, alone. This evening I am feeling lonely.
Well, this is nothing new to me or anybody else. Everybody feels that way sometimes and you just have to let it pass. I’m thinking about distracting myself with a movie later this evening.
Still, I can’t seem to ignore a related and nagging question about the Law of Attraction and the use of intention to get what you want. If like attracts like, and I believe it does, then when you put your attention on what you do not have by asking for or intending to draw it into your life, you accomplish the opposite of what you want. So if I say I am lonely then I will bring more loneliness upon myself. Well, I am not going to lie to myself, bury my feelings or pretend otherwise. Maybe there is a difference between simply admitting it and dwelling on it. I did go to that movie. (It is now the next morning.) And it was a distraction. Today I am ready for another busy day and feeling just fine. But I know there is much more to explore regarding attraction and intention. Stay tuned.
According to Mazlov, our basic needs take priority over our secondary needs, but when the basic needs are met, we humans naturally look for fulfillment of our higher level needs. The basic needs are for food and shelter. I’ve got that covered. Next comes security and I am feeling quite secure. Third is love and belonging. I must say that I experience this on some level, every day, through friends and family. However, as you know, I desire more. Mazlov says that success and status comes next. Got it. After that we can find God, which Mazlov refers to as “self actualization” and involves reaching a state of harmony and understanding. I work on this every day.
Although I have run the gamut, it appears that one can experience the highest level and then go back down and up and then down again, according to what life brings their way. I have been to the top and then back down to the basic needs level, but with the help of the insight I gained earlier, the basic needs were easier to attain. For a while I had been so concerned with how I would manage my life in Costa Rica that romance and close companionship was that last thing on my mind. Now I am absolutely free from those concerns, which leaves space for new ones. Especially when I come home, after a busy day, alone. This evening I am feeling lonely.
Well, this is nothing new to me or anybody else. Everybody feels that way sometimes and you just have to let it pass. I’m thinking about distracting myself with a movie later this evening.
Still, I can’t seem to ignore a related and nagging question about the Law of Attraction and the use of intention to get what you want. If like attracts like, and I believe it does, then when you put your attention on what you do not have by asking for or intending to draw it into your life, you accomplish the opposite of what you want. So if I say I am lonely then I will bring more loneliness upon myself. Well, I am not going to lie to myself, bury my feelings or pretend otherwise. Maybe there is a difference between simply admitting it and dwelling on it. I did go to that movie. (It is now the next morning.) And it was a distraction. Today I am ready for another busy day and feeling just fine. But I know there is much more to explore regarding attraction and intention. Stay tuned.
What is love?
What is romantic love? I was avoiding this subject because I don’t think there is an answer to that question. Yet I knew it was bound to come up. I’ve been home, sick (again) for the past few days, watching more movies. Is it a coincidence that the theme of most every one was based on love?
The most interesting one was called Before Sunrise. Two twenty something, people meet on a train and decide to spend their only night together, wandering around Vienna. The film remarkably illustrates the way young love begins. First the meeting and the unspoken attraction, then the talking and talking for hours on end. Of course there is the mixing in of a kiss and a longing look, here and there. And finally the full on admission of their mutual fervor and avidity. The denouement is, “Now what do we do?”
What fascinated me was watching, as the couple strolled through the streets with a lively city as their background, talking. They talked of all the usual stuff - their childhood and family, their hopes and dreams, their opinions (that others ever really understood) and their views of life and how to live it. As the evening progressed, they began to feel safe enough to share their inner world. They felt a special connection. They felt understood. There were poignant times when each listened to the other and seemed to lovingly absorb a new perspective on reality. However, most of the time, it was just two people - two egos - happy to have a captive audience. They had no profound spiritual connection. They didn’t even have that many common thoughts or ideas. But each seemed to have a genuine interest in listening to the other. Why? What brought these two together? Was it physical attraction, hormones, chemistry? I suspect that played a big part in the desire to get to know each other. But then why didn’t they just jump into bed without all that talking? It’s because they wanted more. Underneath all that talking was a longing, a deep yearning to be seen and understood.
Is that what love is - for an individual to be seen apart from all the billions of people in this world, as the unique and special person they are? And then, even more, to feel that someone “gets” them, someone can actually understand the things they think and feel, someone even actually feels the same things, too. Is that not what we all hope for?
I think that is what parents are supposed to give their kids. That is why many people are longing for something elusive. They never got the affirmation of being human from the ones that brought them into this world, when they most needed it, as children. Is that the reason why so many people are looking for but unable to find love in their adult lives?
And many, many are looking, to no avail. It is all over the place in a million love songs, movies, stories and newspaper headlines. There’s Eleanor Rigby - she “picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been.” And Dolores Claiborne (just saw that movie) who lied to herself for years for “love.” Recently a celebrity made headlines for telling the world on Larry King Live that she was - guess what? - lonely and misunderstood. So when the girl and the guy in Before Sunrise get a whiff of the idea that this other person "really sees who I am and understands me", and their soul gives a sigh of relief - is that love? Or is it just the ego’s perceived affirmation?
Maybe that is young love. Maybe love is something more when you get older. There is much talk about the difference between infatuation and the deeper, intimate love that grows from a long marriage. I know nothing of that experience but I am sure it must be true. I am curious about what falling in love, in the mature years of life, is like. When I was a teenager my Great Aunt Thora got married for the first time. She was ancient - or it seemed that way to me, any way. A few of the adults (and me, too) were excited for her and hoped for a happy future for the newlyweds. Most thought it was a bad idea. “They are both so set in their ways,” everyone said. And everyone was right (to my disappointment). The marriage lasted only a few months. Arlene (my friend’s mom) and her husband Richard had been high school sweethearts, who were kept apart. They both married another and then years later in their fifties, after spousal death or divorce, met again at a high school reunion. They spent a happy, twenty years together. The same thing happened to my uncle Darrell, who was married five times before he finally found his way back to his first love. The two octogenarian, love birds flew off into the sunset, aboard a Harley Davidson.
Is it destiny, which prevails over the limitations of age, that brings people together? Most like to think so. I was talked into that one once, until he found the one he was really destined to be with. Their “destiny” lasted only three years and then hers took another direction. But it is such a romantic idea! My all time, favorite movie was filmed in the breathtakingly romantic setting of my old stomping ground, Glacier National Park, Montana. What Dreams May Come,
starring Robin Williams and Annabella Sciorra, is all about two souls who find each other, lose each other and find each other again in the next life. These two souls, who are destined to be together, go through hell and back, to get there. Everything about this movie exudes romantic love, reflected in all our ideals. I love this movie. I could watch it over and over again.
So what is love? Is it a combination of chemistry and the feeling that you are understood? Is it more than that, in a deep and profound, mature way? Is it just a replacement for loneliness? Or is it destined to happen to preordained individuals? Maybe it is all these things and more. Maybe it is different for everyone. Maybe the only thing that really matters is - What is it for you? Or in my case, me? Only one way to find out........
The most interesting one was called Before Sunrise. Two twenty something, people meet on a train and decide to spend their only night together, wandering around Vienna. The film remarkably illustrates the way young love begins. First the meeting and the unspoken attraction, then the talking and talking for hours on end. Of course there is the mixing in of a kiss and a longing look, here and there. And finally the full on admission of their mutual fervor and avidity. The denouement is, “Now what do we do?”
What fascinated me was watching, as the couple strolled through the streets with a lively city as their background, talking. They talked of all the usual stuff - their childhood and family, their hopes and dreams, their opinions (that others ever really understood) and their views of life and how to live it. As the evening progressed, they began to feel safe enough to share their inner world. They felt a special connection. They felt understood. There were poignant times when each listened to the other and seemed to lovingly absorb a new perspective on reality. However, most of the time, it was just two people - two egos - happy to have a captive audience. They had no profound spiritual connection. They didn’t even have that many common thoughts or ideas. But each seemed to have a genuine interest in listening to the other. Why? What brought these two together? Was it physical attraction, hormones, chemistry? I suspect that played a big part in the desire to get to know each other. But then why didn’t they just jump into bed without all that talking? It’s because they wanted more. Underneath all that talking was a longing, a deep yearning to be seen and understood.
Is that what love is - for an individual to be seen apart from all the billions of people in this world, as the unique and special person they are? And then, even more, to feel that someone “gets” them, someone can actually understand the things they think and feel, someone even actually feels the same things, too. Is that not what we all hope for?
I think that is what parents are supposed to give their kids. That is why many people are longing for something elusive. They never got the affirmation of being human from the ones that brought them into this world, when they most needed it, as children. Is that the reason why so many people are looking for but unable to find love in their adult lives?
And many, many are looking, to no avail. It is all over the place in a million love songs, movies, stories and newspaper headlines. There’s Eleanor Rigby - she “picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been.” And Dolores Claiborne (just saw that movie) who lied to herself for years for “love.” Recently a celebrity made headlines for telling the world on Larry King Live that she was - guess what? - lonely and misunderstood. So when the girl and the guy in Before Sunrise get a whiff of the idea that this other person "really sees who I am and understands me", and their soul gives a sigh of relief - is that love? Or is it just the ego’s perceived affirmation?
Maybe that is young love. Maybe love is something more when you get older. There is much talk about the difference between infatuation and the deeper, intimate love that grows from a long marriage. I know nothing of that experience but I am sure it must be true. I am curious about what falling in love, in the mature years of life, is like. When I was a teenager my Great Aunt Thora got married for the first time. She was ancient - or it seemed that way to me, any way. A few of the adults (and me, too) were excited for her and hoped for a happy future for the newlyweds. Most thought it was a bad idea. “They are both so set in their ways,” everyone said. And everyone was right (to my disappointment). The marriage lasted only a few months. Arlene (my friend’s mom) and her husband Richard had been high school sweethearts, who were kept apart. They both married another and then years later in their fifties, after spousal death or divorce, met again at a high school reunion. They spent a happy, twenty years together. The same thing happened to my uncle Darrell, who was married five times before he finally found his way back to his first love. The two octogenarian, love birds flew off into the sunset, aboard a Harley Davidson.
Is it destiny, which prevails over the limitations of age, that brings people together? Most like to think so. I was talked into that one once, until he found the one he was really destined to be with. Their “destiny” lasted only three years and then hers took another direction. But it is such a romantic idea! My all time, favorite movie was filmed in the breathtakingly romantic setting of my old stomping ground, Glacier National Park, Montana. What Dreams May Come,
starring Robin Williams and Annabella Sciorra, is all about two souls who find each other, lose each other and find each other again in the next life. These two souls, who are destined to be together, go through hell and back, to get there. Everything about this movie exudes romantic love, reflected in all our ideals. I love this movie. I could watch it over and over again.
So what is love? Is it a combination of chemistry and the feeling that you are understood? Is it more than that, in a deep and profound, mature way? Is it just a replacement for loneliness? Or is it destined to happen to preordained individuals? Maybe it is all these things and more. Maybe it is different for everyone. Maybe the only thing that really matters is - What is it for you? Or in my case, me? Only one way to find out........
Let’s Get Happy!
I’ve been thinking about what worked when I used my power of intention for financial gain. It has been repeated over and over, in my recent experience - appreciation is the key. When I achieved success with my financial intention, I was working on a great project (my book). All my needs were taken care of and I was appreciating life. I lived as though nothing was missing because really, nothing was. I stopped worrying about money and just knew it would come to me.
Well, I've felt the same - and then some, here in Costa Rica. Every day is an unexpected delight, as I just wrote in my travel journal post, “Big Waves.”
While reveling in celebration of my life here, it came to me. I finally figured out why so many people say the love of their life appeared when they weren’t looking, when they’d forgotten about it, when they’d given up. It is because they were so involved with the other gratifying aspects of their lives, that they forgot to notice that something was missing. In fact there was nothing missing. They were happy and complete in their lives. They stopped putting energy into wishing for what they did not have. Instead, they focused their thoughts on those things they were involved with - the fulfilling, productive ventures they worked toward.
So that is the secret. Since like attracts like, when you are thinking about what you do not have - what is missing - then you send out that energy, which only attracts more of the same thing.
I am not doing that any more. And the reason is not only that I know better, it is because my life truly is complete. I can’t say it enough - how much I love the life I am living. I am doing what I enjoy. Writing frequently and taking some really beautiful photos to illustrate my writing in my Costa Rica Travel Journals.
I am painting a mural for my daughter’s boyfriend’s restaurant - for free! Well, just about for free. I paint, they feed me and every meal I’ve had has been excellent. I can do these things, write and paint without being paid because I have managed to get myself into an extremely economical living situation and everything is just flowing and falling into place.
Then of course, there is my fondness for Costa Rica. The climate is comfortable. I love the humidity. It makes my skin feel so good. It is rainy season, but I don’t mind at all. We are still getting some sun. I can walk or run on the beach whenever I want. I can always find somebody nice to talk to. I honestly feel - maybe for the first time in my life - that I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Now, even though I may be living a charmed life, it is not flawless. I’ve gotten sick three times in the six weeks I have been back in Costa Rica. But I really don’t mind. I am happy to have a comfortable place to get better and I am relieved to know that I can take as much time as I need to recover. I have no job to go to. I have no worries about money. I’m not missing a thing. I choose to believe that being sick is just my body’s way of pumping up its immune system to keep me feeling better and healthier, every day.
Choosing my thoughts is something I have grown aware of and have become quite good at, too. These days, if I think a thought that makes me feel bad, I catch myself instantly and stop it. The other day I was thinking about my son. Our family is nowhere near him and his girlfriend is going to Alaska to see her family, for Christmas. How will he feel? What will he do? What will I do? I have no family here. I began to feel a bit melancholy until I realized that these thoughts were not serving me. Thinking from this perspective would not change a thing about the situation but it would make me feel bad. So why do it? Why not choose thoughts that make me feel good, instead? I distracted myself by delving into an interesting book and soon I forgot about my despondence. Things will work out for my son and for me, too. We will both have great holidays.
The nice thing about the concept of choosing your thoughts to improve your life is that it is relatively easy. It is not like having to ferret out all your unconscious beliefs and change your whole belief system. Not at all. What you have to do is pay attention. Notice how you are feeling and then notice the thoughts that are present in your mind. For example, you are feeling depressed. Your mind is saying, “He doesn’t love me.” Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t, but do your thoughts of “he doesn’t love me” make him love you? Of course not. They just make you feel like crap. So stop it and start saying,”I love me!” or whatever you can figure out that makes you feel better. Renowned, motivational speaker, Tony Robbins says,”Fake it ‘til you make it.” He says that if you force yourself to smile, even if you don’t feel it, and you do it over and over, in a little while your body actually goes through chemical changes that create an improved mood.
Everyone can find something good in life to appreciate. And when you find one, soon another pops up and it goes on. So let’s all get happy! Write and tell me what is so great about your life. Really. I want to hear it. The more the merrier - great sentiments for the holiday season, don't you think?
Well, I've felt the same - and then some, here in Costa Rica. Every day is an unexpected delight, as I just wrote in my travel journal post, “Big Waves.”
While reveling in celebration of my life here, it came to me. I finally figured out why so many people say the love of their life appeared when they weren’t looking, when they’d forgotten about it, when they’d given up. It is because they were so involved with the other gratifying aspects of their lives, that they forgot to notice that something was missing. In fact there was nothing missing. They were happy and complete in their lives. They stopped putting energy into wishing for what they did not have. Instead, they focused their thoughts on those things they were involved with - the fulfilling, productive ventures they worked toward.
So that is the secret. Since like attracts like, when you are thinking about what you do not have - what is missing - then you send out that energy, which only attracts more of the same thing.
I am not doing that any more. And the reason is not only that I know better, it is because my life truly is complete. I can’t say it enough - how much I love the life I am living. I am doing what I enjoy. Writing frequently and taking some really beautiful photos to illustrate my writing in my Costa Rica Travel Journals.
I am painting a mural for my daughter’s boyfriend’s restaurant - for free! Well, just about for free. I paint, they feed me and every meal I’ve had has been excellent. I can do these things, write and paint without being paid because I have managed to get myself into an extremely economical living situation and everything is just flowing and falling into place.
Then of course, there is my fondness for Costa Rica. The climate is comfortable. I love the humidity. It makes my skin feel so good. It is rainy season, but I don’t mind at all. We are still getting some sun. I can walk or run on the beach whenever I want. I can always find somebody nice to talk to. I honestly feel - maybe for the first time in my life - that I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Now, even though I may be living a charmed life, it is not flawless. I’ve gotten sick three times in the six weeks I have been back in Costa Rica. But I really don’t mind. I am happy to have a comfortable place to get better and I am relieved to know that I can take as much time as I need to recover. I have no job to go to. I have no worries about money. I’m not missing a thing. I choose to believe that being sick is just my body’s way of pumping up its immune system to keep me feeling better and healthier, every day.
Choosing my thoughts is something I have grown aware of and have become quite good at, too. These days, if I think a thought that makes me feel bad, I catch myself instantly and stop it. The other day I was thinking about my son. Our family is nowhere near him and his girlfriend is going to Alaska to see her family, for Christmas. How will he feel? What will he do? What will I do? I have no family here. I began to feel a bit melancholy until I realized that these thoughts were not serving me. Thinking from this perspective would not change a thing about the situation but it would make me feel bad. So why do it? Why not choose thoughts that make me feel good, instead? I distracted myself by delving into an interesting book and soon I forgot about my despondence. Things will work out for my son and for me, too. We will both have great holidays.
The nice thing about the concept of choosing your thoughts to improve your life is that it is relatively easy. It is not like having to ferret out all your unconscious beliefs and change your whole belief system. Not at all. What you have to do is pay attention. Notice how you are feeling and then notice the thoughts that are present in your mind. For example, you are feeling depressed. Your mind is saying, “He doesn’t love me.” Maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t, but do your thoughts of “he doesn’t love me” make him love you? Of course not. They just make you feel like crap. So stop it and start saying,”I love me!” or whatever you can figure out that makes you feel better. Renowned, motivational speaker, Tony Robbins says,”Fake it ‘til you make it.” He says that if you force yourself to smile, even if you don’t feel it, and you do it over and over, in a little while your body actually goes through chemical changes that create an improved mood.
Everyone can find something good in life to appreciate. And when you find one, soon another pops up and it goes on. So let’s all get happy! Write and tell me what is so great about your life. Really. I want to hear it. The more the merrier - great sentiments for the holiday season, don't you think?
The Dance
Why do we do always have to do the dance?
You love him but does he love you? Yes, he loves you, but now you are not so sure. You retreat, he comes closer. He is in for the hunt now. He will do anything to seize and conquer.
He’s so sweet, so romantic you fall for it all the way and you are head over heels. He’s got you. But now, does he know what to do with you? You are so in love, so devoted, and you are a bit more than he bargained for. He backs off and you don’t hear from him for two weeks.
“That jerk, that idiot! Why are men so hot and cold?” You vow to be through with men forever. But he doesn’t know that. And he has not forgotten those sweet kisses.
He calls. You hang up. He sends flowers. You toss them out. He sings ballads at your balcony and finally you relent, reluctantly. Your keeping him at arm’s length, keeps him begging for more and soon it gets annoying. “Men - they’re so soppy and sentimental!” His best behavior is not good enough and you throw a hissy fit.
He walks out and you wonder, “Oh no, what have I done?” Soon you are obsessed with getting him back and the dance begins again.
My daughter went back to the States about six weeks ago. She felt she needed a break from living with her boyfriend and she wanted to spend some time with her dad. When the day came to leave she didn’t want to leave Jonathan, but she had made the commitment and I had bought the ticket. She left with plans to return to Costa Rica in three months.
Since she's been gone I have spent some time with Jonathan and gotten to know him better. I think highly of this young man, the same age as my son. He began to feel like a son to me and he said the same about me. His mother died of cancer three years ago. One day we went together to shop in a nearby town and I was pleasantly surprised to hear him introduce me as his mother-in-law! On the drive home he talked of how much he loved and missed my daughter. Since she has been gone they’ve indulged in longing emails and phone calls - up until now.
Things in the States did not go as well as expected. Chelsea’s headed back early, the day before Christmas. I was delighted. I miss her. I thought Jonathan would be, too. At first he said he was, but it didn’t quite seem that way to me. Later he told me he had been thinking..... about the good times and bad times. He was not sure if he wanted the relationship - and my daughter - back again.
I was confused! I was his mother-in-law! But no, not really. It was just a nice little fantasy that gave me the feeling of having family around. Now suddenly my family was gone. I was surprised at the emotions this brought out in me. I was taken right back to the time I was in Chelsea’s shoes. Men! When you treat them well they don’t appreciate you and then when you leave them, they want you back. But hadn’t I done the same thing myself, in reverse?
Chelsea and Jonathan are two young people, in love and maybe on the brink of an adventure of a lifetime - or not. I can’t help but hope for the best for my daughter - for the better than me, as we always want our children’s lives to prosper beyond our own. But here I must step out of the way. Their lives and their relationship are theirs to explore. I am just a hopeful bystander. Maybe if I had my own relationship to think about, my daughter’s would have less of an impact on my life........
You love him but does he love you? Yes, he loves you, but now you are not so sure. You retreat, he comes closer. He is in for the hunt now. He will do anything to seize and conquer.
He’s so sweet, so romantic you fall for it all the way and you are head over heels. He’s got you. But now, does he know what to do with you? You are so in love, so devoted, and you are a bit more than he bargained for. He backs off and you don’t hear from him for two weeks.
“That jerk, that idiot! Why are men so hot and cold?” You vow to be through with men forever. But he doesn’t know that. And he has not forgotten those sweet kisses.
He calls. You hang up. He sends flowers. You toss them out. He sings ballads at your balcony and finally you relent, reluctantly. Your keeping him at arm’s length, keeps him begging for more and soon it gets annoying. “Men - they’re so soppy and sentimental!” His best behavior is not good enough and you throw a hissy fit.
He walks out and you wonder, “Oh no, what have I done?” Soon you are obsessed with getting him back and the dance begins again.
My daughter went back to the States about six weeks ago. She felt she needed a break from living with her boyfriend and she wanted to spend some time with her dad. When the day came to leave she didn’t want to leave Jonathan, but she had made the commitment and I had bought the ticket. She left with plans to return to Costa Rica in three months.
Since she's been gone I have spent some time with Jonathan and gotten to know him better. I think highly of this young man, the same age as my son. He began to feel like a son to me and he said the same about me. His mother died of cancer three years ago. One day we went together to shop in a nearby town and I was pleasantly surprised to hear him introduce me as his mother-in-law! On the drive home he talked of how much he loved and missed my daughter. Since she has been gone they’ve indulged in longing emails and phone calls - up until now.
Things in the States did not go as well as expected. Chelsea’s headed back early, the day before Christmas. I was delighted. I miss her. I thought Jonathan would be, too. At first he said he was, but it didn’t quite seem that way to me. Later he told me he had been thinking..... about the good times and bad times. He was not sure if he wanted the relationship - and my daughter - back again.
I was confused! I was his mother-in-law! But no, not really. It was just a nice little fantasy that gave me the feeling of having family around. Now suddenly my family was gone. I was surprised at the emotions this brought out in me. I was taken right back to the time I was in Chelsea’s shoes. Men! When you treat them well they don’t appreciate you and then when you leave them, they want you back. But hadn’t I done the same thing myself, in reverse?
Chelsea and Jonathan are two young people, in love and maybe on the brink of an adventure of a lifetime - or not. I can’t help but hope for the best for my daughter - for the better than me, as we always want our children’s lives to prosper beyond our own. But here I must step out of the way. Their lives and their relationship are theirs to explore. I am just a hopeful bystander. Maybe if I had my own relationship to think about, my daughter’s would have less of an impact on my life........
Bystander hit by loose, flying smile!
Love is everywhere - that’s how you feel when you are in love with life. And that is how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve been enjoying and appreciating life immensely.
Of course that doesn’t mean it is without a few bumps in the road. A few weeks ago I was subjected to the pitfalls of small town life, which I somehow seemed to avoid, for the many years I lived in a small town in Montana. A woman, whom I thought was a friend, accused me of putting the moves on her boyfriend. She said he told her I asked him to be my lover. The mere idea was almost too ridiculous to even address, but I did. I told her - no, I did not and would not do something like that. What I did not tell her is that, as everyone else in this town knows, Angelo hits on everyone. And I would not be with him if he were the proverbial last man on earth.
Well, It was disconcerting, to say the least. I liked Mari and was disappointed that she would choose to believe a lie about me. But yet, I understood. Love is blind, there is no doubt about it. Once I let my anger go, I considered what I know about pain. For someone to attack another, the way she did me, they must be in great pain. As always, most things people do to you are not about you, but about them. There was nothing to give her evidence that I was interested in Angelo because I never even talk to him. But I knew she needed to believe what he told her in order to continue to be his girlfriend, which is what she seems to want to do.
I decided I would try to forget the whole thing and smile and say hello when I saw her. Well, the next day, there she was walking down the street and I looked the other way. I couldn’t do it. I was still hurt.
Today, two weeks have passed and I have been simply so thrilled with life that almost nothing could bother me. I was riding my bike down the street and smiling - just smiling for the sake of smiling, regardless as to whether my smiles had any recipients. A woman approached on her bike, from a distance and one of my smiles, flying through the air, landed on her. It was Mari! I smiled hello before I even knew it was her - and she smiled back. So there you go, that’s what love does. I wish her the best. I’ve heard Angelo’s alcoholism is getting worse and Mari has to call the police to get him off her property frequently. It was nice to see her smile back at me.
Of course that doesn’t mean it is without a few bumps in the road. A few weeks ago I was subjected to the pitfalls of small town life, which I somehow seemed to avoid, for the many years I lived in a small town in Montana. A woman, whom I thought was a friend, accused me of putting the moves on her boyfriend. She said he told her I asked him to be my lover. The mere idea was almost too ridiculous to even address, but I did. I told her - no, I did not and would not do something like that. What I did not tell her is that, as everyone else in this town knows, Angelo hits on everyone. And I would not be with him if he were the proverbial last man on earth.
Well, It was disconcerting, to say the least. I liked Mari and was disappointed that she would choose to believe a lie about me. But yet, I understood. Love is blind, there is no doubt about it. Once I let my anger go, I considered what I know about pain. For someone to attack another, the way she did me, they must be in great pain. As always, most things people do to you are not about you, but about them. There was nothing to give her evidence that I was interested in Angelo because I never even talk to him. But I knew she needed to believe what he told her in order to continue to be his girlfriend, which is what she seems to want to do.
I decided I would try to forget the whole thing and smile and say hello when I saw her. Well, the next day, there she was walking down the street and I looked the other way. I couldn’t do it. I was still hurt.
Today, two weeks have passed and I have been simply so thrilled with life that almost nothing could bother me. I was riding my bike down the street and smiling - just smiling for the sake of smiling, regardless as to whether my smiles had any recipients. A woman approached on her bike, from a distance and one of my smiles, flying through the air, landed on her. It was Mari! I smiled hello before I even knew it was her - and she smiled back. So there you go, that’s what love does. I wish her the best. I’ve heard Angelo’s alcoholism is getting worse and Mari has to call the police to get him off her property frequently. It was nice to see her smile back at me.
Doing It Right
All my life I have been compelled to do things the right way. I know where it comes from. It's what I was taught. At a very young age I rebelled and stopped doing things my father’s “right way” but I continued to feel the need to do things right. It’s a variation of the Puritan work ethic, work hard and you’ll succeed - do it right and you’ll succeed. That is my approach to everything.
When I first learned about the power of intention, I wanted to use it. The logical next step was to learn how. Over the years I have read books, watched movies, observed and questioned people and experimented with my own life in an effort to study and successfully use the power of intention. I wanted to be sure I was doing it right.
I have learned a lot. I’ve found techniques to help me determine my intention and focus my energy. In many cases, my experience has taught me that I can, indeed, achieve my desired results through my thoughts and expectations. Still, there were some things I wanted that just didn’t occur - mostly in the areas of finance and romance. Sound familiar? I know I am not the only one.
At the beginning of this blog, the challenge I chose was financial. I learned so much through observation of myself and my thoughts - and then writing about it. That experiment was a considerable success. I honestly came to believe that my financial worries were over and I realized that I will have exactly the right amount of money coming to me as I need it, for the rest of my life. It sure felt good to say that. So good in fact, that I got the courage to work on the greater and more elusive matter of romance. For this task, my strategy would be the same. I would do what worked for the last one. I would do it right and be successful.
Creating and realizing an intention around romance was so much harder for me. It seemed I didn’t have as much to write about so I didn’t write every day, like before. Honestly, I think I just didn’t want to force myself to think about it so much by writing. Yet my plan was to discover more through writing, just like I had done regarding money.
My biggest (and self imposed) obstacle was the intention I chose. It was not what I really wanted. I was afraid to ask for that. So in the middle of it all, I abandoned my intention, but continued to write. Why was I afraid to ask? What I really wanted was a soul mate. One man - not three - who was the right man for me. When I think about it I realize that I did not want to ask because I didn’t want to be disappointed. I did not really believe that I could have it. This brings up the second huge difference between this intention and the one about money.
My financial intention was tied into my lifestyle and essentially, my life. I asked for five thousand dollars in a month’s time because that is what I needed to go back to Costa Rica, comfortably. The difference, in that case, was that I would not take no for an answer. I just couldn’t imagine going back to life in the USA and there was no way I was going to do it. My mind was set on living prosperously in Costa Rica and nothing was going to stop me. That kind of resolve is the impetus behind successful intentions. You just have to say, “It’s going to happen.” No doubts and no question about it.
In this case, I sometimes have doubts - I’m human - especially when it comes close to my deadline. But I try to give them no energy. I cast them aside and learn something more. How many times have you had life come to your rescue, just in the nick of time? We are given what we need when we need it. Perhaps I need to recreate my intention. Paying more attention to what worked last time.
I will ask for exactly what I want.
I will dispel all fear. After all, I have been disappointed before and lived through it.
I will dispel all doubts, knowing that what I ask for will come when the time is right.
I will proceed with confidence and I will not take no for an answer.
As you can see, I am still trying to do it right. But I am not going to pursue perfection. We all make mistakes - so much the better if it is a learning experience. Nobody said you have to be perfect for an intention to come true. In my next blog I will write a new intention and we will see what the New Year brings.
When I first learned about the power of intention, I wanted to use it. The logical next step was to learn how. Over the years I have read books, watched movies, observed and questioned people and experimented with my own life in an effort to study and successfully use the power of intention. I wanted to be sure I was doing it right.
I have learned a lot. I’ve found techniques to help me determine my intention and focus my energy. In many cases, my experience has taught me that I can, indeed, achieve my desired results through my thoughts and expectations. Still, there were some things I wanted that just didn’t occur - mostly in the areas of finance and romance. Sound familiar? I know I am not the only one.
At the beginning of this blog, the challenge I chose was financial. I learned so much through observation of myself and my thoughts - and then writing about it. That experiment was a considerable success. I honestly came to believe that my financial worries were over and I realized that I will have exactly the right amount of money coming to me as I need it, for the rest of my life. It sure felt good to say that. So good in fact, that I got the courage to work on the greater and more elusive matter of romance. For this task, my strategy would be the same. I would do what worked for the last one. I would do it right and be successful.
Creating and realizing an intention around romance was so much harder for me. It seemed I didn’t have as much to write about so I didn’t write every day, like before. Honestly, I think I just didn’t want to force myself to think about it so much by writing. Yet my plan was to discover more through writing, just like I had done regarding money.
My biggest (and self imposed) obstacle was the intention I chose. It was not what I really wanted. I was afraid to ask for that. So in the middle of it all, I abandoned my intention, but continued to write. Why was I afraid to ask? What I really wanted was a soul mate. One man - not three - who was the right man for me. When I think about it I realize that I did not want to ask because I didn’t want to be disappointed. I did not really believe that I could have it. This brings up the second huge difference between this intention and the one about money.
My financial intention was tied into my lifestyle and essentially, my life. I asked for five thousand dollars in a month’s time because that is what I needed to go back to Costa Rica, comfortably. The difference, in that case, was that I would not take no for an answer. I just couldn’t imagine going back to life in the USA and there was no way I was going to do it. My mind was set on living prosperously in Costa Rica and nothing was going to stop me. That kind of resolve is the impetus behind successful intentions. You just have to say, “It’s going to happen.” No doubts and no question about it.
In this case, I sometimes have doubts - I’m human - especially when it comes close to my deadline. But I try to give them no energy. I cast them aside and learn something more. How many times have you had life come to your rescue, just in the nick of time? We are given what we need when we need it. Perhaps I need to recreate my intention. Paying more attention to what worked last time.
I will ask for exactly what I want.
I will dispel all fear. After all, I have been disappointed before and lived through it.
I will dispel all doubts, knowing that what I ask for will come when the time is right.
I will proceed with confidence and I will not take no for an answer.
As you can see, I am still trying to do it right. But I am not going to pursue perfection. We all make mistakes - so much the better if it is a learning experience. Nobody said you have to be perfect for an intention to come true. In my next blog I will write a new intention and we will see what the New Year brings.
My Vision of Life - Won’t you come along?
I think my new intention will be about romance. I am still wanting a soul mate. But no specific intention is coming to me. Then I fear that maybe I don‘t want a soul mate. Maybe if I had a soul mate I would not have my full, fun, adventurous life. My focus would be on him and I’d lose myself. It wouldn’t be the first time.
But wait. Why should fulfillment in one area of life preclude gratification in another? I can have it all. Why not? There are no laws, no rules, saying we can have almost, but not everything. It is as if expecting a life of fulfilled dreams - each and every dream - is a delusion grandeur. Well if it is, then I am choosing, here and now, to be deluded. I have only this life to live in this moment and it belongs solely to me. I believe I can have it all. And furthermore, I’ll show you - just you wait and see.
Now that that’s been resolved, I must go on to the greater task of determining exactly what it is I want. The conflict mentioned earlier, between my single life and my potential partnered life can be allayed by a higher vision. The question is, “How do I envision my life?”
I see comfort and freedom. I am already living these intentions. I do what I want, when I want and I live in a tropical paradise. I continue to do so, traveling at times and always enjoying a pleasant standard of living. I always have enough money to support my preferred lifestyle. I intend to have enough money to help my children have a good and productive life. I intend to earn the money needed to accomplish my goals through my writing. I thrive on creativity and productiveness. This insures the independence and the freedom I love.
At some point, in the midst of this lovely life I am living, an amazing man appears before me. This man is handsome, intelligent and wise, with integrity and great strength of character. He is a businessman who has accomplished much in his life and now has the time, the means and the desire to pursue challenges of a spiritual, humanitarian and pleasurable nature. His deep, intense gaze stirs my soul. Then his smile, big enough to let in the whole world, fills me with a love that bursts out into everything around us. This vibrant, passionate man is in love with me and in love with life. He is fun and funny, happy and sublime. He is Latin - fluent in English and Spanish - and he loves to dance Salsa. This marvelous man, dream come true, is honest and faithful, affectionate and kind. He sees into my heart and he knows me, always there with support and appreciation of who I am. My Latino asombrosador takes me in his arms and without a moment’s hesitation, he commits his heart to mine.
That’s it - the way I envision my life - family, freedom, fun and a fabulous man, just for me. And along the way, I share my secrets with everyone. I arouse, awaken and ignite, in the world, a fire of desire and a belief in love. I want to motivate, encourage and inspire you all to make your dreams come true. You see, my vision of life - this lovely life where one can have it all - is not just for me. It includes you, too! Won’t you come along?
But wait. Why should fulfillment in one area of life preclude gratification in another? I can have it all. Why not? There are no laws, no rules, saying we can have almost, but not everything. It is as if expecting a life of fulfilled dreams - each and every dream - is a delusion grandeur. Well if it is, then I am choosing, here and now, to be deluded. I have only this life to live in this moment and it belongs solely to me. I believe I can have it all. And furthermore, I’ll show you - just you wait and see.
Now that that’s been resolved, I must go on to the greater task of determining exactly what it is I want. The conflict mentioned earlier, between my single life and my potential partnered life can be allayed by a higher vision. The question is, “How do I envision my life?”
I see comfort and freedom. I am already living these intentions. I do what I want, when I want and I live in a tropical paradise. I continue to do so, traveling at times and always enjoying a pleasant standard of living. I always have enough money to support my preferred lifestyle. I intend to have enough money to help my children have a good and productive life. I intend to earn the money needed to accomplish my goals through my writing. I thrive on creativity and productiveness. This insures the independence and the freedom I love.
At some point, in the midst of this lovely life I am living, an amazing man appears before me. This man is handsome, intelligent and wise, with integrity and great strength of character. He is a businessman who has accomplished much in his life and now has the time, the means and the desire to pursue challenges of a spiritual, humanitarian and pleasurable nature. His deep, intense gaze stirs my soul. Then his smile, big enough to let in the whole world, fills me with a love that bursts out into everything around us. This vibrant, passionate man is in love with me and in love with life. He is fun and funny, happy and sublime. He is Latin - fluent in English and Spanish - and he loves to dance Salsa. This marvelous man, dream come true, is honest and faithful, affectionate and kind. He sees into my heart and he knows me, always there with support and appreciation of who I am. My Latino asombrosador takes me in his arms and without a moment’s hesitation, he commits his heart to mine.
That’s it - the way I envision my life - family, freedom, fun and a fabulous man, just for me. And along the way, I share my secrets with everyone. I arouse, awaken and ignite, in the world, a fire of desire and a belief in love. I want to motivate, encourage and inspire you all to make your dreams come true. You see, my vision of life - this lovely life where one can have it all - is not just for me. It includes you, too! Won’t you come along?
The Secret of Life
This morning I woke up to the soft murmur of rain. I’ve grown to feel a comfort from this warm, familiar sound of the tropics. It enticed me back to sleep for a little longer, which was good. I’d been out dancing, carousing and having fun, last night, 'til three a.m.. Life is a gas!
I can’t tell you how much I have been enjoying life these days. Words can’t convey it. It can only be felt. I walk through the world finding joy and delight in just about everything. And it’s not because I live in Costa Rica. Nor is it because I won the lottery or found my soul mate. (I didn’t.) It is simply and completely due to the fact that I have found the secret of life. Yes, that’s right. I know the secret of life and I use it, to my advantage, almost every moment of every day. It is becoming a habit, as natural as breathing. Would you like to know what it is?
It is so simple - you may not believe me. (I have evidence. I’ll tell you later.) The secret of life is giving love in every moment, to everyone and every little thing around you. Now, this is not some lofty ideal and you don’t have to turn into Mother Theresa. All you have to do is walk down the street, look up at the sky and say, “Oh, what a lovely color of blue.” Then you turn and smile at the person walking by. Who cares if they see you? Who cares if they smile back? You smile and think a good thought. “How tall and grand of stature he is.....What a cute little dog she has.....That kid could be a great soccer player.” Keep your focus on the good and soon something good happens to you. You run into that guy you’ve been wanting to get in touch with and he’s right in line with your new idea. Or maybe you find a dollar on the sidewalk. Then you think, “Wow, I found a dollar. This is my lucky day.” and every day becomes your lucky day. It is really that simple. For us humans, giving love comes naturally. All we have to do is open our hearts and let it flow.
I am fully convinced by my own experience, that appreciation (which is giving of yourself - giving love) is the secret of life. Like attracts like and the more you find to appreciate and take pleasure in, the more happy opportunities come your way. Recently, I set the intention of meeting and connecting with the man of my dreams. I gave thought to what I wanted, made a public announcement of it and then let it go, shifting my focus back to the enjoyment of my everyday life. Since that time, new men have been popping up everywhere and I’m getting many glimpses of my kindred spirit. There’s been Juan, Drew, Alejandro, Jean, Roberto, Natanael and Hubert. These are all interesting men whom I’ve met since the time I set my intention. Each has some of the qualities I am looking for and none have them all. It’s been great fun, just looking. I’ll give you the run down.
Jaun is a local hotel owner, introduced to me by friends on a Salsa dancing night. He doesn’t dance. But what fascinating conversation we had. The man lives life surrealistically, moving from the physical dimension to metaphysical realms. His dynamic thoughts and ideas are a contrast to his more ordinary demeanor.
I met Drew on the beach. He’s a chef from the States, who works all summer in a white water rafting resort and spends winters traveling the world. This fifty five year old guy, cool, relaxed and tanned, with his tousled hair and tattoos, looks just like one of the surfer kids 20 years younger. He too, has a refreshing outlook on life. He does Tai Chi and studies the Dao, but what you really notice about him is that he’s such a happy guy. And he should be. He’s living the “life of Riley”!
I met Alejandro on the shore of the vast and beautiful Sixaola river. He was getting ready to catch a boat across to Panama. The “Wild Peace Maker” as he calls himself, works with local farmers to promote fair trade and sustainable living projects. This intelligent and very professional man is a transplant from Spain. He is devoted to his cause of making the world a better place.
Jean is Tunisian, born of French and Italian parents. French and Arabic were both his first languages and of course, he speaks Italian and English, too. At age seventy two, he is far from my envisioned heart throb, but he seemed so interesting, I had to accept his dinner invitation. As a young man of only sixteen he began his world travels. Stories of backpacking in Istanbul brought exotic visions to mind, like old movies of chase scenes through the Turkish markets. At twenty one, he married a woman sixteen years his senior and they are still together. (Seemingly due to an “open marriage” type agreement. They each do what they want and he “visits” her in Paris, frequently.) At this moment I believe they are spending their fiftieth anniversary, under the stars of the Tunisian desert. Jean got his doctorate in mathematics at age twenty six and for many years worked as a university professor in France. Now retired, he was in Costa Rica on business, with a friend who just opened the Caribbean’s first five star hotel.
I had to laugh, as I discussed the situation with my friend, Ed, who was visiting. Just a few days earlier I got a crush on my masseuse, who is twenty years younger than me. It was just a fleeting fancy and nothing more, passing quickly. To Ishmael, I was just another client. But to Jean, I was a potential girlfriend. It had to be the guy twenty years older that hit on me. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough!
Right after dinner with Jean, I met some friends for drinks in town. That’s when Roberto walked up to me, as if to say, “Hello, I’m your new boyfriend.” The attraction was instant. Roberto is a very handsome man. That may well be his best attribute but it was enough for the moment. We spent the evening dancing, talking and walking on the beach. It was exciting to be held in the strong arms of such a fetching man. I kept thinking, “Wow! Someone to kiss and hold my hand. This is so much fun!” It had been over a year since I’d tasted that pleasure.
Life is full of contrasts just to keep us on our toes. My next glimpse of mi media naranja came from Natanael. My friends, Connie and Aaron, are getting married on the beach, next week. Our mutual friend, Gina, called me. “Come on over, Connie wants you to meet Aaron’s adorable brother, who is visiting. He’s an artist. You’ll like him.” Natanael, Aaron’s little brother, was indeed adorable - and young. He was only twenty years old! Why in the world would someone that age be interested in me - and vice versa? Well, it seems Connie had been getting desperate for a distraction for her brother-in-law. Their house is quite small and she wanted some alone time with her honey. Being the good friend that I am, I complied. It might be fun. Natanael was devoted to his art and he was a musician, too. He spoke no English, so I’d get some good practice with my Spanish. I offered to take him along with me to take photos of a mural I’d done. Then we went to the beach. What a wonderful day we had walking the shoreline and climbing the muddy paths of the jungle of the Gandoca Preserve. We found we had in common, los ojos de un artista - the eyes of an artist. When I talked of the many different colors of blue I could see in the ocean that day, he understood. When he pointed out the tiny mushrooms growing on the jungle floor and gave me the vibrant orange and purple ocean sponges that he found, a heart felt kinship was born between us. We finished the day, learning each other’s language by writing in the sand. He sang and played guitar in the sunset. Un dia precioso!
Last on my list, but not least, was last night’s dance partner, Hubert. Another one who speaks no English, but is nearer to my age. He’s a Tico (Costa Rican), an artist, a fantastic dancer and charming, handsome man. “I’m honing in.” I thought, “Getting closer to what I’ve been looking for.” And indeed, this guy had potential, until I noticed those big red flags he was carrying. One was attached to a large bottle of rum. Still, the dancing was great fun. He swung me and flung me around the dance floor. “Esto es más divertido que pasear en un parque de atracciones.” I told him. (This is more fun than rides in an amusement park.)
As you can see, I’ve been enjoying and appreciating life. But it’s not just with men. I liked painting the sign I just did, for a friend, for free. I am so happy, getting my little house ready for a visitor from the States. I love the community cat I call “Baby”, who is about to have some herself. And I relish in the warm sun on my face and the sound of the rain. The truly magical thing about the secret of life is that it entertains you in the moment and you never even think to hold on to an experience. Each new moments brings another, even better one. This letting go, lets you love and appreciate people and things for their intrinsic value, not for what you can get from them. When you love and let go at the same time, you give others the freedom to be who they are and then you can really see them shine. Maybe they stay in your life, maybe they drift off. Either way, it’s all good. Another moment is on it’s way I and I just can’t wait to find out what will happen next! Pura Vida!
I can’t tell you how much I have been enjoying life these days. Words can’t convey it. It can only be felt. I walk through the world finding joy and delight in just about everything. And it’s not because I live in Costa Rica. Nor is it because I won the lottery or found my soul mate. (I didn’t.) It is simply and completely due to the fact that I have found the secret of life. Yes, that’s right. I know the secret of life and I use it, to my advantage, almost every moment of every day. It is becoming a habit, as natural as breathing. Would you like to know what it is?
It is so simple - you may not believe me. (I have evidence. I’ll tell you later.) The secret of life is giving love in every moment, to everyone and every little thing around you. Now, this is not some lofty ideal and you don’t have to turn into Mother Theresa. All you have to do is walk down the street, look up at the sky and say, “Oh, what a lovely color of blue.” Then you turn and smile at the person walking by. Who cares if they see you? Who cares if they smile back? You smile and think a good thought. “How tall and grand of stature he is.....What a cute little dog she has.....That kid could be a great soccer player.” Keep your focus on the good and soon something good happens to you. You run into that guy you’ve been wanting to get in touch with and he’s right in line with your new idea. Or maybe you find a dollar on the sidewalk. Then you think, “Wow, I found a dollar. This is my lucky day.” and every day becomes your lucky day. It is really that simple. For us humans, giving love comes naturally. All we have to do is open our hearts and let it flow.
I am fully convinced by my own experience, that appreciation (which is giving of yourself - giving love) is the secret of life. Like attracts like and the more you find to appreciate and take pleasure in, the more happy opportunities come your way. Recently, I set the intention of meeting and connecting with the man of my dreams. I gave thought to what I wanted, made a public announcement of it and then let it go, shifting my focus back to the enjoyment of my everyday life. Since that time, new men have been popping up everywhere and I’m getting many glimpses of my kindred spirit. There’s been Juan, Drew, Alejandro, Jean, Roberto, Natanael and Hubert. These are all interesting men whom I’ve met since the time I set my intention. Each has some of the qualities I am looking for and none have them all. It’s been great fun, just looking. I’ll give you the run down.
Jaun is a local hotel owner, introduced to me by friends on a Salsa dancing night. He doesn’t dance. But what fascinating conversation we had. The man lives life surrealistically, moving from the physical dimension to metaphysical realms. His dynamic thoughts and ideas are a contrast to his more ordinary demeanor.
I met Drew on the beach. He’s a chef from the States, who works all summer in a white water rafting resort and spends winters traveling the world. This fifty five year old guy, cool, relaxed and tanned, with his tousled hair and tattoos, looks just like one of the surfer kids 20 years younger. He too, has a refreshing outlook on life. He does Tai Chi and studies the Dao, but what you really notice about him is that he’s such a happy guy. And he should be. He’s living the “life of Riley”!
I met Alejandro on the shore of the vast and beautiful Sixaola river. He was getting ready to catch a boat across to Panama. The “Wild Peace Maker” as he calls himself, works with local farmers to promote fair trade and sustainable living projects. This intelligent and very professional man is a transplant from Spain. He is devoted to his cause of making the world a better place.
Jean is Tunisian, born of French and Italian parents. French and Arabic were both his first languages and of course, he speaks Italian and English, too. At age seventy two, he is far from my envisioned heart throb, but he seemed so interesting, I had to accept his dinner invitation. As a young man of only sixteen he began his world travels. Stories of backpacking in Istanbul brought exotic visions to mind, like old movies of chase scenes through the Turkish markets. At twenty one, he married a woman sixteen years his senior and they are still together. (Seemingly due to an “open marriage” type agreement. They each do what they want and he “visits” her in Paris, frequently.) At this moment I believe they are spending their fiftieth anniversary, under the stars of the Tunisian desert. Jean got his doctorate in mathematics at age twenty six and for many years worked as a university professor in France. Now retired, he was in Costa Rica on business, with a friend who just opened the Caribbean’s first five star hotel.
I had to laugh, as I discussed the situation with my friend, Ed, who was visiting. Just a few days earlier I got a crush on my masseuse, who is twenty years younger than me. It was just a fleeting fancy and nothing more, passing quickly. To Ishmael, I was just another client. But to Jean, I was a potential girlfriend. It had to be the guy twenty years older that hit on me. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough!
Right after dinner with Jean, I met some friends for drinks in town. That’s when Roberto walked up to me, as if to say, “Hello, I’m your new boyfriend.” The attraction was instant. Roberto is a very handsome man. That may well be his best attribute but it was enough for the moment. We spent the evening dancing, talking and walking on the beach. It was exciting to be held in the strong arms of such a fetching man. I kept thinking, “Wow! Someone to kiss and hold my hand. This is so much fun!” It had been over a year since I’d tasted that pleasure.
Life is full of contrasts just to keep us on our toes. My next glimpse of mi media naranja came from Natanael. My friends, Connie and Aaron, are getting married on the beach, next week. Our mutual friend, Gina, called me. “Come on over, Connie wants you to meet Aaron’s adorable brother, who is visiting. He’s an artist. You’ll like him.” Natanael, Aaron’s little brother, was indeed adorable - and young. He was only twenty years old! Why in the world would someone that age be interested in me - and vice versa? Well, it seems Connie had been getting desperate for a distraction for her brother-in-law. Their house is quite small and she wanted some alone time with her honey. Being the good friend that I am, I complied. It might be fun. Natanael was devoted to his art and he was a musician, too. He spoke no English, so I’d get some good practice with my Spanish. I offered to take him along with me to take photos of a mural I’d done. Then we went to the beach. What a wonderful day we had walking the shoreline and climbing the muddy paths of the jungle of the Gandoca Preserve. We found we had in common, los ojos de un artista - the eyes of an artist. When I talked of the many different colors of blue I could see in the ocean that day, he understood. When he pointed out the tiny mushrooms growing on the jungle floor and gave me the vibrant orange and purple ocean sponges that he found, a heart felt kinship was born between us. We finished the day, learning each other’s language by writing in the sand. He sang and played guitar in the sunset. Un dia precioso!
Last on my list, but not least, was last night’s dance partner, Hubert. Another one who speaks no English, but is nearer to my age. He’s a Tico (Costa Rican), an artist, a fantastic dancer and charming, handsome man. “I’m honing in.” I thought, “Getting closer to what I’ve been looking for.” And indeed, this guy had potential, until I noticed those big red flags he was carrying. One was attached to a large bottle of rum. Still, the dancing was great fun. He swung me and flung me around the dance floor. “Esto es más divertido que pasear en un parque de atracciones.” I told him. (This is more fun than rides in an amusement park.)
As you can see, I’ve been enjoying and appreciating life. But it’s not just with men. I liked painting the sign I just did, for a friend, for free. I am so happy, getting my little house ready for a visitor from the States. I love the community cat I call “Baby”, who is about to have some herself. And I relish in the warm sun on my face and the sound of the rain. The truly magical thing about the secret of life is that it entertains you in the moment and you never even think to hold on to an experience. Each new moments brings another, even better one. This letting go, lets you love and appreciate people and things for their intrinsic value, not for what you can get from them. When you love and let go at the same time, you give others the freedom to be who they are and then you can really see them shine. Maybe they stay in your life, maybe they drift off. Either way, it’s all good. Another moment is on it’s way I and I just can’t wait to find out what will happen next! Pura Vida!
Opening the Heart and Letting Down the Walls
Since I last wrote, a month has passed and interesting men have come and gone. I’ve been enjoying life immensely but there was still something missing. The light hearted game had begun to feel shallow.
One evening I went out to dance. I’d been having a bit of a hard time with some people I know, trying to pull me into their crazy world. I felt sad and hurt. As I walked down the street, I sent a plea to the heavens, “I need to talk. Please, send someone for me to talk to.” At that instant, Derrick appeared. Derrick is a Rasta guy - one of those kids you see on the streets with long dreads and no shirt or shoes. He’s always been nice to me. He’s wanted me for over a year, but as he is not what I want, I’ve always spurned his advances.
“Want to take a walk on the beach?” he asked.
“Well,” I thought, “You never know where the voice of God may come from.” I needed a confidant and Derrick’s the one who showed up. We walked and talked. I poured out my heart and he held it gently. And at the end of the conversation I went on, to a fun night of dancing, feeling my old, happy self again.
Over the next few days, Derrick sought out my company. He came over and helped me wax my car. “You’ve got to come to my house in the jungle,” he implored. “It is so beautiful up there. I know you would love it.”
I knew what he wanted and maybe - just maybe - I wanted the same. It had been so long since I’d let anyone get close to me. Derrick may not have been my ideal, but he was sweet and I trusted him. My intuition told me it was the right thing to do, so I did. I went up to Derrick’s jungle house and immersed myself in a symphony of nature, with it’s wild, calling birds and foliage in stunning reds and deep and brilliant greens. I savored the jungle air, of rich and humid intensity. It was a lovely afternoon.
This unexpected experience was inspiring. Look what I had been doing. Should one starve themselves because what they are looking for is not on the menu? Of course not! This was the turning point. I decided I was not going to spend my life in waiting. I took a deep breath and jumped in - with an ad on Craig’s List.
I kept it simple. Basically, I asked for an attractive Latino who was not married or broke, for a little romance. I got quite a response. And you can bet that whatever weird, strange reply you can imagine is one of the ones I got. I had to weed through them. There were nice ones, too. In fact, every email from a Latin man was polite and respectful. It was the Gringos who sent me the rude replies. And as soon as I saw their crude photos, I hit “delete.” I corresponded with a few of the nice guys and I chose Marcial.
Now here was a man with many desirable qualities. He was handsome and smart. He’d lived in the States for ten years, so he spoke my language and understood my culture, yet he was very Latino. He had the walk, the talk, the passion and romance and a fun-filled enthusiasm for life. Marcial is a dynamic person, intelligent, creative and ambitious, ready to take on the world and seek his fortune. And in a whole different place in his life than I. That’s because he is much younger.
We corresponded by email and then spent hours on the phone, getting to know each other, before we met. Marcial was visiting family in Costa Rica and would be going back to the States soon. He had big plans for his life, which at this time, did not include a serious relationship. I was in agreement with this, as I knew he was just too young for me. But, “Oh, no!” I thought, “What if I fall in love?” It has been known to happen. Well, you can take chances in life, or you can sit at home and watch other people do it on TV. You know what I decided to do.
I am happy to say, I made the right decision. I did not fall in love, but I shared some lovely moments with a very lovable man. He was tender and sweet, sensitive to my needs and desires. He looked into my eyes and listened when I spoke. He cared about what mattered to me. He brought me to his house and told me all about his life, opening up his world to me. As we shared a special intimacy, I began to feel my heart open. The walls I’ve maintained for so long, for my protection, were no longer a barrier to my own happiness. The walls were melting away. I remember the exact moment I realized, as we lay together, heart to heart. A voice inside simply said, “Your heart is open.” I never had the chance to tell Marcial.
But that may not be important. He may intuitively know, because when one heart opens, the other cannot help but be touched. Late at night, on the top of the mountain, we gazed down at the city lights, like millions of stars nestled in the hills around San Jose. And we talked. In the shelter of the dark, Marcial shared the sadness he held inside. He spoke so poignantly, I was filled with compassion. And at that moment the voice came to me again, “His heart has opened, too.” I was elated!
Will we see each other again? It doesn’t matter. What matters is the quality of the time we shared. I learned that I can love without falling in love, I can love without feeling hurt and that it feels so good to just love, without wanting or looking for more - just love. How free that feels. How liberating. No need for those walls any more - my open heart remains, getting bigger and bigger all the time, big enough to embrace the entire world.
One evening I went out to dance. I’d been having a bit of a hard time with some people I know, trying to pull me into their crazy world. I felt sad and hurt. As I walked down the street, I sent a plea to the heavens, “I need to talk. Please, send someone for me to talk to.” At that instant, Derrick appeared. Derrick is a Rasta guy - one of those kids you see on the streets with long dreads and no shirt or shoes. He’s always been nice to me. He’s wanted me for over a year, but as he is not what I want, I’ve always spurned his advances.
“Want to take a walk on the beach?” he asked.
“Well,” I thought, “You never know where the voice of God may come from.” I needed a confidant and Derrick’s the one who showed up. We walked and talked. I poured out my heart and he held it gently. And at the end of the conversation I went on, to a fun night of dancing, feeling my old, happy self again.
Over the next few days, Derrick sought out my company. He came over and helped me wax my car. “You’ve got to come to my house in the jungle,” he implored. “It is so beautiful up there. I know you would love it.”
I knew what he wanted and maybe - just maybe - I wanted the same. It had been so long since I’d let anyone get close to me. Derrick may not have been my ideal, but he was sweet and I trusted him. My intuition told me it was the right thing to do, so I did. I went up to Derrick’s jungle house and immersed myself in a symphony of nature, with it’s wild, calling birds and foliage in stunning reds and deep and brilliant greens. I savored the jungle air, of rich and humid intensity. It was a lovely afternoon.
This unexpected experience was inspiring. Look what I had been doing. Should one starve themselves because what they are looking for is not on the menu? Of course not! This was the turning point. I decided I was not going to spend my life in waiting. I took a deep breath and jumped in - with an ad on Craig’s List.
I kept it simple. Basically, I asked for an attractive Latino who was not married or broke, for a little romance. I got quite a response. And you can bet that whatever weird, strange reply you can imagine is one of the ones I got. I had to weed through them. There were nice ones, too. In fact, every email from a Latin man was polite and respectful. It was the Gringos who sent me the rude replies. And as soon as I saw their crude photos, I hit “delete.” I corresponded with a few of the nice guys and I chose Marcial.
Now here was a man with many desirable qualities. He was handsome and smart. He’d lived in the States for ten years, so he spoke my language and understood my culture, yet he was very Latino. He had the walk, the talk, the passion and romance and a fun-filled enthusiasm for life. Marcial is a dynamic person, intelligent, creative and ambitious, ready to take on the world and seek his fortune. And in a whole different place in his life than I. That’s because he is much younger.
We corresponded by email and then spent hours on the phone, getting to know each other, before we met. Marcial was visiting family in Costa Rica and would be going back to the States soon. He had big plans for his life, which at this time, did not include a serious relationship. I was in agreement with this, as I knew he was just too young for me. But, “Oh, no!” I thought, “What if I fall in love?” It has been known to happen. Well, you can take chances in life, or you can sit at home and watch other people do it on TV. You know what I decided to do.
I am happy to say, I made the right decision. I did not fall in love, but I shared some lovely moments with a very lovable man. He was tender and sweet, sensitive to my needs and desires. He looked into my eyes and listened when I spoke. He cared about what mattered to me. He brought me to his house and told me all about his life, opening up his world to me. As we shared a special intimacy, I began to feel my heart open. The walls I’ve maintained for so long, for my protection, were no longer a barrier to my own happiness. The walls were melting away. I remember the exact moment I realized, as we lay together, heart to heart. A voice inside simply said, “Your heart is open.” I never had the chance to tell Marcial.
But that may not be important. He may intuitively know, because when one heart opens, the other cannot help but be touched. Late at night, on the top of the mountain, we gazed down at the city lights, like millions of stars nestled in the hills around San Jose. And we talked. In the shelter of the dark, Marcial shared the sadness he held inside. He spoke so poignantly, I was filled with compassion. And at that moment the voice came to me again, “His heart has opened, too.” I was elated!
Will we see each other again? It doesn’t matter. What matters is the quality of the time we shared. I learned that I can love without falling in love, I can love without feeling hurt and that it feels so good to just love, without wanting or looking for more - just love. How free that feels. How liberating. No need for those walls any more - my open heart remains, getting bigger and bigger all the time, big enough to embrace the entire world.
Happy Thoughts and Help Opening Jars
Men! Recently a very strange thought occurred to me - maybe I am happier without one. I always thought having a “soul mate” would be just about the happiest thing in the world. And maybe it is. But the only reason we want anything other than what we have at any moment is because we think it will make us feel better than we do at that moment. As of late, I’ve been feeling pretty good most all the time, without benefit of male companionship.
In my last blog, Opening the Heart and Letting Down the Walls, I expounded on the idea of “Don’t starve yourself, just because what you want is not on the menu.” My intention was to partake in the company of attractive men, even though they may not really be the man I am wanting. To get the whole thing going, I put an ad on Craig’s List and got lots of replies. The end result was the positive experience I spoke of in that blog - and more learning for me.
I learned that in spite of the fun and excitement of new romance, it ends in emptiness, without being in love. The time I spent with Marcial was good, but since we both went into it as a short lived situation, there was no depth - no emotional intimacy. We did not come together as people in the bliss of discovery of a kindred spirit. We were together for the fun of it. Although we liked and admired each other, Marcial and I did not share the same beliefs and values. Soon the lack of emotional, spiritual and intellectual bonds led to boredom.
Now, the Craig’s List ad is gone, but the energy of it’s idea remains, as do a few hangers on. I found myself fretting over how to tell Derrick that I don’t want to visit him in his jungle house again and Roberto that even though I kissed him a few times, I do not want to be his girlfriend. Then I realized, that as often as not, the thoughts that fill my head regarding men are not always the thoughts that make me happy. The first few dates are nice, but then you wonder if he’ll call or you wish he would stop calling! You think he’s great, but then you don’t really know him. How much of what you are seeing is who he is, as opposed to who you want him to be. (Projection, as it is called, is very easy to do when you don’t speak the same language.) I compared these kind of thoughts with my “normal” thoughts.
Since moving to Costa Rica and truly living a life of my own volition, I think happy thoughts all the time. I think about the melodic sound of the Spanish language as I hear the kids playing in the street. I think of the beautiful places that are right around the corner, like the mouth of the Rio Hone Creek and the waterfall at Volio. I dream of new adventures that are waiting just outside my door. And inside my door is not so bad either. For the past four days I have gone nowhere for two reasons. One - I am trying to get over a cold. And two - I am in the process of painting a beautiful sign for my kids’ restaurant and I have a deadline. I’m enjoying my work, I love my little home and I am absolutely content. Perhaps I would do well to consider my choice of thoughts and stay with the happy ones.
So am I giving up on men, throwing in the towel, swearing off them, as did a friend of mine who’s Mr. Right literally showed up at her door shortly after she did that? Never! I love men. They are strange and mysterious. They make life interesting. And there’s at least one thing that, for me, requires the company of a man, for it to be the most fun. What’s that? Why, they can open jars, of course. Like I always say, “Everybody’s gotta be good for something.” I’ll keep thinking my happy thoughts about life here in paradise and I’ll probably keep a guy or two around - to open jars when the lid is stuck, you know.
In my last blog, Opening the Heart and Letting Down the Walls, I expounded on the idea of “Don’t starve yourself, just because what you want is not on the menu.” My intention was to partake in the company of attractive men, even though they may not really be the man I am wanting. To get the whole thing going, I put an ad on Craig’s List and got lots of replies. The end result was the positive experience I spoke of in that blog - and more learning for me.
I learned that in spite of the fun and excitement of new romance, it ends in emptiness, without being in love. The time I spent with Marcial was good, but since we both went into it as a short lived situation, there was no depth - no emotional intimacy. We did not come together as people in the bliss of discovery of a kindred spirit. We were together for the fun of it. Although we liked and admired each other, Marcial and I did not share the same beliefs and values. Soon the lack of emotional, spiritual and intellectual bonds led to boredom.
Now, the Craig’s List ad is gone, but the energy of it’s idea remains, as do a few hangers on. I found myself fretting over how to tell Derrick that I don’t want to visit him in his jungle house again and Roberto that even though I kissed him a few times, I do not want to be his girlfriend. Then I realized, that as often as not, the thoughts that fill my head regarding men are not always the thoughts that make me happy. The first few dates are nice, but then you wonder if he’ll call or you wish he would stop calling! You think he’s great, but then you don’t really know him. How much of what you are seeing is who he is, as opposed to who you want him to be. (Projection, as it is called, is very easy to do when you don’t speak the same language.) I compared these kind of thoughts with my “normal” thoughts.
Since moving to Costa Rica and truly living a life of my own volition, I think happy thoughts all the time. I think about the melodic sound of the Spanish language as I hear the kids playing in the street. I think of the beautiful places that are right around the corner, like the mouth of the Rio Hone Creek and the waterfall at Volio. I dream of new adventures that are waiting just outside my door. And inside my door is not so bad either. For the past four days I have gone nowhere for two reasons. One - I am trying to get over a cold. And two - I am in the process of painting a beautiful sign for my kids’ restaurant and I have a deadline. I’m enjoying my work, I love my little home and I am absolutely content. Perhaps I would do well to consider my choice of thoughts and stay with the happy ones.
So am I giving up on men, throwing in the towel, swearing off them, as did a friend of mine who’s Mr. Right literally showed up at her door shortly after she did that? Never! I love men. They are strange and mysterious. They make life interesting. And there’s at least one thing that, for me, requires the company of a man, for it to be the most fun. What’s that? Why, they can open jars, of course. Like I always say, “Everybody’s gotta be good for something.” I’ll keep thinking my happy thoughts about life here in paradise and I’ll probably keep a guy or two around - to open jars when the lid is stuck, you know.
Age and Ice Cream
I’ve been alone for a long time, though not for lack of offers. My writing contemplates the idea that my attitude may be my biggest limitation. I know what (who) I want and if he is not here, in front of me, I want no one. Well, that’s fine for day to day life, but not so good on a rainy Costa Rican afternoon when all you want to do is stay in bed.
I’ve been trying to look at this from all angles. Forget about men and just appreciate life. That was my first idea. I have a wonderful life, here in paradise, but there are still those lingering, rainy afternoons.
A friend suggested the multiple boyfriend idea. If you don’t have one with all the qualities you want, try for three, each with some of the qualities. I found lots of guys with lots of good qualities but none I felt like spending time with.
Then, some self reflection revealed childhood beliefs which may sabotage my true desires. I realized it’s OK for me to have love in my life. I deserve it. And I can let down some of those protective walls I’ve set up. No one will come in, if the door is locked.
Still no one came in when I opened it. So “forget the whole thing.” I decided. I have a great life. I’m happy and connected with others most all the time. Alas! That’s a silly statement for such a romantic as me. I pondered on love, watching family, friends, movies - what does it mean? Does anybody understand it?
Watching, rather than living gets boring, fast. A new thought arose. If I can’t have true love, sex could at least be a pleasant diversion. That one came to a pleasant but predictable end. After a few times the fun fades and superficiality prevails. It’s empty. And “like, I didn’t know that from the start.” Well, it was a diversion.
Meanwhile, a sweet young man kept calling. I said no, I said I was busy, I didn’t call him back, (he’s so young) but he persisted. My friend, Gina, told me, “Don’t look for any man. Wait for one to find you. If he really wants to be with you he’ll keep coming back, even if you say no. He won’t take no for an answer. That’s the one you want.” Sounds like good advice - but Gina is the one who told me to take that “child” home on my birthday. One must carefully weigh advice given by crazy people! Nevertheless, that sweet young man, Derrick, is the one who keeps coming around.
I don’t know why these younger guys always seem to be interested in me. I’ll blame it on Linda Gray - remember her? She was an actress on the wildly popular '70s TV show, Dallas. The media made a big deal out of her fiftieth birthday because she still looked so beautiful. To me, as a kid, that was inspiring! Being fifty does not mean you have to turn into an “old lady.” I decided I was going to be just like her.
The other day, I asked my daughter what Derrick could possibly see in me? “He likes older women.” she said blithely, as if she were discussing his preference in ice cream. Some like chocolate, some vanilla. If your favorite is strawberry, nobody cares. Is age preference just the same? Or is there some kind of weird, underlying psychological stuff going on? (I don’t want to go there.) By the way, did you know that studies say white people who like chocolate ice cream wish they were black and blacks who like vanilla want to be white? I wonder...... what about those who get a double dip of each? Me - I like all kinds of ice cream and men of all ages, too. I love them all. And admittedly, I really do like Derrick. But what do I want to do with that?
The problems in a relationship with such an age difference are obvious. We are two people at very different stages in our lives. Consequently, I would not, for a minute, consider a serious, long term commitment with Derrick. He agrees. And besides, I know my soul mate is on his way. But until then, perhaps I might consider Janis Joplin’s advice (no, he does not know who she was) and get it while I can. Her advice was,”Don’t turn your back on love. If someone comes along and wants to give you love and affection, get it while you can. I say, get it while you can.” Maybe it‘s best to take the offer of love, where you find it, and don’t ask questions. I’ll keep you posted.
I’ve been trying to look at this from all angles. Forget about men and just appreciate life. That was my first idea. I have a wonderful life, here in paradise, but there are still those lingering, rainy afternoons.
A friend suggested the multiple boyfriend idea. If you don’t have one with all the qualities you want, try for three, each with some of the qualities. I found lots of guys with lots of good qualities but none I felt like spending time with.
Then, some self reflection revealed childhood beliefs which may sabotage my true desires. I realized it’s OK for me to have love in my life. I deserve it. And I can let down some of those protective walls I’ve set up. No one will come in, if the door is locked.
Still no one came in when I opened it. So “forget the whole thing.” I decided. I have a great life. I’m happy and connected with others most all the time. Alas! That’s a silly statement for such a romantic as me. I pondered on love, watching family, friends, movies - what does it mean? Does anybody understand it?
Watching, rather than living gets boring, fast. A new thought arose. If I can’t have true love, sex could at least be a pleasant diversion. That one came to a pleasant but predictable end. After a few times the fun fades and superficiality prevails. It’s empty. And “like, I didn’t know that from the start.” Well, it was a diversion.
Meanwhile, a sweet young man kept calling. I said no, I said I was busy, I didn’t call him back, (he’s so young) but he persisted. My friend, Gina, told me, “Don’t look for any man. Wait for one to find you. If he really wants to be with you he’ll keep coming back, even if you say no. He won’t take no for an answer. That’s the one you want.” Sounds like good advice - but Gina is the one who told me to take that “child” home on my birthday. One must carefully weigh advice given by crazy people! Nevertheless, that sweet young man, Derrick, is the one who keeps coming around.
I don’t know why these younger guys always seem to be interested in me. I’ll blame it on Linda Gray - remember her? She was an actress on the wildly popular '70s TV show, Dallas. The media made a big deal out of her fiftieth birthday because she still looked so beautiful. To me, as a kid, that was inspiring! Being fifty does not mean you have to turn into an “old lady.” I decided I was going to be just like her.
The other day, I asked my daughter what Derrick could possibly see in me? “He likes older women.” she said blithely, as if she were discussing his preference in ice cream. Some like chocolate, some vanilla. If your favorite is strawberry, nobody cares. Is age preference just the same? Or is there some kind of weird, underlying psychological stuff going on? (I don’t want to go there.) By the way, did you know that studies say white people who like chocolate ice cream wish they were black and blacks who like vanilla want to be white? I wonder...... what about those who get a double dip of each? Me - I like all kinds of ice cream and men of all ages, too. I love them all. And admittedly, I really do like Derrick. But what do I want to do with that?
The problems in a relationship with such an age difference are obvious. We are two people at very different stages in our lives. Consequently, I would not, for a minute, consider a serious, long term commitment with Derrick. He agrees. And besides, I know my soul mate is on his way. But until then, perhaps I might consider Janis Joplin’s advice (no, he does not know who she was) and get it while I can. Her advice was,”Don’t turn your back on love. If someone comes along and wants to give you love and affection, get it while you can. I say, get it while you can.” Maybe it‘s best to take the offer of love, where you find it, and don’t ask questions. I’ll keep you posted.
The Unofficial End to This Part of My Blog
I started the portion of my Testing the Power of Intention blog, called “My Fabulous Love Life” in order to use my power of intention to create the fabulous love life I wanted. My expectation was to become aware of, through writing, my thoughts that blocked the way to my desires. And I hoped to learn more about myself and about relationship, in the process. Simply giving thought to the use of intention in daily life has provided a place for learning and advancement. But have I discovered my own obstructions? I don’t know and honestly, I am tired of thinking about it.
In the past six months, I have looked at this aspect of my life from almost every angle. I’ve made a point of keeping an open mind. I tried this, I tried that and I always tried to keep it light and have fun. Now I am just tired of trying.
In my last blog post I talked about Derrick, and considered that the momentary pleasure which he offers may be a better choice than simply being alone. I enjoyed his company immensely but ultimately, it led me right back to where I started and, frankly, to where I have been all along - looking for more. Wanting what I don’t have just makes me feel like something is missing. What I am looking for, Derrick cannot give. And finally, I am tired of looking.
Lately I’ve been to the beach every day. I do my yoga in the sand, swim and soak up the amazing, incredible beauty of my surroundings. I revel in this time. I absorb the beauty and I emanate it back out to the world. I am beautiful, too. My skin glows with a gorgeous golden brown. My hair is a sparkling, sun bleached yellow. My body feels loose and free, relaxed and supple. Yes, I feel beautiful, I know I’m beautiful, yet I found myself thinking that it was wasted. There was no one there to appreciate it. But wait.... let’s stop and re think that thought.
Everywhere I go I get compliments, always from men and often from women, too. I can’t cross town without reactions from the men in the street. They smile and greet me sweetly with polite come ons. “Hola Bonita! Que linda, como le va?” and “Donde va, mi amor?” as they try to engage me in conversation. I smile and breeze on by, feeling beautiful - feeling the beauty of life!
So I know I am beautiful, inside and out. I know I am appreciated, and I appreciate me, too. What more do I really need?
My plan for this blog was to figure out how to intentionally bring the man of my dreams into my life and, in writing about it, inspire others. Sorry about that. I’ve been on this for six months and though it has been fun, my hopes have not come to fruition, as far as I can see.
I still believe in the power of intention and I hope I have not dashed away someone else’s dreams by the lack of fulfillment of my own. I believe that our thoughts create our reality and I have created an absolutely wonderful one here in Costa Rica. At this point I am just going to enjoy what I have got and forget about the rest. Men come and go - so let them. The meaning in my life runs far deeper than my concern with the fleeting presence of any individual.
I am not officially closing this blog, just putting it by the wayside. I’ll write again if anything of consequence occurs. And that may well be the case. As we all know, life it just full of surprises.
In the past six months, I have looked at this aspect of my life from almost every angle. I’ve made a point of keeping an open mind. I tried this, I tried that and I always tried to keep it light and have fun. Now I am just tired of trying.
In my last blog post I talked about Derrick, and considered that the momentary pleasure which he offers may be a better choice than simply being alone. I enjoyed his company immensely but ultimately, it led me right back to where I started and, frankly, to where I have been all along - looking for more. Wanting what I don’t have just makes me feel like something is missing. What I am looking for, Derrick cannot give. And finally, I am tired of looking.
Lately I’ve been to the beach every day. I do my yoga in the sand, swim and soak up the amazing, incredible beauty of my surroundings. I revel in this time. I absorb the beauty and I emanate it back out to the world. I am beautiful, too. My skin glows with a gorgeous golden brown. My hair is a sparkling, sun bleached yellow. My body feels loose and free, relaxed and supple. Yes, I feel beautiful, I know I’m beautiful, yet I found myself thinking that it was wasted. There was no one there to appreciate it. But wait.... let’s stop and re think that thought.
Everywhere I go I get compliments, always from men and often from women, too. I can’t cross town without reactions from the men in the street. They smile and greet me sweetly with polite come ons. “Hola Bonita! Que linda, como le va?” and “Donde va, mi amor?” as they try to engage me in conversation. I smile and breeze on by, feeling beautiful - feeling the beauty of life!
So I know I am beautiful, inside and out. I know I am appreciated, and I appreciate me, too. What more do I really need?
My plan for this blog was to figure out how to intentionally bring the man of my dreams into my life and, in writing about it, inspire others. Sorry about that. I’ve been on this for six months and though it has been fun, my hopes have not come to fruition, as far as I can see.
I still believe in the power of intention and I hope I have not dashed away someone else’s dreams by the lack of fulfillment of my own. I believe that our thoughts create our reality and I have created an absolutely wonderful one here in Costa Rica. At this point I am just going to enjoy what I have got and forget about the rest. Men come and go - so let them. The meaning in my life runs far deeper than my concern with the fleeting presence of any individual.
I am not officially closing this blog, just putting it by the wayside. I’ll write again if anything of consequence occurs. And that may well be the case. As we all know, life it just full of surprises.
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